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Who's Right?
I have a formerly long lost sister, who I've met recently, and we've trusted each other rather quickly. She is a very private person, while I'm very open with my life. We've had dilemmas about a similar topic in the past, and this is our second time at this topic. Now she doesn't trust me with her personal business anymore, because I tell my husband about things that effect me about my life, which happens to also include her (like our arguments and such). She wants me to be a loyal and respectful sister, but how can I do that while being a loyal wife at the same time? Now my sister is acting differently with me and doesn't tell me about things about her personal life anymore. I feel like in order for me to help her as a sister, I feel to believe that she confides in me. I don't know. My sister is letting her past experiences (with not being able to trust others) change her into a more private person, and I think that's getting in the way of our relationship. I respect her current mentality, but I can't accept the way that her current mentality came to be (since I do know alot about her past experiences). I don't know. Am I wrong for not consenting her first to ask her if it's okay to tell my husband about things that effect me, which happens to include the both of us as sisters? (even though, she did tell me prior to, that if it involves me, then it's okay to tell, but she says that whatever she said is "in the past", and she recently changed her mind about what she told me back then). So yeah, I understand why she is the way that she is, but she doesn't seem to understand me. I know that every situation is not just simply black or white, but can have many gray areas (and this situation does have some grays). But with that aside, Who's right in this situation? Me or her?
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I don't think you were wrong for telling your husband everything, because that is how you always have done things. Like you said, she is the opposite. Since this is her personally life you were discussing, it is in essence up to her whether you can tell other what she told you. If it is her wish that you keep it to yourself, then you must do that. Once she informs you that she doesn't want you to tell anyone, then you must not. Doing so (even to your husband) is a betrayal of her trust. I understand that she would be hesitent now to talk to you about her personaly matters. The best thing to do at this point is apologize and continue to just be there for her. She'll open up in time, just be sure to keep it to yourself unless she says she doesn't mind.
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I have to say I see your sister's point of view. I'm a fairly private person, and really only one person in my life gets to know absolutely everything, and that would be my best friend. I'd be crushed if she told her boyfriend stuff I told her. While I do know they talk, and she's mentioned me and some of my problems (which at times can be good, when it comes to guy issues) she has gone out of her way to reassure me that my friendship with her while different from that of with her boyfriend, is important to her.
Basically, I'd apologize to your sister, and explain how close you and your husband are, and that sometimes, like everyone else you need an ear to complain to, or another opinion. Explain to her that you won't do it again, you'd really like to build your relationship especially since it's just beginning, even if it is a white lie. If there is absolutely no chance of your husband spilling the beans, I'd say it's okay to go ahead and share. But if you can manage leave out some details.
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I tell my husband everything. I wouldn't tell my sister that I had told him though. He wouldn't say anything to her about it either.
That may work for you. If you are like me your hubby is your best friend. No need to have secrets.
Your sister should understand that but maybe she doesn't have a relationship like the one between you and your husband. You don't mention is she is married as well. If she isn't the it is just something she can't understand at the moment.
Lets say you are right, but she just doesn't know it yet. You aren't being disloyal to her. If something was really better left unsaid, I am sure you would respect her privacy and keep it to yourself. :)
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