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Hi MFS
Ok, I am a 16 year old female, and I wanted to ask you this instead of asking it to the pool because I wanted to get a real, intelligent answer, instead of a bunch of stupid ones...
Ok, my mom got married a year ago, last November, and we had to move (i had to switch high schools, which i really didn't want to do).
So she married a guy with a 14 year old son and a 10 year old daughter, and let me tell you now, he thinks his kids are the most perfect kids in the world. Now i know every parent thinks that their kids are perfect, or at least wants to believe it, and yeah, his kids are great kids but not nearly perfect (who is?) but he spoils them to death!!! So anyway, we they got married i went to live with my dad (to finish out the school year at my high school, so i wouldn't have to switch in the middle of the year) and ron(step-dad) knew that in the summer, i would be coming back to live with him and my mom and step-siblings, he knew this and he said he was fine with it, he said we were going to find a house for all of us and we would all live together.
So we found a house and moving in during the summer. Things were going great. I mean, every family has problems but nothing you can't work through...and yes, his kids are very spoiled (more spoiled than most kids) and yes i am spoiled some-what but it has always been me and my mom and me mom isnt rich, so we were use to making sacrafices and couldn't afford the most expensive things, but we got by and we were fine. and him and his daughter have OCD, and ron knows lindsey(daughter, my step-sister) has this disorder but doesn't want to admit to it, and shes 10 and she thinks her obsession over everything is normal.
So i always did the dishes and me and my mom would do laundry and clean the house every other weekend and i would vaccum every week and dont get my wrong this was a big house which takes a lot of work.
Now ron always complains to my mom about me (and isn't mature enough to come talk to me about any of it...) he says im a bad example on lindsey (which i have no idea how i am or what i ever did) and he told my mom to either choose him or me....
he thinks that that is just an easy decision, he told my mom he didnt want to try and work it out with a conselor or anything. He doesnt realize that it has been me and my mom since i was 2, i have never had a real family under one roof...i have never had siblings, and lindsey is either with me or my mom (mostly me) all the time, he never spends time with her. and he never wants to make any sacrafices for me and my mom, he wants us to do everything. i do the dishes every day and clean and do chores and his kids dont do a damn thing!!! i take out the trash, dishes, laundry, and me and lindsey and chad(step-brother) share a bathroom and i always clean it. so when i found out that they were getting a divorce and that ron was saying shit about me and hates that i live here or that im even alive, i stopped doing everything around the house, he goes to my mom and yells at her because i stopped doing chores and my mom told him that his kids didnt do anything so i dont have to....
there is so much more i could talk about that he has done, but i dont want you to stop reading...
the thing is, he wont talk to me, i seriously cant remember the last thing we talked about...i tried talking to him , and its like he wont have it...
and like his mom and his sister knew the problem before my mom had to even say it...they knew that he thinks his kids are perfect and no one else is,
ron was never close to his dad, he hasnt seen him for 10 yrs, and he walked out on him and his sis and, so because he wasnt close to his father, he doesnt want anyone else to be, my grandfather and my mom were very close, our whole family is close and he died a few day after my mom got married and a few days before my moms b-day (it was also on thanksgiving day and that was one of our favorite holidays to spend together ) so there were a lot of reasons for her to be sad about it, so on the day they came back from their honeymoon, she had to go to the hospital and hour away right then and ron wouldnt let her, he said she needed to eat dinner with him first and all he kept talking about on the plane home was how they had to be at his moms on thankgiving (the next day, also the day my grandfather died) and all my mom kept saying was i have to go to the hospital because you could tell that he would go any minute and when she got back , ron would never let her grieve over him, and when she started to cry, he would get mad...
anyway, now you know what kind of guy he is like so i will ask my question now....
i want to write him a letter and give it to him when we move out, just telling him all the pain he caused me and my mom and just tell him all kinds of stuff, but do you think it would be a good idea, i just want to tell him he needs to be more reasonable and make sacrifices for people, like we did for him, i dont know if i should and if it would make it bad for my mom (because he might complainand stuff)
i know thats a lot of info for one question, but i also wanted to know, is there anyway i could make it easy for me and my mom for the rest of the time we have to live here (2 weeks) and how we can just make through...
anything you can tell me will help!!
thanks!
(i know i didnt cap. anything and there are a lot of mistakes sorry!)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I see no harm in writing him such a letter - but write it in an intelligent, calm manner. Make it sharp and to-the-point as to hopefully allow it to perhaps sink in and make him think. From what you've described, he is unable to think of anyone but himself and will continue down this path of blind disillusion so long as his arrogance goes unchecked. If you're certain you're leaving him and will never have to deal with him and his issues again, then by all means, let him have it. Lay bare to him his own destructive habits as you have for me here. Make it clear, make it real. I wish you and your mother luck in the future - I'm sure your mom will find someone far more deserving of her love.
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