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rape victim
I have a friend I work with who was raped as a child by family members. Now later in life she has her own family and children, but things from the past keep comeing up and it's very hard for her to deal with.It's affecting her relationship with her husband, both sexually and emotionally. She needs to know how she can talk to her husband about the rape so that she can cope with what has happened and try to move on with the future. Any help you have on this or sites where she could get advice on how to begin to talk about these issues would be very helpful.
thank you A worried friend
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You need to level with her and tell her honestly that if she keeps it in it will destroy her. Tell her she can't let the monster who did this to her as a child continue to victimize her and kill her marriage.
Let her know that talking to a counselor or a psychiatrist is NOTHING to be ashamed of and the sooner she does the better life will get.
As far as telling the husband goes it's difficult and there's no clear cut way. He's going to know that it's not her fault first and foremost and secondly that the problems in the marriage and her disinterest in sex isn't his fault either. A lot of healing will come of her just being honest and letting it out. Do what you can to encourage her to do so.
Incidentally, if you know someone else who lived through the nightmare she did that can talk to her confidentially that may help. If you use Google for your area there will be tons of groups, site, books you can point her too. Offer to attend any of the sessions or counseling if she needs you. You're a good friend as most people wouldn't act or try to figure out how they could.
The therapist or psychiatrist for that matter can help her and him through their intimacy issues surrounding their marriage and what happened to her. Eventually she'll see that her husband would never use intimacy in a way that scares her. He's in the dark right now. If she tells him you can bet their marriage will be ten times stronger over time and she'll trust him enough to enjoy healthy sexuality.
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I was admitted into a hospital about two months ago for depression. I met a lot of wonderful people there including a lot of rape victims. While I was there, I learned from peoples experiences how hard it is to cope with being raped even if it happened years and years ago. My advice to your friend would be to just sit down with her husband and tell him everything. The key to a healthy marriage is honesty and he probably doesn't have a clue to why their sexual lives are suffering. If she talks to him about it, I guarentee he would be a lot more understanding & try to help her & be there for her as much as possible. I don't know if she's ever been to any kind of counsling, but I do recommend her to TRY a support group for rape victims. You don't have to jump right in and tell everything right away. It does take time to feel open and discuss your experiece with strangers, but in the end it REALLY does help. It's nice to meet and talk to people that have been through what you have & it's always good to know your not alone. So please encourage her to do this. Maybe she don't go right away, but just inform her that talking to people and sharing your personal stories does help cope with it. Good LUCK!!! ♥
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