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My Baby
Well, when I was younger, this guy who I was sort of going out with(like an open relationship), we had sex and I soon discovered that I was pregnant. I didn't tell him or anybody but my sister, and she lived far away. I had an illegal abortion, and only a month later when I realized what I did, I told the boy and he was comforting but then he got mad because I didn't tell him.
After growing up some, even though I'm still in my teen years, I'm starting to realize I only gave up the baby because I was afraid of what other people would say and think about me. That was very stupid. And with me not telling anyone, I was left to my own thoughts.
But now, I'm starting to hate myself and everything. I can't stop thinking about how I would have loved this baby and even though it would have been hard, I would have done anything for my child. I'm starting to lose control and I am finding myself trying to get pregnant again. It's like an uncontrollable urge to have another child. I'm still in school, and my education means everything to me, and I don't want to mess this up, but I'm starting not to care, because like I said, i would do anything for my child. I cry EVERY night because I don't have a crying baby to soothe.
This is not a case of trying to keep a guy with me. I want a baby. I swear I really do. I need some advice on what do you think i should do.
Should I fulfill this urge, or keep holding it inside? Sorry about the length, but I really need someone else's view on this. Thanks so much.
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Im sorry I didnt respond sooner - my internet hasnt been working for a few days! That sounds so terribly hard for a TEEN to go through - let alone anyone. So, for that I am sorry. Although you may think what you did was wrong, having a baby is a lot of work! And you need to remember that. Babies require love, attention, nurturing, money, clothes, food, shelter. Think about trying to do all that while still being a kid. It would be extremely hard & painful. Dont hate yourself over it, though! It is wrong to give up a baby (or do anything!) just because of people's reacction. But, in this case it was neccessary. You didnt have a lot of options here. For now, I would say pay attention to school - your right, education is very important. I know you want a baby, but its not good option right now. You'll know when the time is right. When you have an education, a job, a husband? I think you want to take the other baby's place in your life and your heart! But, you have to realize - your first baby is probably, most likely, perfect just where he/she is! Its safe and happy, so think of it that way! I dont think you should hold this all inside of you. You need to talk to someone (anyone!) Whether it be a guidance counselor, parent, teacher or very close friend. You need someone to guide you through the urge. I sincerely hope I helped ..you are a very, very brave girl. ♥ Laura
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