|
I am in love with a debtor!
I am a 23yr old female, just starting out my career in nyc, just graduated from top university- ranked No. 16 in the country and I think I have a bright future. However, one thing really bothers me. My serious boyfriend five years my senior, although he is loving, talented, ambitious, sensitive etc. shows no evidence of financial responsibility. He lives at home and struggles to pay his car payments and car insurance every month, often making them late. He has no health insurance, and he is in debt $15,000 because of a misused Discover card he foolishily ran up during his college years and some student loans he never payed back. I don't want you to get the wrong idea, he works hard at his dancing career, and understands that he messed up. He intends to pay it all back, but it's impossible now because he is what you would call a "starving artist". His debt began many years before I met him last year, but what really bothers me is for the past few years he has completely ignored his debt while it is accruing interest at a high rate, he is not even in contact with Discover or his student loan company. He claims he is waiting for the "big break", a coveted position to be a waiter and a five star restaurant in NYC before attempting to pay back his debt. I have doubts about this "plan". I personally have no debt, and had the priviledge of having my school tuition payed for by my parents, who also had the foresight to teach me financial responsibility. (it helped that I didn't come from a poor family) So, knowing nothing about debt, how to get out of it, and how its affects you beyond your credit (his is shot to hell), should I be concerned since we often talk about having a future together? I hope to achieve financial stability by the time I am 30 and would like to have children some time too. Please let me know if it is a mistake to think he can overcome this problem, since it read it was very common amoung people in their twenties. Every time I try to talk to him about his problem he gets upset and defensive and claims he's got everything figured out. Thank you for taking the time to read this your repsonses would be greatly appreciated!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Many starving artist keep talking about this "Big Break" that will make them the next Bill Gates or something. It's all BS to me personally. I think you should sit him down and tell me straight out of your concern for his fianical problems and. If he can't get through his thick skull that he is in trouble, why are you wasting your time on him? I understand that you love him and all but, do you honestly want to be with a guy who has get rich quick schemes and is going to be dependent on you for all the fianical management? Waiting for the "Big One". Your man does not have everything figured out if he has 15,000 in debt and doesn't plan to pay it back until he hits it big. Try to support him as much as you can and by that I do not mean by giving him money.
]
Well...
First, yes, it is possible that he will-one day-become a financially responsible adult. But that might not happen, and if it does...It could take a while. A long while. Especially if he is a starving artist comfortable with the idea of _remaining_ a starving artist. And, to me, it sounds like he is...
Second, yes, you have a good reason to be concerned. Especially is this man is someone who you consider to be a potential future husband. Remember, many married couples divorce because of their financial situation.
I'm not sure if his debt can become your debt if you married in the future. (Young Grandma probably knows a lot more about this than I do.) I do know that you can keep your finances separate to a degree. If you have good credit, I don't think that buying a house would be too much of a problem, however, only if he is not involved. You would own the house, and be responsible for paying the mortgage on paper. He would legally, just be living there.
My main concern is...I think that you would become the primary provider if you married your boyfriend. That's just fine...as long as _you_ are comfortable with the idea. However, you might not be. You might experience some resentment in the future. Especially if you start to suspect that your husband is just a dreamer, who will never actually accomplish anything, but continue to remain dependent upon you.
I don't know how you feel about living with a man you aren't married too. But, in my opinion, this is probably your best option. You can continue your relationship, start a family if you wish, but remain completely, totally financially independent and separate. Then...if you stay together, your name doesn't get dragged through the mud and you don't have to worry about your money. If not, it would be easier to separate, and your credit and finances would remain untarnished. Again, I don't know how you feel about that idea, or how he will feel, it's just a suggestion.
That's all. The only thing that I have left to say...No matter how much you love your boyfriend, don't let his lack of responsibility drag you down with him. You sound like a smart girl with a full life ahead of her. Please don't make your life anymore complicated than it has to be.
Wishing you the very best...Adieu ;)
]
Hes probably been saying hes got it all figured out for a while now huh? Hahaha, hes a liar.
He should super glue his feet to the cieling of a 5 start hotel and reward everyone passing by him a glue stick. Then encourage them to eat it.
]
It is possible for him to get out of debt but, he won't get out waiting for his "big break". He needs to be working on it today because it will just grow way out of control.
I would certainly wait until he puts a lot of effort into paying it off before you plan a future with him. I believe if you marry that you will take on his debt as well.
I think you need to seriously look at your relationship. You seem to have a definite plan for your life and are very responsible. He on the other hand is the complete opposite. I think that may cause a lot of problems in the future. :)
]
More Questions: |