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me, my weight, and her...
I'm going to visit my friend heather soon, and i'm over weight. I've talked to her about this before, but i don't know if she remembers. I REALLY like her and from what i know she likes me too. but we live 30 minuets apart. and i'm soo afraid that when she sees me, she won't like me the same way anymore. i've asked her "What if i'm not what you expect?" she told me that It dosen't matter to her. but im so self concious about me and my weight/size i can't help but think the way i am. I want to talk to her about it but when i talk or even think about it i get real emotional.. and sometimes i cry. I just really want to know if it matters or not to her. Can you please help me Michele.
-Nab-
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Dear Nab,
Please, let me try and ease your mind. I am a normal sized woman, a size 8, most people would consider that small, and some women would be very pleased to be a size 8. Now me personally, I LOVE large men. I really do. And I suspect that it is for a few reasons. 1. They certainly seem to be more sincere. 2. They are certainly more earnest. (work harder to win my affection, and to please me). 3. I suspect that I knew I would have him all to myself, as there would be less chance of some young hot beautiful girl steeling him from me. Believe me, the way things are today.....I have dated drop dead looking guys and girls try to steel them from you right on the spot. 4. Hot looking guys have big egos, they are conceded, but have not substance, no personality, and usually they are not sincere.
My guess would be, since you already told her that you are overweight. And she still wants to see you, then she must be OK with it. I would say then, that it does not matter to her.
Mostly it will be your words that will win her over. Treat her with respect. Treat her with honor. Something todays young boys don't know how to do. Of course, lets hope she acts honorably.
I remeber meeting a guy that I was not too impressed with, most likely it was the situation, as I usually don't go out with guys that I meet at a bar, and he was overweight, but he was insistant on persuing me. Again I was not interested, then one day he called me and said
"would you do me the honor of having dinner with me?" I was floored. "the honor" ?!?!?!? No man had ever said that to me before. I felt that he meant it, and I did end up going out with him. And we did have a long term relationship. So I say it is your words that will capture her heart. Most women are not so shallow that they judge a man by his looks. I think you will do just fine. You sound very sincere. Once you get to know each other, you can ask her for advice, or to help you loose weight and stick to a diet, a suggestion like that will let her know that you are willing to do what it takes to please her.
I wish you luck and hope the meeting goes well. Sure I know your anxious, and there is no way around it, but I think things will turn out alright. Just be sure that you don't "constantly" bug her about "do you like me or not" "You must think I am fat". YOu must think I am ugly" "what could you possibly see in me" Because you will always be looking for positive affirmation from her. Give yourself the positive affirmations. Don't expect them from her all the time. Judge her feelings for you by how she treats you, because she may find it hard to give compliments.
I hope this helps. good luck to you. Thanks for writing.
Michele
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