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i need help on this guy


Question Posted Friday February 17 2006, 4:55 am

I met this guy 2 years ago while we both we legally separated.I was not the other woman.I just had my divorce finalized but he is still ongoing.A lot of nasty custody and money issues on his side.We both had a separate apartments.We met and fall in love.Everytime my boyfriend faces a problem, he will withdraw and break up with me. He has problem having access to his children and was deppressed for not being able to see them for a period of 5 months strecth.His wife use the kids as pawns.We broke up everytime because of this.He will then come back again when he thinks he has sort out the issues. His wife met me and him while in the restaurant and eversince that, she has given him unlimited access to the kids. He is so overwhelmed with this new arrangement and now he said that he can't do both.Having a relationship and his kids in the picture.He broke up with me again. I know he is confused.This man was married for 15 years since the age of 22. He misses the family life but he don't love the wife anymore.Both had an affair and he left the marriage.I am deeply in love with this man and everytime he comes back, i will never give him a hard time cause i know how much his kids meant to him.I am disappointed with his decisions. He told me that he is going away with the kids and the wife for a holiday which is something he has not done so for the past 3 years.He wants to be close with the kids again. I am so heartbroken right now as i don't know if he will go back to his wife after being separated for 2 and half years. His wife wanted him back badly and she is trying so hard to have him back in his life. I am stuck.I really love this man but i'm torn as well because i really believe of the vows we make in marriage but my guts tell me that he is not going back with her. Too many resentments from the divorce proceedings and multiple affairs from both sides.Please help me.I keep thinking there is hope that he will come back again once he smooth this one out again.I can't quit thinking about this and i really believes i can be happy with this man.

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Friday February 17 2006, 4:58 am:
also, everytime we broke up, he never went back to the wife.He just basically copes himself being depressed till he gets out of it..

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BRUNETTE__BABiE__CAKESZ answered Friday February 17 2006, 3:23 pm:
hey well i think that you should just get away from all that. still continue to be friends with but nothing more. its not good for your heart. he is a confused man right now and needs time alone. maybe he will get back with his wife. myabe he wont. only god knows. cait ♥

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muffinbutt answered Friday February 17 2006, 12:14 pm:
I don't think this relationship is doing much for either of you. However much you love this guy, he is keeping you dangling on a string and is trying to have his cake and eat it too. (Sorry all the cliches.) The guy may not be intentionally selfish, divorce is hard on everyone, however he doesn't seem to take into account how you feel whenever he dumps you. You need to stop being a doormat and forgiving him and taking him back each time -- put your foot down and tell him the next time he turns you off again, it's off for good.

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LubedPumpkin answered Friday February 17 2006, 10:01 am:
It's not worth the heartache. He's got a on his plate that he needs to deal with on his own. He's withdrawn, because he dosen't know what to do and doesn't want to get you involved. Don't get yourself involved, either -- you'll just set yourself up for more heartache.

Let him go sort out his life. It won't be easy for you, but in the long run you're far better off than having to deal with him being on-again, off-again with you.

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karenR answered Friday February 17 2006, 8:15 am:
You want an honest answer? Step out of the situation and don't look back.

I know it would be difficult for you to do. I know you love him and maybe he has said he loves you. But he is always going to be dealing with an ex who wants him back. After 22 years you can bet she knows how to work him. He may not live in the same house but she will have him.

I can see him taking the kids on a holiday...but her too? Come on, he is using you. Divorced men do not take their ex on trips, kids or no kids.

You are going to get nothing but hurt in this relationship. You don't deserve that. Stop wasting your life on this guy. You will wake up after a few years of this nonsense and wonder where all the good years went. Go find a good man who treats you with respect.

I hate to dash your hopes but I just don't see any in this relationship of yours.

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