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scared & confused. ♥
okay this is kind of embarassing, and it may seem like i`m worrying over nothing .. but i need help in figuring this out.
All my life i`ve been scared of being alone with guys for some reason.. and ive always had this HUGE fear of getting raped by guys and stuff...like i get petrified if i have to be alone in a car with a man i don't know.. and im also terrified of getting locked into rooms which is also kind of weird..
another thing, when i was ELEVEN years old, i had a girl doctor, and all she did was stick her hands up my shirt for a physical, and i mean it was no big deal, but i started BALLING MY EYES OUT, saying "you didnt ask me first!" and stuff, and i mean i could understand myself just getting a little pissed, but i was crying and everything, and i felt so violated and used, and i dont know why because it wasnt a big deal at all!
I`ve always questioned myself like if i was raped or touched in my past somehow.. but it never added up ,i mean my mom wouldnt ever do that, and my dad is AWESOME and he`s really protective so it wasnt him, and i have no siblings...so i just brushed it off...its so weird though like i have this weird obsessive feeling inside me that something happened to me as a kid, which is why i react to things the way i do now..
Well, recently my dad said to me "Did anything weird to you happend when you were at Montessory Pre-school ?" and i said "I dont remember, why?" and he said "Because a long time ago on the news when you were 4 we had to take you out of that school, they closed it because something weird was going on there..like someone was doing sexual things to the kids" and when he said that i just thought to myself "holy shit, i wonder if thats why im like this.. i wonder if that happened to me" but i just asked him "well what else happened" and he said "they dont really know, they just closed and the woman went out of town.. something weird was going on in there though, and they all of a sudden closed"
So.. I was just thinking to myself.. is there a possiblity that maybe i was one of the kids who got touched in weird ways? and even though i dont remember it..could it still be affecting my life now? like if something like that happens to you as a child.. can you conciously feel it sort-of even if you dont remember it?
please help me, i feel so confused.
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Woah that is really weird! (FYI I am like that only with short guys. Like this one short guyw as talking to me and I just felt like I HAD to get out of there, so I think it is normal...). In Seventeen Magazine, a Real Life story from one once was kind of like this. Like their parents got a divorce. And then like, her sister came up to her one day and was like "Hey I think Dad may have raped me a long time ago and I just remember it now" And then the girl started having nightmares and memories of sitting on her dads lap and him getting an erection and then having him finger her and stuff. You might want to tell your family.
Hope it Helps!
<333,
Melanie
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Your right that if something happened in your childhood you would react the same way you would years later. I learned inpsychology that this guy in the book told the world that he could take any child and make them any profession. Well some lady didnt believe him so she let him experiment with him. He made the boy develop a fear of white rats. When he done with the experiment Little Albert was afraid of rats. And the fear was so intense that he became afraid of fuzzy things, white things, small things, and other stuff to just by this experiment. I had a bad experience with clowns when i was first born and now every time i see a clown i start to cry. I think that something did happen especially if you have this really bad feeling about it. Most peoples feelings about a certain issue are always correct. So if you were getting bad things done to you in this school but you dont remember but your unconcious does then it will trigger the moment you see something that reminds you of it. Like movies or even women touching you. Its just a theory.
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Speak to a psychologist, either your school psychologist or one practicing in the community. Your issue is common and they have many means of helping you work through it. There is no advice any of us can give you to help you resolve your fear of intimacy, and that fear is compromising your chances of sustaining a long-term relationship (ie. marriage) and building a happy life with someone.
Dr. Chad
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OMG!that is horrible yea things like that can effect you even years later.. um someone i know has been raped once and this happened about 3 years ago but she still worries to walk alone at night and little things like that scare her so much while it doesnt bother others but people just dont understand that ... if i were you i would probablii let mi parents know what you remember i dont think they could do a whole lot about it but it might help in some ways my advice to you is relax try not to worry about things like that happening again talk to a friend (thats mature enuff to not say something stupid or anything) and usualli it helps but just try not to worry and think about it as much things should start gettin better and if not then you should consider counceling [♥]
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here's some more advice talk more to your parents about the situatuions and tell them what's on your mind
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Yes it is very possible. My advice to you is to research this. Mabye look up some old news articles on the internet about it. Hope you feel better =]
--Josi
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