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Is it odd that I don't do these things? A load of my friends find it odd.
I'm an 18 year old girl from the UK- but I don't wear makeup or anything, I don't drink, I rarely ever wear dresses, and I don't do anything to my eyebrows either- so I kind of feel left out when conversations about makeup, fashion or partying comes up.
My friends find it really strange- they're like 'how can you be confident enough not to wear makeup?'- but it's nothing to do with confidence why I don't wear it, it's just something that's never appealed to me. I'm not a very confident person full stop, I'm very shy- so it annoys me when people confuse the two.
And they've also all, since becoming 18, transformed into massive extroverts who drink regularly- whilst they were previously very introverted like myself, and I don't know why they've suddenly changed. 18 is the legal drinking age in the United Kingdom, but they're too much of party animals for my liking these days- do you think I should stop hanging around with them? They often wonder how I can have fun at parties without drinking, and I just find that a sad mindset and am kind of sad to see that they've changed so much.
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If they have to ask how you can have fun at parties without drinking, does that not imply that in actuality these parties are simply not all that much fun to begin with?
Indeed, are any of these people even capable of functioning sexually while completely sober? When you think of it, their norms are pretty grim.
Is there anyone more interesting to hang out with, and indeed might care to make the acquaintance of a woman good looking enough to get by without makeup concealment?
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Hey young lady you are still young and have your youth don't change that by transforming yourself into something you son't feel comfortable about then don't do it. Don't drink leave that to the ones who want to. Drinking bring the body down and as you get older wearing makeup, you need it in the future. beauty is skin deep. don't change for anyone but yourself. If your friends can accept that then they are not your true friends. If wearing makeup and occasional drinking makes you feel good. Lady go for it.
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Unfortunately people do change with time. Not wearing makeup at all is not so strange, I have had friends who have never worn makeup and still don't (in their 30's) and they look wonderful! In fact I often wonder why makeup is such a big deal with confidence. So you meet someone wearing make up and confident and it goes really well... eventually they are going to see you without makeup and, if they like you for you, they won't care.
My cousin doesn't drink at all either and uses no social media so when we are all drinking he still has an amazing time, he doesn't miss out on it at all. Like yourself for who you are and don't inhibit yourself because of the way your friends have changed and questioning why you have not. But that is the question, are these party animal friends of yours full of confidence really who they actually are? Alcohol brings out inhibitions and this is what makes them so confidant about themselves. There was a time I did not drink at all (I didn't start until my mid-twenties) so it was always amusing to watch people intoxicated and the way they would act compared to when they were sober.
I won't say you should stop hanging around with them because that is honestly your call. But don't allow the way they think dictate who you are and what you might feel you need to be as well. Be yourself and ask them to accept that. If they can't then maybe it is time to cast a wider net and meet new people. Unfortunately as lovely as it is to feel you can have friends for a lifetime, people do change and we must change along with them and sometimes it means finding new friends. But as I said, this is entirely your call. And also, if they ask about the makeup thing again, simply state you don't need it because you already look awesome.
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I don’t think it’s odd at all. My sister is the same way. She didn’t have her first sip of alcohol until her 21st birthday, (I’m in the US) she doesn’t wear makeup or do her hair or even wear jewelry. All sorts of people have different interests. For instance, my dad wasn’t interested in girls very much as a teenager. And it’s nothing to do with being unattractive to females, (obviously, because I’m here), he just had other interests that occupied his mind. I’m not into social media; I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or any of those things, which EVERYONE thinks is odd, but I’m not interested. And because of that, I have lost contact with a few friends that used to be close, but people drift apart, especially after graduating high school. It happens. The good news is there are PLENTY of people like you with your current interests. But don’t ever think you’re a failure as a friend or a woman just because you don’t dress up or act a certain way. People change, people drift, and it’s probably not the first time it’ll happen in your lifetime. It’s happened to me numerous times and I’m about 10 years older than you. The point is, don’t stress. Be yourself.
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No hon, you are not odd for having no interest in those things. Lets start with makeup and I toss in any body look altering such as boob jobs, botox and such. It isn't something you do to the outside of you that gives a person confidence as they say. Rather it is working with the kind of thoughts a person has about themselves 24/7 that affect them, no matter how their hair makeup and nails look.So if their thinking, and emotions and feelings are not dealt with, no amount of what they do to the outside of themselves in going to help them. That would be a self esteem issue. Though sometimes self esteem and self confidence do work hand in hand. "Esteem" is derived from the Latin aestimare, meaning "to appraise, value, rate, weigh, estimate," and self-esteem is our cognitive(thoughts) and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth. So when a person doesn't feel good self esteem by changing what they wear or use makeup, it is often that drinking comes next. Maybe if I drink socially, people will like me better. But the real problem is not liking oneself to begin with so that does nothing to help. This is a downward spiral. People who lack confidence will drink a lot which helps to shed inhibitions so they are more able to do the things they should be doing while sober but can't so they drink initially for a social reason but keep doing it and drinking more due to lack of confidence and self esteem. Being normally quiet or an introvert, (i used to be one) is just a personality type of thing, not a bad thing, but they are grasping again for anything outside of themselves, instead of working on their own view of themselves. Somewhere along the line, these kinds of people assume if they were more outgoing, they'd be more popular and liked. So they drink a lot to become more open and outgoing only the drinking distorts that to becoming too loud and boisterous and also stupid acting and so on. Be glad you don't need that like they do. Not being a dress wearer is pretty much a personality thing. We all dress in ways that we feel expresses best who we are and what we like. I like feeling comfortable and that's a big priority and wearing pants is often more comfortable than wearing dresses or thinking a female has to get all dressed up and sexy to catch the eyes of men. Unfortunately, men who do respond only to this visually stimulation, are just looking for easy and free sex without commitment.
I have heard from a few guys who asked if I could explain why college girls were so into makeup and what they looked like when it all looked so fake and unappealing to them. One guy referred to females who do stuff to their eyebrows as having fat hairy caterpillars on their face. I know, I have a niece who does that and it does look like fat hairy caterpillars, so I laughed when I saw that description by a male. I dont fuss with my hair, just put it in a clip or ponytail if not hanging long and loose. the only treatment my hair gets is brushing and washing and conditioner. I dont even blow dry it, letting it dry naturally which gives me slight waves, whereas drying makes it straight. I am grand ma age, divorced first husband and happy with the second. So I dated later in life to find my second husband. I met all sorts of guys, those who turned out to like older women even if not older by much, women who were pretty but natural looking, confident and had self esteem. Young men will naturally have their attention go towards model types or try to date the girls who dress themselves up and wear make up and change how they look. But many of them change as they grow older and realize those women are fake and empty headed, drama queens that turn them off. A few realize this early on without ever being attracted to such women. I am a female who didn't have many female friends because they were like your friends. Even in church, women were always talking about chick flicks or their birthing experiences for the umpteenth time and I found no interest in belonging to talking to them. I have always made friends with men more easily and enjoyed talking to them than women. It doesnt mean I'm a tomgirl though that is not a bad thing. There will always be guys turned off by the fake looking and acting women and want a female who doesnt mind helping him work under the hood of his or her car, go fishing, the kind of stuff these fake females wouldn't dream of doing but these males want a female friend, companion and lover who has interest in real life experiences and its not about going to parties and so on. So try and find a few girls more like you. Direct any get togethers with a friend or two from your group by stating what the get together is, whether antique shop visiting, going on a bike ride, going to a museam. You choose, do the invite and work with one individual at a time rather than the whole group because when they're all to gether its more likely that they want to stop whatever it is, and go for drinks. Also, if theres no romantic attraction, males can make great friends too. YOU might try that.
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You really have to separate their behavior from whether or not they are decent friends despite it. If you have doubts about whether they are good friends or worth your time odds are you need to move forward if you no longer have anything in common. If they are good friends to you despite the behavior than you can look past that provided they check the boxes so to speak aside from when they go to parties.
There's nothing wrong with you at all. If you don't want to wear makeup, dresses or dress like everyone else that's fine. You don't have to. It's about what you feel comfortable with and not what anyone else does. For you this is what works. It has nothing to do with confidence either but more about what you like and what you don't and that's fine. You aren't out to satisfy others but rather yourself.
You're actually quite smart to realize that getting drunk all the time or stoned and partying constantly is not a good lifestyle. There are many people who don't drink at your age or older. They just don't do it nor talk about that choice. You don't have to justify it to them or anyone else.
There's a lot of great reasons not to drink or do drugs. The most important one is always being in control and able to make sound decisions and not to become dependent on it. A lot of people don't drink because addiction is common in their family or for religous reasons see Christian Scientists for example. Whatever your reason it'sa personal one and totally fine. Again you need not justify that choice to anyone. It's what works for you and that's all that matters.
You don't need to wear makeup, dress differently or drink to be accepted by anyone. If they don't accept you because of your choices than they aren't worth your time. Never compromise for other people. You can easily find other friends who accept you for who you are.
The fact of the matter is that these girls are still introverts and not seure in who they are or sure of themselves. They take to drinking, partying and whatever else because they feel it's the only way to fit in with people. Odds are they hate what they are doing and don't feel good inside.
If they raise this topic again with you point out that you don't have to do any of this stuff to feel good about yourself or have friends and that for you drinking, partying and wearing makeup just doesn't appeal to you. That's all their is to it.
You can meet people who like you for you and don't care if you drink or not just about anywhere. Try joining drama, student council or clubs at school and outside of it and look to those who aren't making friends easily as more often than not they're the best people to align with. Drama and improv in particular forces people who ordinarily have nothing in common to have to work together to problem solve. It would be very good for you.
You may not be religious nor have to be to attend church and join youth groups because the kids in them usually don't drink nor party like the people you mentioned do.
Even better you could volunteer at MADD and meet people who share your views on partying and alcohol there and make a difference while you are at it. While not an alcoholic or someone that has addiction try Al-Anon for teens and ask people who run it in your area about not fitting in with anyone because you don't drink and ask how do you meet and support people your age that feel the same way.
They may have ideas for meeting more wholesome people and helping others in process. It's worth a phone call and it's always anonymous. See what happens when you reach out to both organizations. Just be you and if anyone has an issue with that then they're not worth your time and effort.
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