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how to break the news, and deal with it yourself
okay, im not sure if this belongs under illnesses, but... my friend has cancer, he is 22. well actually hes more of my boyfriends friend. well today he called me, and he told me that he just got out of the hospital, and he had a mini- stroke... well first off... whats a mini- stroke? isnt a stroke... a stroke????
well, he asked me to do a favor for him since he can barely talk (( his one side is completely numb )) but, the favor was to tell my bf about it... ok, so i can do that... but im just afraid of how my bf will react... i mean this is my bf's hero... and i dont know... i honestly dont think this guy has much time left... and i dont wanna tell my bf that, cus thats just rude, and im sure no one wants to hear that.
how do i tell my bf about all this, and what do when he reacts... what do i say to him? i know he'll start crying... and plus... when our friend does "go" how do i handle that... i have to cope with it myself, and try to help my bf with it. and when im under that much stress, and when someone i know passes away, i dont get upset, i get mad... and i dont show my feelings because i try and help everyone else first... and myself last. but i will eventually let it all out, and its 10xs worse... im just confused... im not sure why i do this, and if i do... everyone will be worried about me... and i dont want that to happen either.
please help me!
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First off a mini - stroke is like a regular stroke, but it doesn't cause a lot of harm and not a lot of damage to become a regular stroke. Second, he asked you ( as prob. his dying wish ) to tell your b/f. There is no easy way to say anything of this magnatude. So, I would just take your b/f asside and calmly tell him what he wants you to tell your b/f. Thrid, When your friend does pass on, maybe try and have a little memorial service in your friends honor. Nothing fancy. I had one for my grandmother with just her picture and a prayer. Fourth, the thing about you helping everyone else before yourself, I did the exact same thing. So, what I would do, is after like three days of his passing, I would take a few minutes to reflect on what happened and let all the emotion out. Hope this helped and my prayers are with you.
*~Alexia~*
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I am so sorry you're going through this. I've been there myself and I know it's not easy,
Ok first off to answer your question about what a mini-stroke is...it's pretty much the same thing as a stroke only the effects usually resolve within a couple hours compared to a regular stroke sometimes having life-time effects.
One thing to remember, not all cancers are fatal. I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago and they were only giving her a couple weeks to live. As of her checkup last week, they're now saying she's beating it and can't figure out why.
Since this guy didn't mention that it was life-threatening, he may be one of these cases where the cancer is treatable or able to be removed surgically.
I would just tell your boyfriend that you have something to tell him and have him sit down. I have saw guys faint over bad news so it's good to make sure he's sitting. Tell him that the friend called you and explain what was said. Try not to inject your personal feelings into it as you worrying about it will make him worry. If your boyfriend does cry, then just hold him until he calms down and let him know that if he needs to talk, you will be there for him.
I'm giving you a couple links to look at. They offer a wealth of information on cancer as well as online support groups. Sometimes it's helpful to talk to someone who's been there before.
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From someone who used to hold things inside and now has the ulcer to prove it, you need to get your feelings out. It is not healthy to hold them in. Find someone that you can vent to or invest in a notebook so you can at least write stuff down. If you can't find anyone else to vent to, you can feel free to email me either here or at ncblondie@inbox.com. I'll be glad to talk to you and help you get through this.
If something does happen to your friend and I sincerely hope it doesn't, please go to one of these sites below. They are focused on getting worked through your grief and also offer online support groups.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I'll keep you, your boyfriend, and his friend in my prayers.
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ok well ask your boyfriend out for dinner and wait til the middle of it and tell him but first warn him that if you get mad that its not him so he knows that your not pissed at him if he gets mad...and try to be thoughtful and maybe put yourself in his shoes...but dont wait too long because you never know what can happen
~rachel
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