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sex abuse
Hey iam a 17 year old girl and the other night I asked my mom why she divorced my dad when I was 3 becouse she never told me,but when I asked she said the reason I divorced your dad when you were 3 was becouse he molested you when you were 3 I was like really shocked becouse me and my dad were always so close before he died when I was 12 I don't know what to belive anymore iam so confused if I can't trust my dad who can I trust anymore?how can I find out if this is true since my dad died when I was 12?I've tried asking my granny my dad's mom becouse I figured she would tell me the truth,but she didn't want to talk about,she just said now rachel you know that's not something polite to talk about.I didn't mean to be rude,but I was just so desperate I felt like I had to find out.what should I do?please help me iam so confused.I don't even know if this is something I should be trying to find out or if I have the right to be confused and scared.what should I do?
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Your father was probaly unhealthy that he did it. When people like that do that.. they are usually sick in the head. I think its true, because nobody wanted to discuss it with you. I'm sure your mother would not lie to you about something so serious like that. I'm sorry that that happened to you. & I hope things get better! bye.
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My heart goes out to you!
I grew up most of my life without my dad. My mom and sister have bashed him in front of me for as long as I can remember. My mom said he beat her and my sister said he molested her and she caught him touching me when I was 3. I don't remember any of this, of course.
3 years ago my mom got very sick (cancer) and she needed signed divorce papers from my dad in order to get insurance. I was forced to meet my dad to get these papers.
When I met him I (of course) got a different story. My dad seems genuine, he is great to me and my son. So now the same question lies with me that lies with you. Who is lying and who isn't?
My mom has since died, so any chances of getting truth from her is gone. And my sister is so spiteful that I could see her making it all up...but then again, why would she lie?
It's been 3 years since I have known my dad now and he has not given me a reason not to trust him. The thought is always there though, in the back of my mind.
I am so sorry that your dad isn't there to tell his side of the story.
If I were you, I would sit down with Grandma again. You are 17 and old enough to know what she knows. If she doesn't help, is there an aunt or uncle or someone else?
I know your feeling like you don't know who to trust. I feel that too. I can't advise you on what to do or who to beleive, but I can tell you what works for me.
Be your OWN judge.
Look back on YOUR life with your dad. Get your family's input, but don't take sides. Be optimistic. You are old enough to figure things out on your own. Beleive what makes sense to YOU. If he did molest you, he's a jerk. If your mom is lying then she's a jerk. Either way, you lose. So what I did is I drew up my own conclusion. I will NEVER know the truth, so why live in wonder? It will only make you depressed and crazy. I couldn't take another 28 years of that, and neither should you.
Whatever happened, good or bad it wasn't your fault. Remember that.
I hope I helped and didn't just confuse you more!
Huggs!
Jamie
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Of course you have the right to be confused or scared. I gather by your granny's answer, it may be true. She was probably raised in a time when people didn't talk about those things, but even so I would think if it were not true she would say "No" of course not!
What is unsettling for me as a reader is if it were true, and your Mom knew about it when you were three, why did she let you continue to have contact with your Dad until he passed away? Most bonafide pedofiles don't stop, so that part doesn't make sense. Also if you were older than three, you'd probably remember something.
I must wonder if your Mom saw or heard something that she construed as sexual abuse when that's not what it was at all. Some mothers, because they were abused themselves are so scared and traumatized that they might think it's abuse if Dad walked around in his underwear, or wiped a little girls bottom. Also some are so angry at their husbands they make this stuff up. There's even a syndrome called S.A.I.D...because this has happened so frequently.
Therapists are now questioning repressed memory syndrome (are the memories really true?) or did the Therapist (put the ideas there?)
Aside from this, I think it would be best if you see a counselor and discuss your fears with him/her. You need to get on with your life, and at 17 you have a lot of living left to do.
It's okay that you loved your daddy, you didn't know any better, and even if it is true, it's not your fault.
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Why would your mother say something like that? Do you trust her? Because lying about being molested is serious, and I doubt she would want to hurt you by saying something like that.
Keep trying to find out information from family members etc, or try talking to your mum again. In the end, if you don't believe your dad could ever do something like that, I know it's hard, but the only option is to forget it.. Because there isn't anything you can do anyway.
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