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my unemployed friend just uses me
I have a friend that I feel expects lots out of me yet I get nothing in return. I had invited her over for new years eve to my appartment. She doesnt have hardly any friends and I sort of feel sorry for her.
Well I had invited her to spend the night over before I found out that not only do I have to work on New Years Eve until 6 pm, but I also have to work on New Years Day and my shift starts at 1pm.
Originally I was going to have her sleep over but after I found out I had to work the next day I changed my mind.
The other thing that sort of annoyed me was that after I told her I had to work on New Years Eve until 6, I was hoping she would say she could find her own way over, but she didnt. She doesnt have a car so I have to pick her up right after work. I'm going to be exchausted and had hoped she could get a ride with her mom or a cab.
I told her that she couldnt sleep over and she sounded mad. I then explained to her that I had to work the next day. She doesnt even have a job and would probably sleep in until noon if she wasnt forced out.
I feel bad for telling her she couldnt sleep over but she needs to be more understanding. She also said she couldnt pay for anything. I was thinking of ordering pizza and she said "I can't afford it". She never offers me money for rides or even brings anything like snacks over. I'm putting on the whole show.
I really think I'm going out of my way for her. I'm hosting this get together, after working my tail off have to pick her up AND drive her home, plus pay for everything? I'm sort of feeling used.
Do I have a right to be annoyed? SHould I say something?
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Yes, you should say something to your friend about her mooching problem. She's taking advantage of your hospitality. Even though she doesn't have a job, she should try to be understanding about other people's work schedules. Honestly, I thing you should tell her that she needs to start kicking in a little bit, otherwise the rides and free entertainment are going to stop. I can understand a person with a job not being able to afford to be the hostess all the time, but she could at least bring over some snacks or a movie... She's just using you for your money and car. I would tell this girl to either start paying or stop expecting invitations.
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You invited her knowing her situation. So why are you feeling so resentful? If you feel like you are being 'used' just don't invite her in the future.
But for now you are the host, stop whining and just be kind. The host should supply food anyway, if your friends pitch in great. But if you friend has no money, why give her a hard time over 5 or 10 dollars?
I think you are making a bigger deal out of things than it has to be. So what if you work until 6. Most New Years parties start in the evening anyway. And why can't she sleep over? You are not working until 1pm, that's late. Have her go home in the morning. What's the big deal?
It sounds to me as you are trying to come up with reasons for her not to come. Like you are going to be "too exhausted" after work to pick her up? Seriously if work is that exhausting, why are you even having a party? Driving an extra 15 minutes to pick up a friend will not make any difference.
So stop whining, and just enjoy your party. Don't let a friend who can't
pitch in $5 for pizza ruin your evening.
Like I said, if you feel like you are being 'used' just don't invite her in the future.
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Yes. Say what you said here to her. Make sure that she knows that it's not that you care so much that she doesn't have money, just that she doesn't really seem appreciative of everything that you're doing for her. Even though you don't like or dislike her based off of her money situation, let her know that it isn't fair to make her money problems your problems also. She needs to learn that she can't go through life being a mooch.
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