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my girlfriend was raped in the past need advice
hello
my girlfriend and i have been dating for abt a month.. and she told me that she was raped two years ago i was the first guy that took the news approiately.. we had sex for the first time and halfway through she asked me to stop and i did.
and asked for me to take her home..i did..
and she asked to break up with me..
reason being that now everytime she goin to see me she thinks of her rapist...
i dont want to let her go..
i really care for her alot .
she suffers from depression alot...
i want to be a part of her life..
im one of very few people she let in ..
now she shuttin me out..
she told me she wants me to leave cos she dont want to hurt me like she hurt her ex's because of the rape always effected her relationships..
she says she cares abt me too much to hurt me..
i care abt her too much to let her go..
i need advice on this..
also i need to council her somehow.. please give me advice on how to help her get though this..
she refuses to get professional help..
please help..
even if we dont get back together, i want her to progress with her life.. and be able to have a realtionship again
please help
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well i think you should suggest to her to see someone about her problem about the counciling part you should make sure she knows its wasnt her falt for a start and if she keeps thinking that if she had done things differently it wouldnt of happend because it hapend and she needs 2 deal with it and move on,she feels weak and feels that she will never get over this and be able to move on but she can she also needs your support every step of the way i no your there for her but does she know that she needs to feel safe and needs to realize that she can trust you and that your always there for her.it was along time ago and she is still not over it so dont think she will in just a few weeks because she wont but it doesnt mean she will never get over it for one she will never forget that she was raped but in time she will be able 2 deal with the fact that it happend to her but she isnt going to let it ruen her life she needs to deal with it but in a way that something later on in her life could come up and remind her of the rape but she will be able to look at the way she turned her life around it will never go away but it doesnt mean she wont be able to deal with it hope ive helped xx
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im really srry about tht. but in order to feel like a true part of her life u have to accept the fact tht maybe shes not ready. if you do reall love her you can both get through it .
best of luck<3 becca
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Well, I would say, first you want to give her as much space she needs. I mean, leave her alone for a while, dont stop talking to her, just dont talk about you and her, yet. Try to be a friend, a good one, which will probably take about 4 months or so. Then she will start to trust you, and then you can start thinking about your relationship with her. Just dont try to rush things, try to make her be as happy as possible. Joke around w/ her, make her self- esteem rise, and don't let her think about the rapist.
-I hope it helped!
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well to me, you are between a rock and a hard place. If i were you though, i would consider your relationship very sincerely before you took it any further..
are you spending the rest of your life with her?
how serious are you?
if you figure these questions out, it will be easier for you to find her some help. Living life being afraid of commitment and forgetting things that really hurt in the past is very very hard. For her especially, because she doesnt want to hurt you. I would tell her that unless she gets professional help, you two will never be able to be together because there will always be that strain in your relationship. If you have any further questions or need to talk, my screenname is barbie90210xx <3 good luck
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aw. first of all.tell her that i really want to just help her. dont even mention gettin back together just yet.maybe the sex thing is just happenin to fast for her, and maybe wait a while until u guys deside to do it again...[if you get back together]..which i think you will b/c she just sounds like she just needs a friend right now.ask her to maybe talk about it.and let it out. but be sure to tell her that ur not really intrested in gettin back together just yet[even if you are] give her some time to heal. sometimes when she really looks like she needs someone...be there for her...but when she is just actin very independent..just leave her be...but i am sure things will work out wit you both.
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Tell her that you care ALOT about her and you respect her decisions. Tell her that the rapist shouldn't effect her relationships because that guy was a jerk! Just be there for her. And respect that shes not ready to be in a relationship with you. I hope it all goes well!
:)
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♥
Peace.
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talk to her....say you love her and that you are sry about the rape thing and that you dont want her to get hurt againa dnsay you have never been in this situation.....you should try to get into a relationship counseling thing...they wrk x33
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alright look just be by her and let her know that you care and don't keep asking her about it otherwise she will get pissed. and tell her that if she needs any thing just tell you and you'll help her. and if if i were you i would get up and see if you have a sexly treasmited dises. and rate please.
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you should explain all of this to her. i haven't been in a situation like this but juss know that whatever it is you guys will get through it. believe that, because it seems like you'll have a strong relationship. go to get help. there's a lot of relationship counsel places that can help you both. juss look it up on google with your town name & state. they can help you sort issues that you guys might have.
-hope that helped!♥
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