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Feeling Happy
Hey, please no wise-cracks. I really don't want to deal with them right now.
Just a forewarning, this is a long one.
Everything at school used to be so easy. Then I got prescribed an anti-acne drug, and hit puberty - somewhere in there something went missing, went wrong. In the years since then, I've kind of slowly lost my purpose, occasionally it would come back, but I have no real "Drive" anymore. That is mainly what worries me. I have become the model of apathy, all the while worrying about it. I suppose that a lot of psychologists would call it depression, and try to make me "better". They would ask if I had suicidal thoughts and everything. The problem is that I live because I am living. I have suicidal thoughts, that don't MEAN anything, and I don't WANT to die - and I don't even know why, because I don't care about much anymore. I care, and I don't care. I wish I had real "fair-weather" friends, while at the same time I can't break away from my poisonous ones. My schoolwork is important, and I screw myself up worrying about it, when I could get it done so much faster without worrying, and be happy in my spare time. I don't even know why my schoolwork is important anymore, but I don't want to sacrifice it, because I know it would screw up the rest of my life. I play computer games, because I don't want to do homework, and I don't have the will to do anything that I need to do, or want to do. I keep a list of things I want to do when I have spare time, instead of wasting my life playing computer games, but somehow I feel that I will never do them, because I just go back and addict myself to a computer game. I know that I NEED to do things, and that I am screwing up my life, and I still just CAN'T find the discipline to DO anything.
So my question in short;
How do I find my will?
How do I discipline myself to do things that matter?
How do I find the courage to make new friends?
How do I shake that constant feeling of knowing I've been put in to boxes, and nobody knows who I am, and actually find people who will help me to feel happy?
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Any type of pills have freaky chemicals in them.
THey are supposede to be enzyme like and enzymes only affect a certain area. ( in this case acne)
But they have more preservatives and crap in them that affect other parts of you mentally mein. they are basically steroids. and steroids F*** you up. they stuunt groth and cause your own HORMONES to malfunction and/or even cease4 in production. do some researh on steroids and you will see how they mess you up.
Stop taking them. In a month or so you will feel better. Yes, a whloe month or more is neccessary to heal damage.
Fight acne the old way with water, dove soap, alcohol and busting them up with a needle.
(neosporin may help)
ps. I suggest you stay away for religious stuff( christian and satanic (including music) activities, books etc.) for that month until you think you are fully healed.
Just drop one in my inbox if you need more help.
Cj
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Was the medicine you were prescribed Accutane? It often has side effects much like the ones you are describing. If you are stil on the Accutane, I recommend you go to the doctor and have him wean you off of it, and also perhaps be prescribed medication for depression, if you need it.
As for the video games, that will take your own willpower, but just put them somewhere and don't play them, or allott yourself xyz amount of time per day to play, and don't exceed it. Best of luck!
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Firstly, the fact that you are even asking advice about your various difficulties is a good sign- you have enough knowledge and even understanding of your problems to articulate them quite clearly.
You'll have heard this cliche a million times before, but teenage years really are difficult:I think that they are best described as an "ever-changing limbo" -you have neither security nor real stimulation(which two,contrary to popular belief, are not at all mutually exclusive-in fact, I believe that the one enhances the other).
I can really sympathise with what you're going through-I too was blissfully happy at high school for one year before everything went haywire, for no apparent cause. Sometimes what happens in life can appear quite arbitary- this is however, an illusion. You can act, and I think you already to some extent know how.I agree with milliethu's advice about the video games-but you need to ensure that you don't repalce them with something equally isolating. This site is actually an excellent place-you should try becoming a columnist!(everyone who logs on has the automatic right to do that). In giving advice , which usually has some relevance to your own experience, you can sometimes discover things about yourself that you hadn't fully realised before. It's also quite addictive, and while you don't make friends as such, you get to feel a certain affinity with your favourite columnists. In fact, internet chatrooms in general are a good place to make friends, and will perhaps build your confidence towards making contacts in the "real" world.
Just keep living from day to day, and you'll be allright. Feel free to drop a personal question in my inbox.
The best of luck, Lucretia.
Thank you for your response. I hope that I didn't patronise you by failing to realise that you were probably already a columnist. I have now also added you to my favourites, not in response to your doing that to me, which I would never do, but because I respect your column which had not previously come to my notice. Lucretiax.
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Hmm.
I'm a very life changing type of person. Talk to me and you'll be freed from all those teen problems. Your constant following of trends having you buying all this crap at overpriced amounts of money. Among other things.
From the many people I've talked to, well....They usually get pissed at first because the way I think is the exact opposite. It at first may be a crappy way to look at everything...but then it becomes comforting. Why? Because you can sit back and laugh.
Bring your problems to me. For I shall solve them. Or not, shit, I dont care.
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ok first, you need to get rid of your games. you either need to throw them out, store them away, or give them to your parents. inthen, you need to go to the bookstore and buy yourself a copy of "life stratigies for teens", and read the hole thing once or twice. it should shape you up most of the way. thats how i got over alot of my shyness, bad habbits, parent problums, denial problums,etc. and im shure it will help you. hope i helped!
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