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breaking up?
As of recently I've been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend.
Within our first month of dating, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes, out of my own stupidity. About a month later we got in a really big fight.. and I just didn't feel the same about him. Like before the fight we would talk about things like getting married and having kids, but after the fight, It made me feel way too uncomfortable. And I told him that.
Oh.. and a few days ago, he was at the gym, as usual, and some guy gave him some pills, telling him they were Tylonal Cold. For some stupid reason, he took them. He told me, a little bit after he took them, that they were making him dizzy. Then he started talking about how some people were after him and were gonna kidnap him. And then he started takling about how we were supposed to be together in our past lives, and how he wasn't gonna let these people take him away from me again. It really freaked me out..
Now.. I just.. I dn't feel the same way I used to about him, and I definately don't feel the same way he does.. He's a tad clingy. Like when I asked him about what he would do if we broke up.. he said he would probably start cutting again, and drinking as well. He also said he might not be able to talk to me for a year or so. And it made me feel really guilty...
I need to know...Do you think I should break up with him? If so, when do you think I should do it, and what should I say?
Thanks very much.
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Eww, what a clingtastic freak. It's natural that you'd feel guilty, but you don't need to. He's a tad crazy, and you're clearly sane, so this cannot work out well. I would say you need to break up with him right away, because prolonging it will only make the situation worse. Also, do it in a place where you are sure that if he lashes out (not saying he will, but just as a caution) that you can find some kind of safety (an example would be, if you live with your parents, let them know what's going on, or a close friend that you trust). The worst thing you could do with this break up is lie to make him feel better. If you have no intention of getting back together - don't pretend that you do to spare his feelings; if he asks you why you are ending the relationship, just tell him that he's become too serious and that isn't what you are ready for right now. Whatever you do, don't lie, because it will only make things worse in the end. Another thing that is common is the whole 'we can still be friends' thing. If you have no desire to be friends with this guy - DO NOT tell him 'we can still be friends' because a clingy person will just come back and say "you said we could be friends" and use it as an excuse to stay in your life.
As for the whole cutting and drinking if you break up, this sounds awful but, tough crap for this guy. If he wants to knowingly do destructive things to himself, that isn't your fault and there is no reason why you should hold off on ending the relationship just because he's a total weirdo.
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I don't want to say that it sounds a bit manipulative, but well... he sounds a bit manipulative. He seems out of control and not caring that he's out of control. Taking random pills, telling you things to intentionally make you feel as if you can't have life away from him, etc... not good signs. As for the "marriage proposal", I wouldn't put too much weight on that.
I can't blame you for no longer feeling the same way - it sounds like the relationship is unhealthy, there's not a lot of trust between the two of you, and that the love is more an addiction than it is a heartfelt sharing of each other's lives.
My fear is that it won't matter what you would say, should you choose to end the relationship - from what you've indicated, he likely won't hear it anyway. If you do break it off, make sure you have a friend or two at your disposal in case strange things happen.
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