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How to tell him?
Okay, I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's my best friend in the whole world, we talk about anything and everything. Trust is not an issue and never has been in about 7 months of dating. (And about a year of a friendship before that.) I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We've discussed all the issues that need to be discussed, such as our views on children, religion, and our personal goals for education and career, etc.
But I have another factor affecting my life that he doesn't know about, not because I don't trust him enough to tell him, but because of the huge impact that it would have on my life, my family, and him if I were to tell him. I have never told anyone about this and now that I've found love I see how stupid I've been in keeping it a secret and what the consequences of doing so could be. I feel like I have to tell him, and that if I just tell him everything would be okay, but I don't know. I don't know how he would take it or how my family would take it, and I know that it could possibly ruin a lot of things that I've worked for. I know I'm being a bit vague, but I need help on how to introduce this to my boyfriend and how to help him realize that it's not his fault that I haven't told him. And I think I need his help in introducing it to my parents as well.
Quite frankly, this is a huge leap into the unknown and I don't know how to make it. Has anyone had similar experiences that might help me sort through this?
Thanks in advance.
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Well I think the most difficult thing to do is open up to someone about something that could affect not only your personal relationship with your b/f, but with your family as well. But you NEED to be open with him about this secret. Show him that just because you have kept it from him for so long, that it was not because you didn't trust him, it was because of other more personal reasons. He should be understanding, but know that it will probably be a huge shock to him, since it has been so long into the relationship and this huge secret has not even been brought to his attention or discussed. Whatever the secret is you need to be understanding of his feelings, be considerate, and tell him it with tact. Maybe start out by saying something like: "Baby, we need to talk about something. It isn't neccesarily bad, but it is something that I need to tell you. I love you so much and I trust you with all my heart. You have always been there for me, and that is why this is so hard to bring up. There is something I have been not only keeping from you but I have also been keeping from my family as well. I felt it would be easier to dismiss the issue then to bring it up to you, which is so stupid on my part. I'm sorry about that, but I want you to know that I love you and I hope you understand..." Then go on and tell him your secret. Being tactful, yet blunt makes everything you are telling him straightforward and honest, even though he might feel a bit betrayed by the fact that you never told him in the first place. You need to find the strength to open up to him about this. No matter how hard it seems, just take a deep breath and do it. In the end it should be fine. I'm not saying it will all be so simple and so easy, but it will be difficult at first... AT FIRST. Time heals all pain, and problems as well. And everything happens for a reason. So be bold, be strong, and be honest. He loves you and you love him. That is all that matters and he shouldn't take whatever you tell him the wrong way. Good luck! Feel free to note my inbox if you want. I hope everything turns out good for you.
~Sherah
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he is your b/f so he should be able to take it! and it is on a trust basis, so i say go for it!!!!
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Well, since you haven't specified what it is, I can't say for sure whether it's something he needs to know. Although, I'm not sure if I'd like the entire internet knowing my deepest darkest secret as wel, so it's cool. =P But judging from what you've said, it's something you feel he should know. I can see you've given a lot of thought to this, so you know what possible consequences could be. You never know how people can react tot elling them something big, no matter how much you trust them. However, it's obviously important that he knows.
Make sure you do it in person. I know it would be much easier and less confrontational to do it over the internet or phone, but something big needs ot be done in person. Sit him down, and say you want to discuss something with him. Explain to him that it has been difficult for you to tell him this, but since you deeply care about him you feel he should know. After you've told him, ask him how he feels about this and what his reaction is. You'll probably find it's nowhere near a big deal as you thought! And I'm sure you'll feel much better once he knows.
Good luck.
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Sit him down.
Make the convo go like this
You say:
We need to talk *nervous look on face*
I was so scared to tel you because, well, I was afraid of what you would think. I know we don't have a trust issue or anything, but I just got scared of what you would think. Then slowly tell him the secret.
Hope I helped!
x-O Annerszz x_O
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sit him down and liek start talking and be like what would u do if one of your friends [insert secret here]
see how he takes it then tell him that its actually about you.
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hey! well you NEED to tell him. if you tell him, if he really really loves you he will be okay with whatever it is you tell him. **keep in mind if it is a HUGE deal to him then he might shy away for a few days just wanting to think things through...but if he loves you enough he will come back! good luck and be sure to emphasize how sorry you are you didnt mention it before, just that you didnt know how to say it or when to bring it up, and you just think now is the best time to bring everything out in the open.
xoxo helpachick
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Well, if it's important, they should know. They are probably going to find out anyway. I can't really help you though, not knowing what it is you have to tell though.
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