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dealing with an EX


Question Posted Tuesday July 12 2005, 3:37 pm

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months. His ex-wife was always calling and telling him that she missed him and wanted him back. She doesn't respect our relationship at all. Now she wants to pretend to be nice and he doesn't understand why I question her sencereity. I have a lot of anger towards her and I don't like feeling the way I do when I hear her voice or her name mentioned. I was never aloud to say anything to her or he would of been upset with me. How can In deal with the feeling I have for her. I don't like that she gets to me. Please help I'm at the end of my rope and I'm trying really hard to make this relationship work.

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ElmosBrightStar answered Wednesday July 13 2005, 5:21 pm:
Tell him how you feel. He is her EX. If he wants the relationship with you, he has to get rid of the baggage. And she needs her own help if she can't let it go. They divorced for reason, and they both need to remember why. Tell him that.

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ilovepink101 answered Wednesday July 13 2005, 10:32 am:
wow..well it sounds like you have it pretty hard..well what you gotta do it try to work with your man..i know if you try to talk to him and say shes interrfearing with or realationship then he may think that your jealous of her..which i hope your not because you got the man and she dont..well you just going to halft to do something about it..tell him you just dont thinl its right..having your x hanging around here..and im sure she thinks she going to get him back..but you dont let her..well just try to get along with her is the only thing you can do..really dont let her even get to you like she does..all she is, is a person to you.you have the guy not her..so be happy..you know..when she comes over or whatever just dont be worked up over nothing!!litterally!!well you try your hardest on keeping that steam level down..and just be kind..and atleast try to get aklong with the girl..
hope i helped...
*love always*,
ilovepink101

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karenR answered Tuesday July 12 2005, 6:00 pm:
An ex is always a big threat. That's why you have a problem with her. Not to mention she obviously wants him back.

The thing is if you trust HIM then she shouldn't be a problem. If you feel he still has feelings for her you probably need to back off. Because the chances of him going back to her if he still has feelings for her are great. If he has no feelings remaining for her then just ignore her as best you can. Also if they have children...she will always be in his life (and yours) so you may as well at least be civil. Makes you look good. :)

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Rebecca answered Tuesday July 12 2005, 3:49 pm:
Basically, the more you think of the things you don't like about her - the more she will show them to you. Instead of automatically deciding she has bad intentions by being nice, even though she may - give her the benefit of the doubt. He will not want to be with someone who is full of anger -no one does. Even though it's true the things you think about her and you may have facts to back it up - at the end of the day you feel horrible so you are not doing yourself or your relationship any good. Be supportive of him. Remember the things you like about him and why you are in this relationship to begin with. Make a list of his positive aspects - what's great about him. Then make a list of what things you can remember about your relationship - things that have happened that you really loved. Good memories. You will have to work to release the anger towards her - but if you can begin by giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she does really love him - what if you were in that situation...etc. It doesn't mean he loves her - but I can absolutely gaurantee you the more you push against this woman and his relationship with her the more it will be in your face.

Let me know how you are in 2 weeks after doing this. Don't focus on what is - becasue that is changable, right? Focus on what you want and what you like and pull yourself up emotionally. If you need more ways to do this, just email me.

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