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I Still Don't Know
I asked you a question before about my mom and how I thought telling her that I have crushes could destroy her opinion of me...
Well, recently we went to see a movie in which there was a lot of romance and kissing, etc., and I hate to go see those kinds of movies with my mom because I feel like I HAVE to lean down and stuff mouthfuls of popcorn into my mouth at the point where the couple starts kissing, or start sipping my soft drink. I remember at the end of this movie I finished my whole large soft drink and the entire medium sized popcorn bag, which is TOO much for me, because I am a light eater.
I tried questioning my mom about her relationship with my dad, but apparently my parents had an arranged marriage, so they had no relationship, really. Now I'm kind of worried- What if my parents decide it is best to arrange MY marriage? I am kind of scared that I will end up in high school going to my prom by myself while my best friend and her boyfriend get crowned Prom Queen and King, and I'll be the loser without a date.
What do I do?
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HI HOney, it is nice to hear from you again. I am going to say that I don't think that your parents will arrange your marriage. First of all, you live in America, and I think it may be against the law. They may want to coerce you into marrying someone they prefer, but ultimately, in this country they can't make you. YOu can refuse. BUt I understand that you don't want to dissapoint your parents. Also, I don't think your mom would take you to a movie that showed love and romance and kissing between a man and woman if she didn't want you to eventually fall in love and marry the person of your choice. Maybe your mom wishes there was more romance in her life with your dad. Some men are very cold, no matter what their nationality or what country they came from, or even if their spouse was chosen for them. You sound like a very smart girl with a nice life, so even if your parents aren't MADLY IN LOVE, they seem to be good parents, and are providing well for their children.
HOwever, having said all this. I will say that your parents are conservative and old fasioned, and most likely you won't be dating soon, and maybe not even until you are in college. ANd I know that doesn't fit in with your plans. You want a boyfriend soon, you want to be in love, and you want a handsome boy to speak to you romantic and wonderful things. And I guarantee, 100% that is exactly what is going to happen, but it won't be when your ready. It will be when.....I don't know, GOd, or Fate, or the powers of the Universe are ready for you to meet that right boy. No one can make it happen any sooner. Oh sure, you can chase the boys you go to school with, and if you look hard enough you'll find a boy who will want to be your boyfriend, but it won't be anything like you imagine, or see in the movies. YOu are all just to young, and he'll just break your heart. Boys mature much later than girls, so no way they are ready for a serious relationship, but hey, if you want to kiss them, well they really like that, and they will go for that. ANd you know your parents would be dissapointed in you. It is hard to wait, but I guarantee that you will be glad that you did. The young men you will meet in college are more mature, many are ready to be part of a committed relationship. Even plan for a future. And a young lady who didn't do a lot of "dating" in high school, will be more desirable to a young man in college. I hope you understand what I mean by this. If not, you can write again, and ask more questions. Any time, really.
You sound like a very smart girl who is looking at the possibility of a wonderful life with an exciting future, after college, maybe medical school, or law school, or teaching. A wonderful career, where you can make a difference. And you deserve a wonderful man who will love and respect you and plan a life together. LIke the saying goes. YOu have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince! (that's why they call it a "saying" because it comes true more often than not) And I am here to say, that hey, you don't have to kiss them. Just spend a little time and really pay attention to their behavior, and it should become obvious which ones are frogs and which one has the potential to become your prince. Just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean that he is worthy of you.
I believe all this will come true, as long as one very important thing DOESN't happen. And that is..... your parents moving BACK to the country you came from. If they do that, that would tell me that yes, they plan on arranging your marriage. (any talk about moving back????) I hope not.
Thanks again for writing.
Michele
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