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poem... anything i can do to make it better?
a guy, a girl
ment to be
together forever
nothing more to see
been through so much
they could outlast it all
they were destined to be
as every one could see..
so much love between the two..
as if everyone knew..
that they would last forever..
everyone was wrong..
the love is now gone
the girl is gone
they were ment to be..
forever and beyond..
and thats how it will be..
while shes dying in his arms..
do you like the poem??
what can i do to make it better?
was it good??
ill rate high for anything..
x3
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Want to answer more questions in the Hobbies category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Music?
It's very good. It touches you in the heart. And if reminds me of the OC. Hope this helps and keep on writing.
-cindy <3
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I have to say that that is really good, but really the only advice i can give u is that its from the heart, if you are just writing stuff that has no relation to you then it wont be as good as if you were to use something that you have strong fealings for. I am a songwriter myself and I know from experience that that is the best way to go. I really do like it, and i think that it is probably better to use your own feelings, because others cant feel your emotions for you, you have to make them feel it
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Please read this:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It's under "Questions that we delete"
Just remember this for next time! =)
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i think it's too cliche. like, 'they were meant to be' is seen everywhere -- in everything. every rhyme just seems to be predictable. sometimes you have to undo the rhymes and just make things meet, make them make sense. try using more complex words, all your rhymes aren't that. gona & wrong, forever & knew, see & be. it's like, i could see those rhymes anywhere. you have a really good base, you just have to work on it a little.
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THAT IS REALLY GOOD!
but i think you should put a stanza in abuot the whole dieing thing..i didnt really get it..like is it about drunj driving?romeo and juliet?
but other then that its FANTABULOUS!!
GOOD JOB!!
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