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Is it wrong for me to want him?
Hi everyone, I'm 14/f and I was j/w if it would be bad if I eventually went out with a 19 year old guy. I'm going to be 15 in May. I've been talking to this guy for a year now. He seems really really sweet, but we haven't met yet. I just feel like I'm starting to like him now. We were going to go see a movie one time, but we didn't end up going because it was really late. I decided not to go. He always used to say I'm too young and everything, so he was afraid to meet me, but then all of a sudden that one time he was going to go somewhere with me. He doesn't seem to care about my age all that much now. I'm not sure if he likes me or not, but I'm just saying if we met and everything, would it be wrong for me to be going out with a 19 year old? In my opinion, it's not that bad. I know we could both get in trouble, but he's really sweet. I've talked to a lot of people that I don't know on the internet, and he doesn't seem like one of those guys that only cares about sex. He never tries to talk about it with me like other gross guys do. I was also wondering how I could maybe hint to him when I'm talking to him on the internet again that I like him. I'll probably be talking to him tomorrow night. If we ever met also, what are some suggestions as to where we could meet and hang out since it'll be the first time. If anyone can, please answer! I just want a few suggestions. I'm soo very sorry that this question is so long. And I also know that you'll probably tell me it's a big age difference, but age shouldn't matter if you really like someone right? You could always keep the relationship a secret, and not do anything illegal with that person until your old enough and you know you won't get in trouble. If your nice when you answer, and you give good advice I'll rate you a 5!!!! Thank you so much again, and sorry about the length. :-)
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Okay, I know not to lecture people, because I personally HATE being lectured. I do want to suggest some stuff to you first. The internet can be dangerous, so before you plan to meet ANYWHERE, be sure that he's not some 50 year old asshole that is going to rape you or something. Also, if you do end up going out with him, be sure to keep it a secret because that's illegal. The age difference is too big of a gap, and you're still under 18, so you're a minor. Be very careful with this guy and don't do something that you will regret later. If after you meet him and become acquainted with him better you find yourself believing that he's not a good influence or that you don't think you should trust him with you or something, talk to him about it or break up with him. The last thing you want is to have sex with him and get pregnant, then leave your parents to find out 1. you met him over the internet, and 2. he's 19 years old. If you need more advice my s/n is xobubblegum25xo. hope i helped!
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Well, I personally think you shouldn't date him. Four years isn't a big age difference when you're adult, but when you're a teenager it can mean a lot. I know that you say that age doesn't matter, and when you're older it really doesn't, but you're not older, you're fourteen. You may not think so, but you're still maturing mentally and physically at a rate substantially higher than that of an adult, and he is too, but he's got a four year advantage on you. I'm not saying that you shouldn't date him eventually, just not now--if you really care about him, wait until you can devote more of yourself to the relationship and understand what's going on better. Wait until you're sixteen or so, at the very least.
I mean, he's what, in college, graduated, or dropped out, or at the very most a senior, and you must be in eighth ot ninth grade. You may like him now, but the relationship will be weird; you and he will probably have different priorities becusae you're at different stages in your life.
That doesn't mean that you can't be friends though. In fact, I would encourage you to stay friends with him. It's always nice to have people of different age groups and stuff to talk to; I don't know what I'd do without all of my older friends I met online. The difference in perspective is always nice.
If you do choose to meet him, though, it is IMPERITIVE that you take your parents, or some other trusted adult. Don't tell him where you live, though, and meet him in a public place with the adult. And tell him in advance that you aren't going to have sex with him, no matter what, and you're bringing and adult, just to be clear. If you do that, meeting him should be pretty safe. Watch his reaction to being told there'll be an adult too; if it seems weird, he might be hiding something.
And most importantly, be guarded, but hopeful. Don't convince yourself that he's a crazyt stalker, or you'll alienate him, but don't go in thinking that everything is perfect and safe either. Most people are good, honest people, but the liars always seem most honest of all, which is why you have to be guarded with everyone, especially people that you don't know and trust. Boys you meet online are no exception, no matter how much you like them.
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A person can be whoever they want online... that's the beauty and the danger. So if you do choose to meet this older guy, go about it with caution.
Make sure your parents know about it, and are okay with it. Bring a friend or a trusted adult along when you go to meet him, and meet in a public place. Leave at the first sign of trouble, or if he makes you feel uncomfortable in any way.
Now just to clarify, it is not illegal for a 14 year old to date a 19 year old, but it is illegal for a 14 year old and a 19 year old to have sex. That's called statuatory rape. So if you do end up dating an older guy, just don't have sex, and you're not breaking the law.
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sOrry hun, but that's illegal. yOu bOth can get in alOt Of trOuble. yOu dOnt even knO him. but yes, yOu can still talk tO each Other but try just being friends. yOu can never have tOO many friends. and plus One that is Older, is mOre experienced & has delt with mOre prOblems than yOu. sO yOu shOuld be able tO gO him fOr help.
hOpefully i helped,
_ cOlleen *
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Dear Wrong:
Please do not go through with meeting this guy. Is it wrong to want to meet him, no he has been leading you on for a year now. It is natural for you to be curious and it is natural for you to want to be in a relationship. but please wait until you can be in a relationship with some one of your own age. 15 and 19 is to much difference in age for this time in your life, besides it is illegal for him to have relations with you. He can end up in jail, and with a "sex offender" record of the rest of his life. If he is as nice as you say he is, then don't get him in trouble. Perhaps he is just misguided. But if he really is a creep and you will never know for sure unless you meet him and find out the hard way, then. Let someone else find out the hard way. I know that in your mind it could blossom into a wonderful friendship that could last until you are old enough to handle a closer relationship. That is what every young girl wants. Just to be close to someone who thinks their special. Problem is, at that age, (I know this sounds like a cliche,) boys mostly think of sex. That is how they want to feel close to someone. He will pressure you and pressue you until you give in. If he really cared about your feelings and put you first, he would not have wanted to take you to the movies so late in the evening, when you could not go. He was hoping that you could go, because if a 14 year old girl can get out of the house late to go see a movie, with or without her parents knowledge that she is meeting up with a 19 year old guy that she does not really know......that would tell him that your parents don't care about you, and he knows he would have a better chance of talking you into something. But since you are asking these questions and you are being cautious....don't stop there. Try telling him that you want to remain "on-line" friends for another year, because you don't want to have to sneak around, and you will be ready to date when you are 16. Just see what he says to that, I'll bet that he stops writting and finds someone else to chat with. And if that does happen that means he wasn't really intersted in you only just what he could talk you into. Listen honey, you can say all day that you are not ready for sex, and you may mean it, and I hope you do, but you had better be able to defend yourself, because every man, and boy knows, that if they are in a girls company, most likely they can talk her into it. AFter all, it is how must of us experience our first encounter. I am just telling you that the older you are when that happens the better. And while you may agree, then you also have to be CAREFUL not to put yourself in a position where you could be talked into it, or even worse.
I hopevthis helps.
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OK, well this is kinda tricky.
I mean, do you have any way of knowing for certain if this guy is who he says he is? Its dangerous to meet up with someone you don't know from over the internet.
If you are very certain that he is who he says he is, and he isnt dangerous, and you would definitely, no doubts about it, want to meet him, then you should always make sure someone knows where you are. Bring someone with you. Meet in broad daylight in a public place. Don't go anywhere secluded.
This may sound paranoid but it could save your life if the worst comes to the worst.
Secondly, about the relationship thing - I really do think you should get to know this person as a friend. I know you have done online, but if you are gong to meet this person meet them as a FRIEND first.
If it feels right, remember that it is illegal for him to have sex with you. Older guys may want to do more in a relationship, so don't do anything if you feel pressured.
And definitely don't keep the relationship a secret. Bad things have a tendency to happen in those circumstances.
I hope I helped and didn't sound too preachy!
Vic
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Is the age gap too much? Not to me because age really shouldn't be that much of an issue. But there is the matter of expectations and you will need to deal with that if you do go out with him. At 19, he probably would be wanting or expecting some kind of sexual activity with a girl he went out with. Maybe not all the way, but he is unlikely to be happy for long with just holding hands. So that is a major issue you will have to deal with. I see nothing wrong with you going to the movies with him, dating him, but just don't let his age dominate how fast you move with him. Wait until you are ready and if he isn't willing to wait, then maybe things wont work out. Do not ever let him pressure you or feel like you should because otherwise "he will find a girl that will". That is a crap reason to decide to go all the way.
By the way, keep it simple sure but don't necessarily keep it a secret either. That rather implies there is more going on. If it is just going out and you are not doing anything wrong, there should be no reason to keep it a secret.
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