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Am I crazy
I will be frank. I usually find myself with psychos or jerks. So I have a hard time not being skeptical about a guy who approaches me or when I have allowed my friends to hook me up. I haven't been in a relationship for about three years and have only casually dated if at all since then. I find though, I have ended up dating guys who are at least 30 and I am 22. I like the fact that the maturity level is above that of a 5 year old. I don't care about the money or anything like that but I become more relaxed around guys who are older and they often share my interests more then with guys my age. I have a good relationship with my father, he even approves and my friends think that I am crazy. Is it normal for me to find a relationship with an older man easier or am I just crazy? What are somethings that I need to watch for when I am dating an older man?
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Why do chicks dig jerks?
Copyright © 1996 Drew Mcpherson
The human condition promotes learning through trial and error; it is a fatiguing and often frustrating means of education. Women are excellent teachers of the bitter lesson that being a nice guy does not get a man laid. An "average" guy (who is often the one most capable of love and trust) is routinely brushed off as a "loser", and passed over for an abusive jerk who screeches up in a Porsche, scores, and disappears. So in a woman's mind, if a man is nice, he's weak. The nice guy wanders through life in a state of psychic castration, his heart scarred by the talons of female avarice and flawed psychology. He is a poor fool who has listened too literally to the women who lie that what they want from men is adoration and understanding. He has not suffered enough trial and error to lay bare the clandestine agendas of the female gender. So the nice guy has to settle for the vicarious company of flirting with a photo in a magazine delivered in a plain brown wrapper. But what of the "bad boy" phenomenon? Every man knows, or has seen in action, that the more he abuses women, the more successful he will be in attracting them; and the nicer he is, the more likely he will wind up as a "friend". But most men are socialized to cultivate harmony, not discord, and so they refuse to participate in such pathology. Most men are nice guys, who have no interest in acting like jerks to women. Logic would suggest that a woman would want to avoid being brutalized, so why then does she so lustfully climb up on the back of a Harley, instead of, as usual, wait for a limo to appear? The answer has to be unraveled from the tangled mess of feminine psychology. What a woman really wants is a rich bastard who turns out in the end to be a nice guy-he is the storybook hero of her novels and soap operas. But she will settle-for the short term, at least-for a poor thug who can offer her excitement. In her muddled vision of the world, she equates abusive behavior with earning power, because she assumes that television and the movies actually mirror reality, so that successful men are always conniving, ruthless, and underhanded. Bad boys are untamed and reckless and charged with sexuality. They are a "challenge" (meaning that they don't instantly fall prey to her Pussy Power). Flexing their Neanderthal biceps they are apt to drag her off to the nearest cave, and she can feel-for once-powerless in their grip, a rape fantasy come to life. A woman's hormone-driven "logic" will equate excitement with money, at least until she tires of eating at taco joints. She glories in the sensation of raw adventure-it is the same thrill which ripples through her when a rich boyfriend pampers her and indulges her every whim. For as long as she dallies with the bad boy-and it will be brief because his budget is in his pants-she can afford to let herself be wild, to experience unfettered humanity, to freely express her sexuality as nature intended. For a few racing heartbeats she will cease to be a whore and become a human being. And when the fling is over, her "morality" has not been compromised in any way-she can reconstruct her delusional self-image by accusing the bad boy of abusing her.
The average woman is a spoiled child, a selfish and arrogant bundle of desires, raised to be a rapacious taker from men. By the age of 5 or 6 a little girl has learned to scramble up onto Daddy's lap and to manipulate him with flowing tears or a sly look or a downturned face. He responds by taking care of her every need. Daddy is only nobly trying to insulate his little girl from what he knows to be a hard world, but unfortunately he's green-lighting her future as an abuser of men. She has already begun to grasp the raw power of her femininity-by acting "female" she can get anything she wants from a man. For some reason these tactics don't seem to work very well on Mommy, so she understands that her power draws its energy from the opposite gender. By the time her breasts begin to swell and her figure rounds into soft curves, she's discovered exactly how this power works. She is well aware of the effect she has on the boys around her, how much they seem to lust after her ripening body. The more they want her, the more she realizes the value of her commodity. She exults in her new-found strength, sensing its awesome potential, and even chuckles haughtily to herself at the boys who ogle her when she wiggles by. She understands that she is in control-this is something she can use to her advantage. It is the birth of an attitude which will ruin normal relationships with men for the rest of her life.
Meanwhile, Mom and Church, witnessing the verge of her womanhood, begin to instruct her to withhold sex, sermonizing that her body is a "gift" which she must save to give to "someone special". But it's too late. She's already learned that it's not a gift, but stock in trade-boys are waiting in line to bring her presents and compete for her attention. She really doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, why they are so intent on "getting into her pants". She has already assimilated the knowledge that her body is a tool, to be used for gain, not pleasure. Her mother continually warns her that "nice girls don't", and the more she holds out, the bigger the pile of presents grows. She doesn't realize that "nice girls don't" is just a euphemism for dishonest prostitution; that as she flirts and sticks out her breasts and wears sexually provocative clothing she is exchanging the promise of sex for gifts (money). And Mom is frantic to make sure that she remains a "good girl" (dishonest whore), so she teaches her that if a boy really likes you, he'll: take you out (spend money on you); date you exclusively (he's willing to let you train him, and he won't be wasting the resources he could be giving to you on other girls); and not demand sex in return (play the game by your rules, so that you can extort as much money as possible from him without obligation before surrendering your "gift", if you do at all). Mom is teaching her that for women, love is power; for men, it is enslavement. The greater a man's sexual needs, the more obedient he will be forced to become. If she manages her "gift" astutely, the payoff will be a lifetime of ease without her ever having to lift a finger.
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It's perfectly normal to date men that are older than you. Take me and my family for instance; my husband is eight yesrs older than I, my sister's husband is ten years older than her, and my cousin's husband is eight or nine years older than her. So, you are TOTALLY NOT CRAZY. Now if you were dating someone twenty years your senior, then I would see you as having a problem.
YoungGrandma gave some excellent advice about what to look out for. It's practically the same things you should watch out for when dating anyone: avoid jealous partners, overbearing and controlling men, men that only want you for because you are so much younger than them, etc. The most important thing is to do what you feel is right for you. You aren't dating for your friends, you're dating to find someone for YOU...someone who is mature, comfortable to be around and shares the same interests as you.
Good luck to you
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I see nothing wrong with dating older men if you share common interests.
Most psychos and jerks show themselves pretty quickly. regardless of their age. Watch for guys who try to control you. Avoid them if they are overly jealous of your other friends, if they demand your attention all the time and don't allow you to see family and friends. You probably know what to avoid. Anyone similar to the previous psychos and jerks! Good luck on finding a normal guy :)
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It seems that dating older men is normal for you, and I certainly know alot of woman around your (and my) age who prefere older men. There are alot of biological reasons I've heard for it, but in my opinion you are not dating outside of a reasonable range (for instance you are not dating someone old enough to be your father). These are the men you find attractive and the ones you have the most in common with. That's plenty of justification for a relationship with one.
As for watching out with older men, I'd give you same advice I'd give anyone. Keep your eyes open and listen to your gut. Don't invest in anyone who is shady or disrepectful to you.
Good Luck Babe!
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If you have to watch out for things ,then you shouldnt be dating an older guy .
Is it normal .Whats normal ? girls will always mature faster than boys so the age diference is not really that much of a factor .This is probably why you are finding it more comfortable to be with older guys .
.Every relationship has things going on that makes it different from others ,this is just another thing .
If it feels right do it.
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