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Worst Fear Come True! I need advice, PLEASE!!
I wrote before about how my mom was sick and that i wasnt sure what was wrong with my mom( [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) ) Anyways, Now I do. I'm not realy in the mood to write this all out but here this will help alot. Today i decided to start up writing a journal again but this time on the computer since I can type realy fast just save it to a founder with that days date. Well anyways heres waht i wrote today (take in mind taht I started the journal thing today and the ---- means informatino i cant give out lol...
10-22-05- Saturday
Dear Journal,
I decided to start to write a journal. I used to when I was 9 or 10 or something like that but I never found it as a necessary as a teenager. Since I haven’t written in so long I guess I should start with the basics. I am 13 years old.I live at --------,Ohio. My home phone number is now ------. I’ve been living in -------- for about 10 years. I have a dog named Scotch and a Cat Named Magic. Ashley (my twin) is of course 13. Katie is 12 and Jenny is 23. Jenny is married to Brad and they have two Children; Alec who is 5 and Addison who is 3. I am in the 8th grade also and I go to East Palestine Middle School. My favorite color is pink. I am a East Palestine 8th grade Cheerleader. I was one last year too. I have a awesome boyfriend who I am sure that I am in love with. His name is Kevin Scott Ludwig. He’s 15 ½. He so handsome. He has blue eyes that I get lost in and has a laugh that can make anyone’s day. I have brown eyes and brown hair. My fears are really hard to explain so its easier to say that my fear that always haunts me has pretty much became reality.
My mom went to the doctors Last weekend for a yearly checkup, no big deal right? Well they drew blood work and such and she’s been waiting for results. Always, Thursday Addison and my mom went to school with me till after 4th period cause it was bring family to school day okay? Well when she got home she got a message from our doctor saying that they got the results from the blood work and to come in right away. So she called my dad and told him and he came home and them and Addison went to the doctors. Well, It turns out my mom has a disease. This is my worst fear / nightmare. Though I’m not really sure what the name of it is but its bad. Her bloods thick and it doesn’t have much oxygen and tons of carbon. She has to stop smoking. Also she is supposed to donate a quart (yes a whole quart) of blood every 4 months. She can have a heart attack and die any second. Its really scary and I cry if I think too much about it but the girls (my two sisters) are kind of acting like its nothing. Something tells me between the next couple months if it stays the same or gets worse my mom will go into a mild depression (that’s my opinion) just because she is already not doing well. She hasn’t been sleeping either. Like when my mom gets mad at my dad and goes to bed angry she will yell like once in her sleep at him ( its kind of funny). Anyways, she hasn’t been sleeping and when she is crying in her sleep and yelling and talking and a lot of other things. She is talking likes she going to die. She is scared for her life and she is terrified she is going to die. I don’t know what to do. I am lost confused and just out of it at some points.
Well I find myself that I cant write anymore.. I’m talking to my boyfriend and I really don’t want to cry right now and I feel the tears coming so I’ll leave it for today…
--Love--
Meg
Dear Journal,
Hey its me again! Well I wanted to fill you in on well more stuff. My dad was talking to my sisters and I about my mom. He was telling us some strange ways she’s been acting and how its extremely hard for her to give up smoking and she has to now because she will die if she doesn’t. Anyways, besides that miserable and unwanted news I found out some new stuff. Not only does my mom has a disease but something major is causing the disease . All the symptoms are saying it’s a brain aneurysm which as you know is not good at all. This is why my mom is scared for her life. She getting a appointment and will go to the hospital probably sometime next week to get a cat scan to see if that’s what it is. Wow you wouldn’t think this could get any worse huh? Between the disease and the brain aneurysm and the fact that my mom is just going wacky right now right? Well wrong. My dad last year went to the doctors and they said he might have a heart problem. So my dad was horrified and so was my mother. They had to take him to a heart specialist and the heart specialist said there was nothing wrong. Well wrong again! Due to what is going on with my mom and such my mom talked my dad into scheduling a appointment with the doctor to have a full physical. Well again they think something is wrong with his heart. He’s nervous but he’s not really one of those touchy feely guys . I’m not sure what to do. I cant control anything anymore I understand that I have to learn to treat both my mother and my father better because if something does happen .. I couldn’t survive knowing I treated them like crap. I don’t really know what to do right now. I really like the idea of writing in here though.. It helps me cop with what’s going on. Well I better go I have decided that I’m going to put today’s entry’s on this awesome website called advisonators.com so that I can have people help me out or help me cope with this really harsh situation.
-Sincerely-
Megan
Some basic Information-
My mom is 42 shes 110 pounds in great health and looks like shes atleast in her early 30's.
My dad is 41 hes not fat but not skinny. Hes all My dad is also in good health.
Just respond I'm not totaly sure what I'm asking for just give me words of encoaragement (sp?),knowledge, I dont care. Thanks you guys.
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All I'm gonna say is GO YOU!! You have the courage to talk to people and ask for help, that's great. You know just be with them, let them know you love them. Your parents are expected to be angry, they have so much going on, and I'm sorry all this is happening to you, but you are handling it well. I hope everything is alright and your parents are perfectly fine.
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well, i read that whole thing, and i have to say, it seems like you have alot on your plate to deal with. i really hope things get better for you and it works out with your parents. most likely, they'll both be fine. just try to keep your head up and dont spend all of your time thinking about it because if you do, you might stress yourself out about it too much. just calm down and be there for your parents the whole way if they are going through something like this. good luck hun.
<3
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First let me say I am so sorry to hear of your unfortunate incidents that have recently been occurring. I'm not going to lie to you and say issues like these are all roses and diamond rings but I am going to tell you things will get better. Someday. The only way to get past these things are to stay hopeful and to get it out as you've been doing with the journal. That's a totally good idea. I remember 4 years ago when my grandmother was sick and I was devastated. She was like a mom to me cuz she lived with me and my parents always were at work. I know you may not want to hear this, but what you need to do is talk to your mom and your dad. Put it right out in the open. "Hey mom/dad, what's going on? I'm scared, are you dying? I want honest answers. I'm not a kid anymore." I know you may be saying there's no way I'm saying that, but it's good for you and for them. They can open up and you can hear what you need to. Also, God forbid, if your mother is sicker than you realize, wouldn't you like to be aware of the time you have left and take advantage of it? Wouldn't you like to say good-bye? I know that's something I wasn't able to do with my grandma because everyone hid the information of her death from me. Again, I'm not trying to make you upset, I want you to make sure you're on the right page. Look on the brightside, maybe it's not as severe as you thought, but if it is you need to know. Let your parents know you are worried and you love them. Tell them you really want to be keyed in on what's going on. Besides having the talks with your family that I suggested, I think you need to relax. Try to take your mind off all of it every now and then. Go out with your boyfriend and love all over him, lol. I'm not saying go sleep with him or anything, but indulge yourself in other things you love so you don't get depressed and so you can get over all this. Also, I'm sure there are plenty of people you can talk to including staff at your school, and your peers or even your boyfriend. Also, if you still need someone you can confide in, you can email me. My email's on my column page. You might find it easier to confide in me because you don't know me so what does it matter how much you tell me and yet you still benefit because you can get all this off your chest. Just remember to be open just in case and be strong. And remember too, it's ok to cry. Crying is one of the body's natural relief regimens. You will make it through all of this and just look on the bright side even when there may seem to not be one. It always could be worse and be thankful for what you do have and hold onto that. Good Luck and remeber, I'm up for talk anytime. I can relate to what you're feeling. :)
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Oh my, where do I start!
Lets start with your dad. I am sure he is okay. He had a bunch of tests before and if the doctors said he was okay then, I am sure he still is. Yearly checkups are good for a persons peace of mind so, going and getting a physical now is going to be good for him.
I wish I knew what it was your mom had. If I did I could find you some information. See if you can find a name for it.
Right now, she is getting help and that is very good. Most things can be fixed if they are caught early. Sounds like she is working on it.
Aneurysms are bad things as you know. I'm sure at some point the doctors will take care of it. They may be waiting for her to quit smoking. If it was Really, really in danger of causing her immediate harm they would be doing it now. So that is a good thing (well, good for what it is).
She will probably get mighty testy at times while she is kicking the smoking habit. That would happen weather she was sick or not. Giving up the smokes can only help her. She doesn't really need any help getting sick. So, her quitting is a good thing.
The blood being thick, I'm not sure what that is. My grandpa had something similar too. I do know he didn't die from that so if she takes care and listens to the doctor that can probably be controlled to.
The fact that she is young and in otherwise good health is in her favor.
I can't tell you not to worry because that would just be stupid. You will anyway. But, she is under a doctors care and you need to trust that they will do their best to care for her.
Keep up the journal because its a really good idea. It will keep you from going bonkers.
I do have one bit of advice about it. If you have a live journal that can be accessed by others on the internet, take your address and phone number clear out of it (if you haven't already). Not a good idea to have that info out there.
Talk to your boyfriend. He sounds like a nice guy and I am sure he wants to help you out too. Be careful that you just cut up and have fun when with him too.
Right now everything seems to be under control. Don't let it get you down to much. Write any time you need to. I am always happy to listen, even if I don't have a good answer for you.
PS...Remember mom will have some really crabby moments while quitting the smoking. Don't take it to heart if she gets snappy with you. :)
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I cant say that i know what your going through but my mom does. My mothers mom had brain cancer. My mom had to go back and forth so she could take care of her. This was 2 years ago. We were going to originally move there so my mom could take care of her but it was hard for me to think about switching schools my senior year. My mom took care of her the best of her abilities and staying strong in front of her made her the happiest person. I think that writing ina journal is a great idea. It helps you get out nay pain that you need and takes a load off your chest.I encourage you spending as much time with you mother as much as possible. I can admit that i am the religionous person but if you pray and have faith that your mother is going to be ok then that will give yourself strength and your mother strength also. I am sorry that you have to go through this at such a young age. If you try praying it may help. I always prayed for my family. I prayed for my mother to have strength and strangely she had the strength to take care of my grandmother for 4 years. I think that if you dont think about it and just live your life the way it was meant to you will feel not as sad. Try doing someting to keep your mind off of it.
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Wow Megan, that's horrific. Well...my best friend, her mom has a brain tumor, and she's had it for 7 years, and now she's i think 50 and weighs 108. She's real boney and it isnt good. Her father on the other hand has a real big smoking problem,..he's got real black lungs and a heart condition i think. I think it's more of a problem to you then anyone else in your family because this is the time in your life you need your mom dearly. and your younger sister is too young to understand and your old sister has had more time with her that, you may not have. You deffinately need to keep a journal. Try and write in it everyday wrtie all of your feelings down. I told my best friend the same thing i'm going to tell you,...be brave. and think about this quote my communications teacher always uses "Courage isnt the absence of fear, but a need greater than fear." This is the time in your life were fear is present. You may be scared and you've got everything on the line and everything to lose, but believe me, your mom will keep fighting no matter what. i know she's going to try so hard, for you and all of your siblings. your father, he's got so much pressure on him, he doesnt know what to do with it all, as you may or may not know. he's scared just as you are, maybe even more. but he's trying to stay strong i just know it! whenever i was sick, i had to get this thing called a spinal tap. My blood was really screwed up, but now i'm so lively today. Stay strong but dont be afraid to cry, expecially in times like these. just dont moarn over it...it's going to pass, whether its good or bad...you can do this, i know you can.
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