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difficult housemates
I have a real problem with a flatmate of mine. I am mixed caucasian/african and he is South African. The first time we met (I am the newest flatmate in a long established shared house) he just glared at me , didn't smile or introduce himself.
Now, he is forever accusing me of not doing my share of the cleaning and making a mess in the bathroom, which is unfair. Up until now, i have just aplologised in order to keep the peace, but his unjust attitude(which i suspect, as i have implied, is caused by racism) is really starting to bug me. Any suggestions? Thanksx.
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Hmm. There is no garuntee that your flatmate's issues are stemming from racist attitudes; but if they are, you have little chance of changing them (especially being that he's a grown man and all; and the culture he grew up in is a pretty strong foundation for his current values - or lack thereof). I'm sorry, life is just not like a made-for-TV movie where the people who are wrong learn their lesson at the end of two hours. I would not "give up on him"; if he gives any hint of noticing his errors or if it comes up in conversation - address it. Also address blatant acts (such as calling you "colored" which I believe is the South African term for those of mixed race) right away. You are entitled to his respect. Even if he does not like you; make him deal with you in a respectful and civil manner.
As far as the cleaning and bathroom thing; don't give him any rope. Make a list of all cleaning duties. Mark off (with time and date if you REALLY want to keep him at bay) the tasks that you complete. If you are sharing a bathroom, make it a "neutral" area where both of you keep your toiletries in you bedroom (shaving cream, toothbrush, towels, etc.) and bring them in as you need them and take them out when you are finished. If he complains, simply explain that this is necessary to eliminate confusion as to "who made the mess in the bathroom" and if can't believe your word, than this is what it's going to have to be.
Good luck, and hopefully after your lease is up, you can find another roomate!
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when you two are alone in the apartment, ask him, "do you have a problem with me"?
you shouldn't really let it bother you. You two weren't friends and did not know eachother to begin with before moving in. It could be who he is.
As long as your keeping up with your part of the apartment and doing your part to make peace, then the ball is in his court. You aren't just offering the other half of the rent you are also offering your friendship. It's his decision whether or not he wants' to except it.
Keep your head up and know that your race or who are shouldn't be a factor. We are all equal and if your roommate is holding anything like that in his head, I would just find somewhere else to live.
Stay who you are and don't let the ignorance of others bring you down. =)
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id just come up to him and ask what his problem is.
explain the situation to him and say tht you do everything that needs to be done.
try to look at his behavior around other people form different rases to see if he indded is a resist or is just there to piss u off.
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