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Boyfriends and birthdays
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, living together for 3 of them. In this time, he has never celebrated my birthday unless I specifically told him where to take me. He initially told me his family didn’t celebrate birthdays but I found that to be false. Every year he has a new excuse, even when I make it clear that I’d like him to celebrate my birthday in some way—even if it is just a card. This year was the worst. He started a fight with me and then told me he had planned to take me to dinner except the fight ruined it. But he never even made reservations anywhere. I just can’t understand why he insists on hurting my feelings like this or how to make him understand how important it is to me to be treated special for one day a year. We have his daughter from a previous relationship (who I have helped raise since she was 2) every weekend so we do not get to be romantic very often. It seems silly to me to break up over this, but I can’t take his thoughtlessness anymore.
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Maybe your boyfriend has some problems coping with birthdays in general; i obviously don't know much about him, but maybe he didn't have family to love and care for him on his birthdays, so he doesn't think he needs to show any more or any less compassion on yours. I don't even know if he is intentionally hurting your feelings. You must be close if you've been living together for 3 years, so why don't you talk to him about it? tell him you're feeling down about your relationship, that you're wondering if he's ok, that you both need to take some time out of work to spend together. If you don't tell him, it's likely that he'll never know what's bothering you. Good luck.
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He may have a problem with holidays and birthdays. Sometimes people from dysfunctional families (especially alcoholic families) develop an issue with holidays and special occassions and start to hate them. I am making a lot of guesses here, but have known of this happening. And the fact that he started a fight on your birthday is a big signal.
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Can I honestly ask you, why is it so important that he celebrates your birthday? I have a husband who is like this. He won't just go out and buy flowers, (they cost to much, even though a carnation is like a $1.00) and always ask someone that knows me well what I want for Christmas or Birthday. That use to irrate me like you wouldn't believe. I finally really realized that if he was going to do it, he was going to do it on his own time. He will someday suprise me with a mother's day ring and a wedding set. I also had to stop and realize that I did the samething. I always asked him what he wanted. I stopped nagging (not that you are doing that) and started to show him. I listened for what he wanted and bought it. If I wanted something really bad, I wrote it down and gave it to him. Not expecting him to remember to grab it when he went shopping. Then I told my daughter "if dad asks, this is what I want" I now can say I get what I want and plus some!! I also realized birthdays and christmas gifts/dinners is not why I love him. Guys don't get that whole gift/dinner thing. Cut him a break and fight for the bigger issues. You will find that a lot of married woman have this problem!! :)
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Is he a good boyfriend otherwise? Does he treat you mean? Is he usually a good man and just doesnt get into the holiday or birthday thing? The answers to these questions are important.My husband is a wonderful man but he doesnt think much of birthdays and holidays. I was hurt at first but came to realize as we get older (im 33) that other things are crutial in a relationship. I celebrate my birthday and holidays like they are the biggest thing in the world. Ever since i started getting off of him to be someone hes not he started to enjoy the plans i made and it has made a world of difference. Your the only one who can decide if hes worth the compromise...
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