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Did I do this right?
I'm going to put you to work here.
How do you meet people? Like, people of the non-male persuation.
How do you act "normal" without forcing the normal so much that you seem weird?
How do you fake confidence if you feel like you're not really worth it?
How do you believe your friend when they tell you how good you really are, when you don't think you are?
Assuming you meet someone, how do you go about asking them out?
Assuming they go for it, how do you go about not being nervous?
Assuming you're not nervous and it goes well (in your eyes) how long do you wait till you ask them out again?
Why don't I feel like I'm really worth it for any girl?
Why do I feel like people tell me I'm a good person just to make me feel better?
Why in gods name am I so cynical?
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Cleaning?
Did I do this right?
- no.
I'm going to put you to work here.
- fuck. But okay.
How do you meet people? Like, people of the non-male persuation.
- Through other people for the most part. A friend of a friend kind of thing. Also, there is the whole stranger's meeting situation while out places.
How do you act "normal" without forcing the normal so much that you seem weird?
- You can't force yourself to be normal. And seriously what is "normal"? That is a really subjective term. Personally, I think the people that many consider "normal" to be very weird and unappealing. Do you really want to be the "norm" or would you rather be unique and still get to be yourself? But that might not be what you're implying by this vague and stupid question (I jest), maybe you want to know how to seem upbeat yet not over-caring about everything so you don't seem depressed yet at the same time don't seem overenthusiastic? I don't know. If you want to know how to go through a situation and maintain casual conversation without forcing yourself to "fit in" to the conversations and activities too much? Well, the best advice I could give for that would be just to talk when you have something to add, but listen during the times you don't have something to add. If you have no idea what the person is talking about, ask them to talk about it more and act interested, sometimes even if you're not. It's like humouring them for the sake of being polite.
How do you fake confidence if you feel like you're not really worth it?
- Do you think you deserve someone? Anyone? I think you think you deserve someone, otherwise you wouldn't bother searching. In order to get to the point where you can really be a part of a relationship (as opposed to someone's bitch because you are afraid of upsetting the relationship because you have no self esteem/confidence), you need to have the confidence in yourself that even if you don't have a full dose of self esteem, that you at least feel that it's worth it to TRY and improve. That in itself is a step in the right direction. So how do you go about "faking it" if you really don't feel like you're worth it? Well you just do it anyways. You talk to people, you initiate conversation, you keep your head up, you smile at strangers in a non-creepy way, you don't let the crappy inevitable things that happen bring you to your lowest. You stay resilient. I think everyone's confidence is technically fake, but if you tell yourself that you're going to make everyone else believe you're worth their effort and their time, you're on the right track.
How do you believe your friend when they tell you how good you really are, when you don't think you are?
- It really is up to you to just believe it. And if you really and truly deep down don't believe them, maybe you need to consider that you just have self-esteem problems and that even you can be wrong about yourself because you are given a really crappy perspective. You can't really force yourself to believe them, but Wes has often said that if you just pretend you believe them, eventually you might actually just start believing them. Honestly, I can't give a very good answer to this because I too struggle with what people tell me versus what I believe to be true about myself.
Assuming you meet someone, how do you go about asking them out?
- Hummm... if we're talking "asking them out on a date" as opposed to asking them out as in starting an actual relationship, you have to simply ask them if they want to get together with you. You can't really go about this without directly asking them, because the whole getting a friend to ask them thing is pretty 8th grade. If they see that you are confident (fake or not) to ask them to do something, then hey maybe they'll like that. So you just ask them.
Assuming they go for it, how do you go about not being nervous?
- Avoiding date-wrecking kind of nervousness can only be achieved (in my oh so humble opinion) by the unexpected hybrid of pessimism and optimism. If you think that worst case scenario, this doesn't work out - well then there "other fish in the sea" because you know what? There are. Relationships are what you make of them, and a lot of things are based on perspective. If you go into a date thinking "holy fuck if I screw this up I will die alone and wrinkly and all pure and stuff" well then, chances are that your sheer desperation to make it go well will make things go badly. If you keep a calm attitude about things, in a "there are other options, but it would be nice if I didn't need to explore them" way, you will most likely be a little less nervous, and little bit more capable of functioning like a normal human being that someone might want to date. A healthy amount of nervousness is going to be unavoidable, because that's just how people are. You're unsure, so you get nervous, but if you keep things in a positive light, you at least won't go crazy.
Assuming you're not nervous and it goes well (in your eyes) how long do you wait till you ask them out again?
- If you think things are going well as a date/outting/something is winding down, why not say "I think we should do this again, how about you?" Or something along those lines. I think that's best because you can probably tell if they don't have the same feelings, because they are right there and can't avoid telling you things to spare feelings or other stupid crap like that.
Why don't I feel like I'm really worth it for any girl?
- Because you refuse to realize that you fulfill what a lot of girls are looking for, yet what you lack is the confidence to pursue those girls. If you put yourself out on the line, you might find that you really are worth it (and you are).
Why do I feel like people tell me I'm a good person just to make me feel better?
- Because they think that you don't realize that you are, and it's a pretty rare thing. It's true, they probably are trying to make you feel better, but that doesn't mean they aren't right about what they're saying.
Why in gods name am I so cynical?
- You're inherently sociopathic? Or maybe you are jaded because the world is full of a lot of crappy and weird people. Or maybe you're just afraid, which happens to be how most other people are feeling. I am a very cynical person, but the polar opposite is creepy. We should both find happy mediums.
I'd like to direct you to some very good advice givers who are also male. Sometimes, I just can't give you the right perspective that you need. These are some very insightful people that I think would be more than happy to answer questions for you (shut up and take my advice)
MFS
MaxwellsSilverHammer
As for other advice givers I would suggest as kickass;
(these are female)
Notso (she may be familiar to you)
spacefem (creator)
Draak
and jbdreamer
These suggestions are just because I don't feel like I always answered everything as best I could for you, because I don't have all that much experience. But I tried so screw you.
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