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It's long but i need help please!! : (
Almost exactly a year ago i made a BIG mistake. I was going through a depression and I felt horrible about myself, and my best friend's boyfriend was also one of my best friends. We talked all the time but before he started dating my best friend he liked me but I just didn't see him that way. Well while i was goign through my depression he was really there for me and he made me feel really good about myself. And somehow he managed to talk my way into having sex with him... while he was still with my best friend. Now i know that it sounds horrible but honestly i am NOT that type of girl i am like an awesome friend and i'd do anything for anyone because i'm just like that. After i did it i cried for like weeks. It took about 3 months until my best friend found out and she was crushed. This just through me into a deeper depression. But eventually she forgave me and now we will still talk and such but we are nothing like we use to be, and nor do i expect us to be. But the thing is is i still can't get over it, even though she forgave me its like i can't forgive myself. I drive myself crazy thinking about what a horrible thing i did and how horrible of a person i am. I honestly feel like shit everyday because it doesn't get out of my head, everytime i see her i think to myself how couldi have done that to her i am jsut a bitch. And like i just put myself down so much. I've only had sex with 2 guys in my whole life but i feel like a total slut. And i should i think. I'm starting to fall back into my depression and it is driving me crazy. I got over it for a few months but now its just all starting to bother me again. I don't know how to deal with it. Does anyone have any ideas on how i can rid myself of this uncontrollable guilt? i mean i know i should feel guilty but i honestly feel likei am driving myself crazy. Thanks so much
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Everyone makes mistakes..big and small! You have a really awesome friend by the way. I know this might sound selfish..but you've suffered enough..and nobody desserves to be in turmoil the way you are. Your extremely sorry for what you've done and you DESSERVE to feel better and release some of that guilt. I suggest going to a doctor. Its nothing to feel ashamed about...everyone goes through depression and the best way to get over it is to go to a doctor so he can prescribe something to you. Going to a doctor for depression does NOT mean your crazy or anythign like that so dont think it is!
Whats in the past is in the past and its time to live the present and think about the future. Your friend forgave you..now its time to forgive yourself :)
-melissa-
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Wow, that's really tough. Everybody makes mistakes. You're lucky your friend forgave you! Just keep apologizing to her and tell her how sorry you are. And what's done is done, you can't change the past. So I'd really try to forget about it.
I totally understand how you feel though, I hate that feeling of guilt in your gut. Do things to keep your mind off of it and talk to your friends BF about it. Find out how he feels. I know it seems hard, but I know you'll find a way tp get rid of it. Just keep apologizing and treat your friend like you always have. If she thinks you're confotable, she will too.
~MoRtY~
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First of all, you are lucky to have a great friend that does forgive you. Depression and guilt are like a couple of competitors..they like to see which one will hit you first. You need to start forgiving yourself like your friend has. Realize that even though you were wrong in the matter you also helped your friend from being with someone that would do that to her. I'm sure she thought about it that way. The only way you can be a true friend to her is to forgive yourself and live for the future to help her find someone good for her. And if you ever feel depressed again talk to your friends first. You'll find that they are understanding and they don't want to take advantage of the state your in. Be happy and positive and know your life is worth living and live it to the fullest. You will find happiness only when you are happy with yourself.
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It isn't your fault. You said it yourself that you were going through an episode of major depression. During that time, you are in a vulnerable state and it has been shown physiologically that judgements and advanced thoughts are affected toward the negative ( same mechanism why people in depression drink heavily, eat tons of food etc.). It isn't your fault because you weren't able to see through it, and I actually blame the guy b/c he took advantage of you in a depressive state (side note: a friend of mine hit on one of my female friends after her brother died- and now they're married- needless to say I'm not friends with them anymore).
You're not a slut by any stretch of the imagination. The best thing to do is to find someone to talk about your guilt, whether it be a counselor or your best friend about what had happened. You may be suffering from major depression too Criteria for depression that psychiatrists use ([Link](Mouse over link to see full location)). You need to talk to your doc and maybe he can get you started on an anti-depressant. (I know that sounds bad but all types of people are on them).
If you don't want to do this there is one thing that you can do by yourself that may help you- we tell a lot of people to do this in therapy.
Keep a thought diary. On the page make two columns. One column you write down the negative thoughts that you have. Afterwards in the other column, you write down why that thinking is not right. This way you'll be able to put your emotion into concrete terms and then be able to realize that you're not whatever that bad thought it was (It involves Beck's Theory on Depression- which you'll learn in college if you take psychology). Before you know it, you may think of a bad thought (guilt etc.) but instantly be able to think that is not the right way to think.
Hope that things go better. If you need anything, drop a line.
Yours,
Arun
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aww!! stop making yourself think you are a bad person, because you aren't. if you were, your friend wouldn't have forgiven you! and you are definately not a slut! now, i do believe it was totally wrong for you to have sex with your best friends boyfriend, but i know you totally didn't mean it. you were confused about your feelings and actions and you were going through depression. understand that that's all apart of growing up into an adult, and trust me you will probably make alot of mistakes on the way. everyone does! you aren't the only one who's done something like that, trust me. just tell your friend how guilty you feel and how you regret ever doing it and how it's effected your life. just know that true friends will always be there for you no matter what. this may be there for the rest of your life, but you learn to live life without thinking about it so often. just go on with your life and meet new people concentrate on school and your future. what you did to your friend is a mistake, and everyone makes mistake. take this as a lesson; learn from this mistake.
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I know it must be really hard to be in this postition and i know what depression is like! What i would do is i would call her and ask her if she wants to come over and sit her down and tell her exactly what you said in your story explain to her how sorry you are and how you really want to still be friends with her. I really really really hope it works out please keep me posted.
luv always, ~*Missy*~
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What you should do is write her a note and tell her how you feel. She did forgive you, but maybe she doesn't realize how bad you REALLY feel about it. The only way to get her trust again is to talk to her about it, and maybe do something nice for her. Also, for the depression, tell your parents, and go to the doctor and get a prescription. Good luck with everything.
Hope I helped!
♥ Erin
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If your best friend is able to forgive you then you should be able to forgive yourself. You shouldn;t feel completely horrible because he did talk to you into having sex with him it wasn't the other way around. All you can do is get over it by letting it go as much as possible. good luck!
♥ Katie
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