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The girl I'm dating has ovarian cancer...
29 Male
I met Mary, 20 years old, about 10 months ago. We hit off and started dating. It’s been about 7 months now. Her family life is a complete mess. Her parents divorced a little over a year ago. Now, her mom hardly returns her calls and her dad quickly got re-married and now lives about 2 1/2 hours north of her. With his new life he rarely makes time for her either.
After dating for about 4 months, she visited her doctor. Her stomach was bothering her. The doctor discovered a cyst. She had tests done and that day she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer – stage one.
She refused to have a hysterectomy and started chemotherapy. After 3 weeks of chemo, its stage 3. The doctor tells her it’s terminal. She tells her dad. He asks her not tell anyone on his side of the family. Meanwhile, he never calls her to ask how she’s doing. As far as her mom goes – she hasn’t told her yet.
Three weeks ago, Mary’s doctor said she needed to stop chemo because her organs were swelling as a result of her diabetes. At this point the cancer had stopped spreading. Last week she blew off her doctor’s appointment because she needed to work to make rent. She was scheduled to restart chemo. Mary works full-time on her feet. She smokes and has a glass of wine now and then. None of which her doctor agrees with. So as a result, the cancer has started to spread again.
Watching her suffer has taken a lot out of me. More than half the week she sleeps at my apartment. And on cue in the evening her pains skyrocket. Lying in bed she twists and shakes until she passes out. All I can do is hold her. She wakes up and the pain goes another round or two until she finally falls asleep.
I don’t agree with how she’s handling her sickness. Missing doctor appointments, smoking, and drinking. Just the other day she was planning to go to the beach with friends. I told her she’s not suppose to go in the sun while on chemo; that’s when I found out she missed her doctors appointment earlier that day.
I want to be there for her, but as a friend. I do all I can so that she feels like a beautiful woman. But I might just have to just walk away. I feel like I need to do something to get her to take this illness more seriously. I’m frustrated.
What do you think?
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Anyway you look at it terminal only means one thing. Unfortunatley. The Dr may not like the smoking and drinking and going in the sun...but they are a moot point really. Chemo may keep her alive longer but that life may be considerably less enjoyed. Chemo can really make you extremely ill.
She is dealing with a lot right now. I think her family (all of it) should know the situation. She is going to act up...wouldn't you really? All People take it diffrently.
I think if you have any feelings for her at all you need to at least remain friends for the duration. Try not to get on her to much because as much as you would like things to be diffrent they aren't going to be. Nothing she changes will make a difference either.
It is a lot for you to deal with too. I think you should talk to her about your feelings and let her vent on you a little without getting mad too.
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i'm very sorry to hear that Mary has cancer. im personally not religious but my aunt who just read this is...and she says that she will pray for the both of you...best wishes....i dont kno what to really tell you...if you love her do not leave her...if you dont love her than you shouldnt be with her im guessing that you do realli love her...talk to her about taking her illness more seriously..tell her that she is scaring you when she misses doctors appointments and dismisses the doctors advice that could eventually save her life....im sorry i dont kno wut else to tell you...best of luck
~nichole~
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Wow...
Well...I think I understand how you are feeling right now. I've never had to deal with an ill boyfriend, but I have dealt with extremely ill family members...I'm sure you're more than frustrated. I know I am...
Anyway, I'm really sorry that Mary has cancer. And I'm really sorry that her family doesn't seem to care. But, you are right...She's not doing what's best for health, and furthermore...it isn't YOUR responsibility to do it for her. Not that you could even if you wanted to. And it isn't your fault that her mom and dad are so...insensitive. Compensating for their lack of loving kindness isn't your responsibility either.
I may sound inconsiderate and uncompassionate. But you know what...I've been there. I've learned that the happiness of others isn't my responsibility. My only responsibility is my own happiness, and if I focus too much on the happiness of others, mine will get lost somewhere in the process.
Looking out for her is real nice, but you need to look out for you too. I think that this relationship is an unhealthy one. A healthy relationship is difficult enough, comes with it's own set of problems. This...we're talking a lot of extra obstacles. I'm just concerned that she's going to become dependent upon you, and that you'll end up suffering depression as a result.
And really...I think that being her friend, and just her friend, might be best for her too. She needs to focus on herself, her health, and I think that a relationship detracts from that. Also, like you said...She needs to take the situation seriously...
Though, if you love her, and don't want to let her go, then don't. Just be prepared and ready for what's coming. On the other hand, if you JUST don't want to be with her, don't let her illness make you feel guilty.
I'm done ranting now. Sorry this is so long. I'm praying for the both of you. I hope things work out okay. I try to check my inbox on a regular basis if you'd like to talk for any reason. If not, that's cool too. Adieu ;)
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I don't have an answer, but I will Pray for you and her, and you could do the same if you want. I wish you and her and her family the best!
please, dont rate me low, i know this isnt the best, but I believe that prayer helps a lot.
if you want to say something to me, please leave me a message in my inbox!
-Kelsa-
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tell her that she is a buitiful girl but you don't want to get to close bc if somethin happens to her you don't want to be depressed or anythin and then tell her you love her (if you do) and that you thin that it would be better if yall where friends.... have a great day... o the family thing if they dont care bout her talk to them tell them that she mite die and all they are doin is sittin around not even talkin to her and that's not how a family should act and that they dont act lie a family
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I think that you should talk to Mary. Explain to her how frustrated you are and that you want to be there for her but that you dont know how much longer you can go on with the things being as they are right now. I would also encourage you to convince Mary to call and tell her mom. She needs to know. I think it is really inportant for the mom to know. Talking is really all that you can do at this point. But, please, dont give up. Continue to try to be supportive and loving to Mary. She needs you more than you will ever know. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer even after having the historectomym and what helped her before she passed away was being with family. This is very serious and I hope you can make Mary realize that. Best Of Luck!
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Wow, Thats not only heart breaking but a scary thing to think about. Have you tryed talking to her? Maybe you should tell her how much you want her to stop smoking and drinking and offer to take her to appointments and if she cant pay rent maybe she cn stay with you so you can watch her and make sure shes okay... Maybe if you would like you guys could even have seprate beds so her twists and shakes dont bother your sleeping, Also Why dont you go, I love you soo much nd it would hurt so much to loose so please if any one for me, and stuff and if she gets better maybe you and her could go vist her family? or maybe if you dont think she will get too angry call her mom so she can discuss the twhole thing with her.. Im kinda young according to your age so you might want someones older opoion..
13/f
--Good-Luck--
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