I can't seen to find one great friend for myself. I really have no one to go to to laugh with and share my secrets with and most importantly, to dream with. Almost all of the people at my school don't seem to really want to hang out with me. Everyone that I've had up to this point has either gone away or betrayed me. It hurts. I consider a true friend to be someone that you would lay down your life for and they'd do the same for you any day and I used to have one like that, but he's gone now. What do I do?
Love,
Shana
EnchantedSage answered Thursday October 7 2004, 4:50 pm: When you said you consider "a friend to be someone that you would lay down your life for and they'd do the same for you" it made me smile, because I used to have the same attitude about friendship in my youth. Sadly, that way of of thinking brought me more disappointment from betrayals and heartbreak than I care to recall. I'm not saying that you won't ever have people to share this level of friendship with, but it is a very high standard to hold someone to and most people you interact with will not measure up to it.
This may sound harsh and even a little negative, but let me assure you that I have many close friends and I'm not trying to be melodramatic, however, through experience, I have found that ultimately, the best person to look out for you and your well being is you and you alone. While you can be willing to ACCEPT kind gestures and expressions of friendship from others greatfully, it's better to never EXPECT it as something you deserve or what you are owed. These expectations usually only serve to cause frustration as most people will let you down by acting in their own best interests regardless of how it affects you.
The good news is that eventually, you will find those few special people who, over time, will prove themselves to be the kind of friends that will have your back in most situations, who will drop everything to come to your aid and who genuinely want only good things for you. These are the friends to cherish and these are the friendships to sacrifice yourself for as they have been willing to do for you.
In the meantime, while you are waiting for these "true" friends to arrive in your life, focus on ways to find fulfillment internally. If you like to write, you can start journalling, or even more fun, dream journalling. If you are a reader, pick topics that interest you and make a commitment to find materials on those subjects to read about and expand your knowledge. There are tons of things you can do to work on your own self development. And as a bonus, spending time developing your internal self is likely to draw to you the kinds of people that you would be interested in developing friendships with.
The bottom line is that I admire your feelings of dedication toward friends; however, I believe it might be better for you to not expect so much from others. Then, you can be pleasantly surprised when someone returns your level of care and commitment but not bitterly disappointed when people don't measure up. Best of luck to you.
actres00 answered Thursday October 7 2004, 1:52 pm: that happens to me find my bff then she moves omg... so i go bak to my friends and i hang out with them and sooner or later u guys bcum the bestest friends eva!! X to the RaCh <3 [ actres00's advice column | Ask actres00 A Question ]
EMiLYELiZABETH answered Thursday October 7 2004, 1:42 pm: Hi Shana =)
I know what you mean. It seems like when I find a "good friend" something happens and we end up parting way, generally not on good terms. It's just not fair!
All I could offer is to know what you want and seek them out. You sound a lot like me, wanting someone to share things with and to have a good time with. I'm sure that there is someone at your school who'd love to hang out with you, you just need to find them =)
Good luck and drop me a line in my inbox to let me know how things go. Take care!
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