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my bf is always putting others down
My bf is always saying something nasty about his friends behind there backs. It makes me wonder if he does the same to me.
He has one friend who is 37 and doesnt have a girlfriend. He was laughing about him one day and said "that guys still a virgin". Another friend of his has a cushy job selling a health food product from his home and he said "he spends all day sitting behind his computer".
He has also said things about friends of mine. He told me he thought my one friend was gay because he didnt have a girlfriend. I defended him and said he just hadnt found the right guy yet. He also told me that any guy or girl who didnt have a bf or gf by a certain age was gay. He's said some pretty mean things about gays as well. He also makes snide remarks about woman, and thinks that men are superior.
I don't know why he has to act like this, I don't like him when he acts this way. When he's alone with me he is really sweet but when he's around his other friends this really mean side of him comes out.
Is this a guy thing? Are all guys like this? And what can I say to him to get him to stop making all the put downs?
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All guys are not like this. However, many guys have some elements of this stuff. A good chunk are homophobic, some guys are sexist, some guys back talk others. Its no different than for women, some are nasty in some ways and some are not. Its really a not a question of his sex, its a question of character.
You can try to talk to him of course. Be careful here because people who exhibit the sort of judgemental personality like his get defensive really really easily. You have to really be diplomatic with him, and be prepared for stubborness.
The dual personality thing is common in guys though. I have seen some of the nastiest, most aggressive and provocative guys (not that i am grouping your bf with them or anything) be really sweet around their gf.
As for whether he back talks you, I would be very surprised if he doesnt. In my experience people who back talk a lot tend to bitch about everyone who isnt there at the moment. Sometimes however, its not neccessarily meant that seriously (sometimes it seems to be a form of bonding, other times its due to some sort of inferiority complex... it varies).
Anyhow, make him aware of what he does and see his reaction. If he seems apologetic, be patient and give him time to change. If not, maybe you need to confront him a bit more sternly. Its hard to say because his initial reaction is very important.
Oh, but do make sure that he really means all the stuff he said (one other thing that guys do generally have in common is a somewhat more crude sense of humour... sexist jokes for example are most often just jokes and nothing more).
I know this wasnt a lot of help, but good luck to you anyways.
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I'm a guy. And I have a girlfriend. I trash my friends all the time. They do the same to me. Its just what guys do. We don't talk about our girlfriends behind their backs. Hope i was of Help.
Timothy
FiGhTtOtHeDeAtH4
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It might be that he needs to put others down to feel 'superior' himself? Not all guys are like that, i can definitely assure you. I think he's trying to show that he can still be a 'man' even with a girlfriend? I wouldn't know.
You should talk to him and ask him why he's always putting people down. If he gets mad, just calmly tell him you don't really like it and if he would please stop. Talking always helps... just don't start yelling or anything
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