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Hey its Jacey I'm the girl who lost her brother almost a month back and now im really feeling odd, you answered my question and i noticed u were older and had kids.
I wanna know whats going through my parents' heads. I mean losing your kid sucks, but I'm 13 i could be scared for life right? I really want to ask my parents about it, but they never talk about him. It's like he doesnt exist and like i said i dont want to forget him, I still love him gaddamnit! I just dont know why my parents can't see that.
My friends are still treating me weird and they dont no anything. There's one that i can trust but people are starting to throw around rumors about us. I mean i know this kid kinda has like a little crush on me but we've been friends forever. But now I'm barely even able to talk to him. I've moved on with MY life, but I've somehow left the world behind.
Everything moves so slow and nobody gets that i want to move on, I need to. They expect me to dwell on it. I cant do that. But I need to let out my feelings.
I wanna know why people are treating me like this and I wanna know how I can stop it.
Jacey
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HI Jacey,
It is nice to hear from you again. This must have a lot to do with your brother dieing so suddenly and so tragically and so young. I do understand how you feel. I wish there were a magic word that could help your parents out. But I don't know it. I have heard from many adults, who lost a brother or sister when they were young, and the parents never recovered. And the parents behavior did have an adverse affect on the surviving child. But you are correct you do have to get along with your life. Your age is one reason why you are able to get on with your life. You have everything to look forward to, and even though your brother died young, you still fell that the chances of that happening to you are slim to none, and you are correct. All kids think they are immortal, it comes with the age. It is normal If kids did not think they were invincible, they would never venture far away from the safety net of their home and their parents and they would never grow up and have a life.
Even though I have kids, I have thought about what I would do if something happened to one of them. I have given it, and life itself a lot of thought, as well as living an dying. And while I would be emotionally hurt, I know that I would go on with life. I would not shut down. No matter how short or long a persons life is here on earth, each of us has or had a purpose. And we fulfilled it before we left. IT may not be obvious to us who are left here, but that is the way of life and death. But I also believe that we come back to life in another person. Our spirit lives on.
So while I agree you have the right attitude. I don't know how to tell you to get the people around you to accept your brother's death and your attitude. All I can say is don't get discouraged. One day you will be an adult (soon, really) You'll be in college or you'll be working, and meeting new people who won't have known you when you were 13 and lost your brother and won't be in a position to judge you about how you behaved when he passed on. And that is what you are worried about, people's judgement of you. But I think you are emotionally healthy, and moving in the right direction, so don't worry about other people's judgement. Mostly it is our FEAR that we are being judged for all kinds of reasons, our looks, our weight, our brains, out boyfriends, our cars, but in reality, most people are so consumed with thinking about themselves, that they are not judging the people around them. I do hope your parents find the solace that they need. But it is still early. I really believe that they blame them selves for his death. That is a mistake. But so many of us do that. They feel helpless, and are so consumed with saying if only, if only if only..........It solves nothing and leaves you out of the pictures. You just may have to go this one alone, without the support of your parents. But since you are aware of it, then be kind to them, and find your path. You will do alright. The best thing you can do is have a good life in respect of your brother. I am sure that that is what he would want you to do.
GOod luck, make sure you have a good future. Get an education. You do know how fleeting life can be so don't waste it, honey.
Michele
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