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My Son doesn't want to spend Father's Day weekend with me
I am divorced, my 15 y.o. son (whose mother has custody) has decided that he doesn't want to spend this Saturday with me. In the past, he has always spent the entire Father's Day weekend with me. In addition, about a week ago, I informed my son that his Uncle (who my son really gets along with - and lives out-of-State) will be having breakfast with us on Saturday. Now, my son says that he wants to celebrate Saturday with his step-father. However, he has never celebrated mother's day with his step-mom. I am enraged and don't know what to do.
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Okay, well I can answer this knowing how he feels.
Even though I'm a girl, my parents are divorced, and I hate spending time with my dad. He has always been so mean to me, and we never got a long, he's hurt my older sibbilings and younger emotionally. And has done a lot of damage.
And when you get older I know that
you dont want to spend a lot of time with your family in general, but when your parents are divorced, you dont want to spend time with one or the other.. atleast thats how it is for me.
I can also understand how upset you feel about how he wants to spend father's day with his step father?! and not his real father? That would hurt a great deal I'm sure. This sounds mean I guess, but mother's are mothers, and I think we all have a big attachment to our mom's no matter what. So I see exactly why he wouldnt want to celebrate mother's day with his step mom.
I have a step mom and to be honest I hate her.
But I honestly suggest that you sit down with your son and talk to him about how that makes you feel, he wont know if you dont tell him, and if you dont talk to him, he wont understand.
But be sure to remember your son still loves you, he's just getting older.
<3
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Ok hold up. I presume that he's still coming to spend the Sunday (i.e. actual Father's Day) with you. Hence he's not blowing you off but rather trying to balance what he feels are his obligations. You are his father and I'm sure he knows and respects that as a role that can't be taken over by someone else but his step-father presumably lives with your son every day and like it or not that's going to form a bond- he's another male role model for him.
To be perfectly blunt the situation you ahve all found yourselves in has nothing to do with your son- you and his mother were the ones whose relationship failed and therefore you are the ones who have caused this boy to effectively have two sets of parents to deal with. Yet it is your son who has to try desperately to deal with the consequences and keep everyone happy.
I can undersatnd your hurt and jealousy on an emotional level but you need to be the adult here and have some compassion for your son who's trying to be fair to both you and his step-dad.
As far as his step-mother goes (although I'm willing to bet that's not the real issue) can you say in all honesty that he is as close to his stepmum as he is to his stepdad? It seems unlikely since he doesn't live with her and although you could try for the "if you spend a day of father's day weekend with him you should spend a day of mother's day weekend with her" line unfortunately you can't force your son into a bond with her and it's pretty unfair of you to force him into it so that you feel you're "even" with your ex's family unit.
This may all sound harsh but I'm afraid as hard as I know this situation must be for you, it's your son I really feel for.
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well first off, i understand your frustration. though, explain to him how much it would mean to you if he could spend just a small fraction of the weekend with you. i mean it wouldnt hurt to try and talk him into it, just dont get angry with him, cause that will only hurt your relationship. now im not an expert, but i always believed that talking things out and reasoning solved problems. good luck. i hope i helped :-)
-Kim-
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First off, make sure your intentions are pure. Do you want to spend Father's Day with your son because you love him and it is special to you, or do you want him to spend the time with you because you're jealous of him spending it with his step-father?
Do you still have a good relationship with his mother, as friends? If so, see if she can perhaps talk to him about what Father's Day means to you. Or you could talk about it with him yourself, by phone or e-mail.
Bottom line is, you need to somehow communicate and you need your son to know how you feel. LISTEN UP THOUGH! If you talk to him, don't talk to him as a parent. Talk to him as a friend. If you let your anger at the situation show then I won't blame your son for not spending the weekend with you.
Still, try to be understanding about him wanting to spend the weekend with his step-father. That's like his "second Dad."
Here's another idea: Why don't you plan another weekend that you two can spend together, doing something fun that you will both enjoy? That way, your son can spend time with you and spend time with his step-father.
Most importantly: whatever happens, *don't hold a grudge!*
Grudges cause rifts in relationships and cause a lot of hurt, anger, and strife.
Good luck!
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getting mad might push him away. maybe you could ask him if he wants to have breakfast with you b.c it would really means alot to you to see him on fathers day. maybe ask him WHY he doesnt want to see you on fathers day. or maybe you guys can hang out together sunday instead
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I can certainly understand how this could be upsetting.
You could always try talking to your ex and saying that if your son is spending Father's day with his step-dad this year, it's only fair that next Mother's day he spends with his step-mom. If your ex doesn't agree, then she is being unreasonable, as that's a blatant double-standard and completely unfair.
You could also try to contact your son at a time when he would be able to speak freely with you (i.e. his mom and step-dad aren't right there listening). Talk to him and find out if this is really his idea, or if his mom is trying to talk him into it. Try to sound casual about it, though, not angry, or you may not get the real story.
If it's really his idea, it's probably a teenager thing. At that age, it's hard to see past one's own wants. He may have stuff going on, friends he is hanging out with, or a girlfriend, that he doesn't want to leave right then. Yes, it's selfish, but pretty typical for that age. :-(
Good Luck.
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