I recently started dating a guy Ive had a crush on for some time now. I was exstatic, because I really liked him. Now, Ive known this guy for seven years, and had little crushes on him every now and then, but only recently did it develop into something bigger. The only draw back was he had dated a friend of mine at one point. It lasted about 4 months between them, and she broke it off with him.
Normally I would have confronted her about the fact that I liked him and asked permission. It didnt seem like a big deal anyhow: she broke up with him, has since had other boyfriends (even currently), and it was quite awhile ago. They even broke up on good terms. However, someone managed to tell her before I had a chance (thank you rumour mill) and I was wrong; she was pissed. She claims its because it would be weird for her to "hang out in a group setting." Please take into consideration the last time we hung out was over the summer, over 4 months ago.
My question is this: Is this wrong of me? I have no intentions of breaking it off with him. I dont profess my undying love for him, but we seem really good together, and Id like to pursue it further. So now what?
denajah5 answered Monday December 5 2005, 7:24 pm: who is more important to you, him or her.you say you dont hang out with her alot so i would choose him over her.most girls get mad just because. what would a girl expect you to do if she dated everyboy that walked.go for him and dont be made about it [ denajah5's advice column | Ask denajah5 A Question ]
smile answered Monday December 5 2005, 2:32 pm: Continue being with your bf and try to solve the problem with your friend. You do not need permission from anyone to do something. Life is yours and you can do whatever you want. This friend maybe still likes the guy but you cannot do something now because she did not trust you and she did not tell you that she liked him. Talk to her and explain her that you like him and that you are happy now. Tell her that she is important to you but she has to understand you too. Remind her that the last time you hang out was over the summer and tell her that this boy is really important to you. If she is a good friend she will understand you. She will tell you that she is happy by seeng you happy. I think that your friend is a little bit jealous now. Be calm and honest with her and if she is a good friend she will understand.I am sure! Good luck!!! [ smile's advice column | Ask smile A Question ]
Razhie answered Monday December 5 2005, 12:31 am: Your friend is allowed to be irritated by this but it seems like you have already made up your mind. You don't feel like you are betraying her and you don't plan on ditching this guy over her feelings.
So the real problem is, how to deal with your miffed friend.
There is no reason to make a huge deal about this because it isn't a huge deal. Don't let her blow it out of proportion or turn it into a drama with all your mutual friends. Tell her you are sorry you didn't tell her first and that you really like him and will keep seeing him. If she insists it would be awkward to hang out tell her you don't feel that way but are sorry she does, because it means you probably wont be hanging out together much. Make it crystal clear that you don't have a problem with her and that you know you didn't do anything wrong.
If you don't really hang out anyways, then there is no actual problem. If she doesn't want to hang out with you two 'in a group setting' then she can stay home. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
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