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ungrateful and helpless
I am very upset by a particular rating that I received and this is more of a statement than a question. I guess this one is simply the straw that broke the camels back because in every answer I give I honestly hope I am helping someone in some way or at least opening a whole new avenue of thought process that may lead to the answer that will help them. I do not think myself impervious to mistakes. I know I make them and unfortunately will make them again. In the past I would stick to those "feel good" questions only to try to keep my ratings up. I don't feel good about that because it isn't really an honest effort at being there for people. I've started answering questions of a more controversial manner. Now my ratings are plummeting. unfortunately we cannot truly try to help mentally ill people because we can't always tell them what they want to hear and if we don't we are punished for our efforts through ratings. (I have included the article for you to view and my 2nd response she is going to give me an even lower rating for my second one.) I wasn't nice, though I didn't use inappropriate language and I was honestly trying to wake her up though I know it's no good. I want you all to know that from my heart I am here to help people no matter how misguided it may be at times. I post this because I am concerned that there are people who ask questions that they do not want to truly know the answer to. They want us to give them flowery feel good answers that won't help them at all. They simply want us to play into their illusions and allow them to repeat and perpetuate their problems rather than help them. I realize there needs to be some kind of governing system that keeps everyone in check. If they didn't have them this whole site would be in an uproar all the time and people would be truly mean to each other rather than helpful. I for one never say anything to be mean but to be helpful, even if it may come across mean. But, this system isn't fair to those of us who make an honest effort and yet I don't have the answer as to how to make it better, I wish I did. Now, below is my response only. I didn't think it appropriate to repost someone else's question. But to sum it up the question was written by a 15 yr/o girl who got in a fight w/another girl in school. The other girl posted her picture on the net by posting naked pictures w/her face imposed upon them. This 15 yr/o says this girl tried to ruin her rep, but she ruined her life instead and got her kicked off student council. She doesn't go into what her actions were, but whatever they were it lead the school to believe that she needed counseling. Her mental health professional diagnosed her as being a sociopath and she couldn't believe it. She felt that it was the other girl and not her that was the sociopath. She rated me a 2 and said that she didn't care if I had ADHD or had been diagnosed w/depression. This question was about her. Here is my response and my counter response:
A sociopath is someone who can fit in well w/society and mimic appropriate behavior because they are taught to. They can be extremely popular and likeable. They don't have empathy for others or remorse for what they do. They can't deal with the reality of their behavior and can't accept their flaws. They are talented in turning things around on people and making it appear to others that they are responsible for what is going on so that they don't have to take responsibility for their own behavior. It's less painful that way. They are really good with the technique of projection. This means that they project their flaws onto others and say things like "I'm not the sociopath, she is", or blaming others for why they have to do whatever it is that they are doing, such as your blaming this girl for your getting her into trouble. They do not consider other people's wishes, welfare or rights because they are incapable of understanding or caring about the damage they impart onto others. They usually make great serial killers.
Now having said all of that...I don't know where a mental health professional gets off telling a teenager that she's a sociopath. All teenagers are sociopaths. They are always laying blame elsewhere and doing truly mean things to each other w/o remorse. They do not want to take responsibility for their behavior and blame others. They lie and have no empathy for others and their situation. They are narcissistic and think the world revolves around them...AND THAT is normal. That's being a teenager. Oh, man, some of the things I use to do when I was young...I look back and can't believe it was me. I could never hurt anyone today physically or mentally. I was a cheerleader too. I had this one guy pay me $5 a week so I wouldn't beat him up. It was simply pathetic some of the things I did and said to people back then. At the same time I had some kids under my protection too (they didn't have to pay anything I just liked them). It's an unfortunate part of growing up. I was diagnosed w/ depression and as an adult w/ADHD (they didn't have this diagnoses when I was a child). It's up to the adults to help young people see where behavior is problematic and personally I don't think you are a sociopath. That's an awfully strong diagnosis. Most mental health care professionals won't diagnose this until a person is an adult. I think you suffer from a well known condition which is simple to diagnose, you're a TEENAGER. Yes, I know, that in itself is pretty scary, but that's all I think that is going on. If it were up to me I would insist on a second opinion. You would be w/in your rights and deservedly so. Just because someone is a therapist does not mean they know what they are talking about all of the time. Also, you might want to take a second look at your behavior in all of this too. Even though this girl did some pretty appalling things, you might need to look at what you did and how you did it. Were your actions the best course of action? Could you have achieved your goals w/o stooping to her level? I agree, she needed to be punished for what she did. That was not right, but there are always other ways to achieve the same goals. I can't go into them because I don't know what you did that lead your school to recommend counseling. It had to be pretty big considering what that girl did to you. Whatever you do, don't let someone else label you. We do that too much in this country and once someone is labeled they start becoming the label. You were hurt and reacting out of anger. Sometimes we let the anger cloud our better judgment. Sounds to me you need more anger management counseling then labeling. I feel for you in all of this. Don't loose sight of who you are and you know deep down who that is. Don't let anyone's mis-diagnosis take that away from you.
IF YOU HAD READ MY ANSWER COMPLETELY WITH HEART AND COMPASSION (WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE)YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT I WAS SHOWING YOU HOW, I THOUGHT, YOU WEREN'T A SOCIOPATH. YOUR LACK OF APPRECIATION AND UNDERSTANDING AS WELL AS YOUR INABILITY TO SEE THAT THIS WHOLE ANSWER WAS ABOUT YOU ONLY PROVES TO ME THAT YOUR DIAGNOSIS BY YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AUTHORITY WAS CORRECT. YOU ARE AN UNGRATFUL AND HEARTLESS PERSON AND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP. I WAS SHARING AND RELATING ONLYTO SHOW YOU THAT IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. YOUR NARCASISTIC ATTITUTE PROVES THAT YOU NEED SERIOUS HELP AND I DO HOPE THAT YOU GET IT. YOU'RE A SAD, SAD PERSON WHO I DO BELIEVE IS BEYOND HELP AS ARE ALL SOCIOPATHS AND YOUR RESPONCE TO AN HONEST EFFORT AT HELPING YOU ONLY PROVES IT TO BE SO. TO ALL MY READERS, I APOLOGIZE, BUT I AM TIRED OF UNGRATEFUL SPOILED PEOPLE WHO SET US UP SO THAT THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES BY PUTTING US DOWN. I FELT SHE NEEDED A GOOD TALKING TO, EVEN THOUGH I REALIZE IT WILL DO NO GOOD.
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Hi There,
Wow it was alot to read there but what you should do is not let it get to you so much everyone has their own opinions if how ti ask or answer a question some may feel offende by it but that reality i'm afraid and you just have to be thick skinned about it i'm sorry your feeling so let down but i'm sure with in time you realise anyways you takecare and we''re all here for eachother remember that your not alone.
God Bless
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If you seem to like honest advice so much, then I will give you my honest opinion.
By dwelling on them so much, you're just letting them win anyway. Yeah, it's shitty to get a low rating for absolutely no reason. I've had people swearing at me and others when none of us said anything remotely controversial. But who cares? They're dumb f***ing people that you'll never meet. Why are you letting them take up your time? ... By writing a post that dwells so long on this I start to wonder if maybe you just have too much time on your hands. I already feel like I have too much spending any time on this site, let alone if I wrote an entry as long as what you just wrote. Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. Get over it.
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I read the question that your referring too earlier, and saw your answer. I thought it was good. But, I've been a member of this site for quite a while, and had a feeling that the girl who asked the question would not apprectiate it, nor understand it. I've had the same response that you got many times before. Perhaps she got mad at every other person who completely insulted her and skipped over your answer assuming you would do the same.
Some people are going to be like that. Your going to get some crap ratings when you put actual time and effort into an answer. There are going to be times when you honestly do everything you can to get someone to realize the outside picture. And your likely to get a few 1s and 2s for your honesty. It sucks. But, this site shouldn't be about who has the most 5's. It's not going to be fun if you answer every question with what the person wants to hear. What the hell is the point in that?
Now, your edit was a bit mean, and you could have done without that. She might have deserved it, but it didn't help anything. I would advise you to take that part out. Maybe, some time down the road, she'll re-read your answer and actually understand it the second time around.
Also, I should mention, that there is a "report abuse" link on the sidebar of this site. Abuse includes giving wrong ratings, especially when you give a 1 rating.
If you ever come across this again, it will be much better fixed to file an abuse report than to lash out at the less than worthy misguided teens on this site.
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Ratings isn't what its about you know? Its the advice.
Not everyone will like what you tell them. That's just part of it. Anyone who answers questions honestly and don't kiss the tushie of the questioner will probably never see a rating that high. If they do it probably won't last long.
It would take a lot of ones to pull your ratings down low enough to lose your moderator status. Don't get upset about. It happens to everyone. If you have been here a while and are just now getting a taste of it you are lucky!
It is usually best not to retaliate in an edit. Sometimes if you nicely explain why you answered the way you did they change their rating.
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