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Question Posted Sunday July 31 2005, 3:58 pm

My entire family favors my younger sister over me for everything. She always gets all the attention, gets to do more stuff, and is handed stuff. On the other hand, I have always had to work for what I want. Now, my sister is 15 and my parents are getting her a car in a few months. And I'm 17 and I havent had a car yet because my parents are making me pay for it. They pay for her cell phone bill which is $50+ and they won't even get me one for much cheaper. I've always had to pay for my stuff, and its getting annoying how everything is being handed to her. With the stuff she gets in trouble with, she doesn't even deserve it.

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WittyUsernameHere answered Sunday April 18 2010, 1:08 am:
In five years, you'll be thanking them. You have a work ethic, you understand the value of effort and you're no stranger to working for the shit you want.

Your sister is about to follow you into a world where she expects to be handed everything just like she always has and will be bitterly disappointed by the reality of work.

That said, you should ask your parents. Seriously. Sit them down and line out the things that your sister gets that you don't, and ask them why you don't get equal treatment.

It's an issue that deserves to be directly addressed. Do it when your sister is not around, not within earshot to interrupt, but you at least deserve an answer.

I won't sugar coat it. Parents are human beings too, and humans are imperfect. They might not realize what they're doing, they might not care, I don't know them so I can't say.

But, you should know that this is a fairly common phenomenon. The first child gets treated with kit gloves, and also often gets less because the parents are less financially established. They were worried they would screw up with you, and they obviously at this point feel that they didn't, so they loosened up.

It's not fair, bit you should be aware of the fact that it also represents a ridiculous level of confidence in you. Your sister is getting treated like this because they wanted to spoil the hell out of you, but were afraid to.

When you turned out the way you did, they consciously or unconsciously started loosening up assuming that your sister will at least be in the same ball park.

Thing is, how do you just say that the rules and things you put in place aren't as important as you thought? They made agreements with you to pay your car, they'd established a phone policy with you, how do they go back on what was logical and made sense before?

Talk to them. Tell them that you'd like a re-evaluation because you think that you and your sister should be held to similar standards or at least have similar levels of privileges available to you.

Work that angle. "Why is she allowed this and not me, if there's a reason I haven't earned having my phone or car paid for what do I need to prove that I deserve the same as my sister?"

Be earnest, honestly a little manipulation is not out of line here in my opinion. Let them feel guilty about it, and for that you need to keep anger under control and bleed hurt.

Feel free to drop me a line if you want feedback on new developments.

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NinjaNeer answered Thursday April 15 2010, 9:34 pm:
It might suck now, but you won't be able to call your parents on it. Trust me, I tried to do it with my parents (I'm the older sister, younger is spoiled rotten) and they only claimed that they don't play favourites and that we get equal treatment. Right.

The one thing you can take consolation in is the fact that you will be better able to budget, make decisions and take care of yourself than your sister. In having to budget yourself for these things, you're learning some valuable skills that will come in handy in the future. Your sister, on the other hand, is going to have a rough time of it once she learns that mommy and daddy won't always be there to give her everything she wants.

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Katlyn answered Thursday April 15 2010, 9:12 pm:
Maybe you should talk to them about this just have them sit down and talk about all this im sure they will reason with you and will treat you the same. But i think the reason they treat a little differently then you is because shes younger and maybe because shes just been spoiled since the beginning so ya dont take it to heart i dealt with a similar situation and i always hated it but i talked to my parents and they actually understood and made my brother actually work a little harder for everything and now were pretty much treated like equals.

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