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Suicidal friend
Ever since i met my friend Sean* he has always been suicidal. At least twice a month he would say he wanted to kill himself, yet it would never happen. We'd always see him the next day. He was over emotional, the most over emotional guy I'd ever met.
We'd get in a fight once a week about something stupid, he'd insult his friends all the time but if you were to insult him he'd get this look on his face like he was going to hit you really hard.
We got in a big fight and i turned him into the guidance office at my school for planing to commit suicide to get him back for the fight and what he did to me. He knew it was me who told and went off on me for being a bad person. I didn't know what to say to him anymore, every reason i could think of why he shouldn't kill himself he had something to contradict it, he was hard headed and wouldnt listen to me easy. I dont know if you have ever had anyone tell you that they are going to commit suicide over and over again and put the stress on you to talk them out of it, but it is more stressful than anything i've ever experienced. And going through that once a month wasn't helping my already stressful life, now that you have the story, i'd like to ask you if you have any advice as to what to say to him to make him change his mind and want to live his life. I mean there are so many kids who have cancer, or they are disabled who would do anything to be a normal kid like him, yet he just wants to throw it all away. Guidance has no advice on what to say and either does my therapist. What can be done to prevent this?
Thanks if you can help!
*names have been changed
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IF he tells you hes going to kill himself he is obviously not going to and if he tells you it means he doesnt want to because if he didn't want some one to stop him he wouldnt tell you I've been through that ive wanted to kill my self before and i almost went through with it if he keeps saying it Tell him that even he knows thats not true and there are people who would do anything to be him like those kids you were talking about hes propably just all talk wanting people to feel sorry for him though
hope i helped
morbid
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Your friend doesn't need to be convinced to live his life. He isn't suicidal at all. LISTEN:
"Sean" doesn't believe in himself. He doesn't think he is worthy of affection, or friendship, or respect. He lacks confidence, self-esteem, self-worth....you name it. His parents most likely withhold affection from him. They probably pay very little attention to him.
His threat of suicide is a means of compensating for these deficiencies. He needs the attention. He needs to hear you tell him that his life is worth living, that he makes a difference, that he has value, that people love him. He contradicts you so that you will list more reasons. He needs to hear them.
Since he thinks so little of himself, he perceives his friends as being better than himself, and he compensates by insulting them--taking them "down a few notches". That way he doesn't feel so inadequate around them. From this point of view it's easy to see why he is so deeply offended when one of his friends insults him.
However, his emotional problems are not your responsibility. You are weary of his demands upon your compassion. If you want him to stop threatening suicide, you need to turn the tables on him.
The next time you see him, tell him YOU are fed up with life and are thinking about committing suicide. He will believe you, because he believes everyone has a secret dark side just like he does. Be convincing. He will be upset and he will try and talk you out of it. CONTRADICT HIM. By God, be convincing. Make him argue the value of your life at some length. Don't give in. Let him wait until tomorrow to see if you're still alive. When he asks why you didn't do it, tell him you changed your mind for now. The next time he threatens to kill himself, tell him you also have changed your mind and are once again contemplating suicide. Get it?
Not only have you stopped playing his game, but now he's playing yours. And he will learn something from it, I assure you. Nothing is quite as earth-shattering as walking in someone else's shoes. The point of the exercise is to help him learn something that you can't teach him.
Dr. Chad
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I use to be a "Sean". I felt abandoned with life and felt like no one really cared. I threw out words that i was going to kill myself or injury myself just to get attention from people and force them to say reasons why i should live. Mainly just them telling me they cared about me and that they wanted me around. I had a pretty rough life at home though. I don't know how this Sean's kid family is or anything. Usually people with anger problems like that or someone that plays like they are better then everyone and teases people but hates to be joked back with, usually have issues dealing with family or abandance where they feel the need to have to feel stronger then other people. So look more into what is going on in his life and try to find something that would make him want the attention. Letting him know that you care about him (which you obvisously do to put up with the fighting and care enough to write this to get advice) and that you want to help him. If you want try telling him you care and what not and see if his emotions change. give him a complement once in a while and see if over a few days his "wanting to kill himself" changes...
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Well,
most of the time, kids want to commit suicide because of the stress at home and their lives currently. He may not be close to the people/person living in his home. He may have problems with that/those person/people. Usually, it is whoever is at home making them stress. It's not him... it's his anger bottled up inside. You need to talk to him. There is no way you can tell him to ignore whatever's going on at his house. Just understand that... You can try to tell him that life is precious. If you know for sure if there is or is not a problem occuring at home and he is just saying suicidal statements just because he wants to, there is a good chance he is doing it for attention. Sometimes, other people at school make him angry and cause him to almost give up life because they think they will be better off dead but that's not true and you have to tell him that. Tell him life can be changed... his life goes however he wants it to go. If he wants to be a bad person, he has that choice but not neccesarily the right, keep that in mind. If he decides to be a killer, that's his choice but not his right. BUT... he can also choose to be a good person, return things to people when they are done using them, be a kind and thoughtful friend/boyfriend, that is a good choice but only HIS choice. I, personally, think he is stressed because too many people hae a problem with who he is. I can picture him in my mind... most kids who think suicidally wear a lot of black and talk to hardly anyone. People need to accept for whoever he wants to be and when people don't see him from the inside out, no one knows who he is. They simply see a kid that stands out from the "group" and picks on him/her for no good reason at all. Now, this goes only for some people. People who get teased in school are usually the people who bring a gun to school, shoot a few students and a teacher, and then take their own lives. The reason why they do this is because they think everyone in the world hates them and no one likes them and they have no purpose in the world. Who cares what everyone thinks? Everyone doesn't matter in this case because "everyone" is rude. Now, some people are generous and see YOU not your appearance.
I think seans problem is that he is either being neglected/forgotten about at home or at school. You have to show him that there are people who care about him. There are people who want him alive. There are people that care about/love him. You are one of each of those things. You have to let him know that! :-)
You can do it in a lot of ways. Just tell him straight out that you want him to stay alive and you care about him. Or you can buy a gift or something. Do something that let's him he can talk to someone and that someone is you!
You can email me at x_pink_x109@yahoo.com if you need any help, have any questions/comments, or just want to talk to me! :-) I'm always her for you, hun. I'm sorr about your friend :-(... but look on the brightside of things! :-) You can do it!
Best of luck!
Hope I helped!
♥ Kayla
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Honestly, if someone is really going to commit suicide they won't tell anyone. Sounds to me like he just wants your pity for his "oh so horrible life". Don't feel sorry for him ---thats just what he wants to make himself feel better.
Sorry if this sounded crude...
-Nina
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well first of all you are not a bad person to tell the office on him it was a good thing cuz one time he could have actually committed suicide. and for the fight give it some time he will talk to the guidance person and he will calm down and relize you did it for him, for his safty and well being. please think about what iv suggested because suicidal is a very serious problem and i just about lost my life from it. hope this helped.
**sleepiesheep**
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Well, although your friend probably doesn't want to listen to you, and your telling him not to commit suicide may seem futile, it helps a lot. It may seem like you are having no effect on him, but if you're nice to him, and you keep telling him he has a lot of reasons to live, that helps a lot. Keep at it, and try to be as nice to him as you can be. Let him know everyone likes him, and everyone would be horribly sad if he killed himself. hope i helped
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