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please help me fix this paragraph.
In literacy we are doing a descriptive essay in which we are describing our room. My first paragraph needs some help and i've got nobody home to help.
heres the paragraph
My Room
The typical teenage bedroom can be quite horific. The smell that hits your nostrils from the sweaty track clothes and smelly socks. The crumbs from several week old poptarts swim between your toes, and you'll most likely trip over the blankets which are scattered about from last nights slumber party and the tubes of lip stick along with nail polish bottles. Like i said that can be the typical teenage bedroom, and so from that, I can say i don't fit into that cateogory. I'm actually quite different than explained.
please fix the like 2,3,4 senteences. they are like run-ons and i can't fix them. please help!
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My Room
The typical teenage bedroom can be quite horrific. There is a smell that hits your nostrils from the sweaty track clothes and smelly socks. There are crumbs from several week-old Pop-tarts swimming between your toes. You'll most likely trip over the blankets which are scattered about from last week's slumber party, along with the tubes of lipstick and nail polish bottles. Like I said, that can be the typical teenage bedroom, and from that I can say say I don't fit into that category. I am actually quite different than explained!
I hope that helped you! It sounds really good, I hope you get a good grade!
**BeLLe**
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How 'bout this?
My Room
The typical teenage bedroom can be quite horrific. There is a disgusting stench that hits your nostrils from the sweaty track clothes and smelly socks. The crumbs from several week-old Pop Tarts swim between your toes, and you will most likely trip over the tubes of lip stick and nail polish bottles, as well as the blankets which are scattered about from last night's slumber party. Like I said, that is the typical teenage bedroom, and from that, I can say I don't fit into that category. I am actually quite different than explained.
Glad to help,
-Fyce
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Hmm, how is this?
The typical teenage bedroom can be quite horrific. The smell that hits your nostrils from the sweaty track clothes and smelly socks. The crumbs from several week old poptarts swim between your toead, and you will most likely trip over the blankets which are scarttered about from last nights slumber party. The tubes of lip stick along with nail polish bottles, makeup everywhere, yes, this is the typical female teenage bedroom. Luckily, I am one who does not fit into that category. I am actually quite different than explained.
^That isn't perfect, I know it isn't. Remember when writing a paper, stay away from contractions. Do not use "don't, can't, won't, isn't..." I tried to end the run on and create a new sentence, but I didn't know how to end it, so they sentence may not be up to your standards.
May I ask your age/grade? Mainly because this is (in my opinion) a great opening paragraph.
I'm not sure if you need a thesis, but if so, there is probably one in there somewhere.
I hope I helped you out.
---EDIT EDIT EDIT---
Oh, you don't start doing thesis statements until around 9th and 10th grade. I didn't know what a thesis statement was up until this year (and I'm in the 10th grade) So don't worry about it.
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