Member Since: June 8, 2005
Answers: 19
Last Update: February 27, 2006
Visitors: 2403
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ok well first of im 13/f and everyone in my family is a drug addict, my mom, my dad and my brother(who is 21). right now everyone is clean except my brother, and i know im at a high risk of becoming a drug addict and im really scared. ive never taken anything except gotten drunk about 3 times. this is really hard to cope with. ive cut a couple times and my friends dont really help a lot. my dads been in and out of jail and in and out of rehab. and theres a lot of other things that i dont feel like going in to detail. but i dont know how to deal with this so my question is, is there anything i could do to cope with this better(ive already been to a shrink and it was no help) like is there any websites or anything and not al-anon(not sure if thats it) cause thats just people with familys who drink.. well thanks for any help in advance. (link)
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Sounds like you've got a lot going on! I bet you're a lot stronger inside than you realize. That's quite a load for anyone to deal with! Be proud that you haven't dabbled in the drugs yourself. That is frickin awesome! One thing though... the alcohol can lead to all that, so don't let yourself get sucked into it that way. Alcohol might not seem like a drug, but it can be highly addictive and one thing just leads to another. So... what can help you cope with all this?
The advice and support of others can go along way in helping you deal with this... support from people that have been there, done that... young and old alike. Friends don't always understand or know how to help, and some people, such as yourself, aren't comfortable sitting in an office with a psychiatrist spilling your innermost thoughts. There's a lot message boards out there on the web that are filled with people that understand and can help support you, having been through these things themselves. I did a Google search and found a site that might help: http://www.teenlineonline.org. Looks like they hotlines, message boards, etc etc. Give it a try... see if this might be a good place to start. Maybe you'll find some good advice and support here.
Hang in there, ok? Don't give into any of the pressures of alcohol, drugs, etc. Try to enjoy life as best you can, be strong and positive, and you'll be ok. You can do it!!
Peace to you!
G.
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hey im 15/f. I was wondering if any of you have any advice on how to get like confidents, and be like more "aggressive" maybe is the word. But like im a cheerleader and i know cheerleaders are suppose to be bitchy but im not... like people will cut me in the lunch line and i wont say anything about it ill just keep quiet. I need confidence, and courage... Im not sure how to word it but i just need to be like more confident and learn how to speak my mind! Like in a group or something ya i talk a lot.. but with other things im just quiet. Im not a shy person either my friends say that im outgoing and loud.. so is there anything that can help with this? Or say another example is if people talk about me, ill just be like oh okay its okay or something cuz i dont wanna fight with them. But i need to learn how to stop saying that everythign is okay. Please help! ill rate high (link)
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First of all, cheers to YOU for not being bitchy or ripping on people who cut in line or getting into a fight over what someone else says. That doesn't mean you're a wimp or afraid to stick up for yourself. It may not seem like it now, but some of that stuff is just not worth the hassle of getting all upset about. The best kind of confidence is a quiet confidence where you don't have to resort to using that kind of cruddy behavior to respond to cruddy behavior, ya know? That doesn't mean you can't speak your mind about things, though. And it doesn't mean that everything has to be ok.
So, what to do? Humor is sometimes a good way to get your point across without making the situation worse. Say someone cuts in front you in the lunch line... how about saying something like "Hey.. easy there, Skippy. There's plenty of puppy chow for all of us little doggies". (Ok, bad example, but you know what I mean). If people are saying mean things about you, it really doesn't work to say mean things back. It'll just keep going on and on. Either ignore it entirely, or joke with it. If someone calls you stupid, tell them you blame it on the school system. If they say you're ugly, tell them it's a natural defense mechanism to keep the morons away. If they say you're stuck up, tell them that it's just hard to have so many people worshipping you and still try to bless them all with your presence. And keep smiling the whole time :) Your confidence will come from not letting these things get to you!
I guess the whole point is to ignore the things that are just a waste of time, use humor to diffuse the stressful situations, and for anything else, remember to express your ideas and opinions whether they are accepted or not. They are yours, and you should be proud for having them!
Hope that helped a bit!
G.
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What is the name of the Van Halen song in the "Darth Vader scene in the first Back to the Future film? (link)
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Just a footnote to younggrandma's awesome research... you might want to give a listen to "Eruption" by Van Halen (it's on their self-titled album). I think you'll find it much like whatever is in Back to the Future. It's a face melter!
Enjoy!
G.
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its a stupid symantec thing..its like Your computer is at risk in the following areas: -Firewall protection is turned off. Even thought its not..and u can click okay, it will go away fur a sec, then pop up again. its really annoying, and i know its a virus...but like, ive ran 3 virus scans, and it still hasnt gone away, so if you could help me, id love you furever. (link)
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I could be way off here, but the message sounds like the one you get from the "Windows Security Center" in Windows XP.
If you have Windows XP, try this: Click on Start - Then click on Control Panel. Find the icon for "Security Center" and double click on it.
You should see a section under Firewall. If it is OFF, then this could be where this message is coming from. If it is indeed OFF, then you need to know if you have some other firewall installed on your pc, because you don't really want to hang out on the internet without one. If you are certain you have a different "firewall" installed, you can click on the button named "recommendations" under the firewall section. In there, there is a check box that says "I have a firewall program that I will monitor myself" (or something like that). Clicking this will stop the messages from popping up. If you DONT have another firewall installed, click on the recommendations button and choose the option to activate your Windows firewall. This too will stop the messages.
Hope that helps. Not sure if this is really what is going on, but if you're on Windows XP.. it's definitely something to check.
Good luck!
G.
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recently, ive been cutting. i cut because i have so much emotional pain, it relieves me when i cut. it makes me forget all about my emotional pain because i focus on the physical pain. well, just this morning, i found myself thinking of suicide. this afternoon during health class too. We were talking about cutting in health class today and i just wanted to die. i was so uncomfortable. only 2 people knew about me cutting in my health class besides me but i still wanted to die. I dont have a boyfriend. I dont think im pretty enough to. My life is fucked up. no one cares about me. my parents are never home and when they are, they just yell at me. They always fight too. But the thing is, i wouldnt trade my life for anybody elses. its the way that i know life. I wouldnt trade it. and im serious. I wore a belly shirt to school a few days ago. Bad choice. some people saw my cut i made on my stomach and they said stuff to me. No one understands me. They think that i have the ideal life and they even tell me that. i dont. every one thinks i am perfect (or have to be) becuase my dad is a pastor of a small hick church... which i hate. I dont believe that shit. w/e. i wanted to stop cutting until today. i did it again today. its just a bad habit. any suggestions? anything anyone wants to say to me?? yes i have contemplated suicide. several times. (link)
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Tough being a pastor's kid, I know. My dad was a pastor of a small hick church too. (Seriously! There were actually 2 churches in rural North Dakota where I grew up, so it doesn't get a whole lot hicker than that). I thought it was funny, because a classmate of mine cussed near me once, and apologized to ME...(apparently thought I might put a bad word into God about him if he didn't apologize...ha!). I should have said "Goddam it boy, you keep up with that shit and you're going to hell". LOL. Anyway, you're right...it's common for others to think this way or that because of being a pastor's kid. (Just thought I'd share that with you to help you smile. Sounds like you could use one!)
So.. where is the emotional pain coming from? Home life? School stuff? All of the above? Sucks that your parents aren't really there for you, but I'm sure they care. I'm guessing they are probably so busy and stressed that they don't see how that is affecting you. I think the trick here is finding the source of all that emotional pain, and thinking of some alternative ways to deal with it. If the pain is coming from home life, tell your parents you need to tell them how you're feeling when they yell at you and fight all the time! (Write them a note if you're not comfortable talking to them). You say you've considered suicide. I say... don't let all this crap win by letting it take you to that point. You wouldn't trade your life anyone elses right? So, let's not trade it for death either! Deal? There's at least 47 different ways to deal with any one problem. (Why 47? I don't know. I just made that up. It sounds about right though, give or take...). Try to identify the source of your emotional pain, and then post more questions here to get ideas of how to handle that without having to cut or worse! Anyone that responds... cares. Anyone that has something nice to says... is concerned. Draw upon that for strength. Not every situation will stay the same as it is today... your life is constantly evolving and changing. Things suck now, but I bet they will get better if you commit to working towards that! Doesn't mean changing who you are or what made you the person you are today.. it's acknowledging that you are a unique and valuable person, and you deserve to have your life be how you want it to be... free from affect of the things that bother you the most.
As other people have mentioned, there are some ways to help focus that pain without breakin the skin. Watch 4 straight hours of TV evangelists... that will hurt far more than any cut. (heehee). Some have already been mentioned... the rubber band snap, the ice cube squeeze, carry a toothpick with you and poke it in between your fingers (not hard enough to break the skin... just so it hurts). These are just to get you away from the cutting for now, with the next step being to focus on the emotional pain things and start to work those out.
One more quick thing... a boyfriend who likes you for looks only, is shallow and you don't need that. A guy that likes you for YOU is worth waiting for. And he will come around... guarantee it. Be yourself, regardless of how people think you should or shouldn't act.
Now... set this all aside for awhile and go do something you really enjoy. Read a book, watch a good movie, listen to some tunes, have some Doritos and a Snickers bar! If you feel like cutting, turn on the TV and watch the President give his State of the Union address instead. (OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!....
Peace and all the best to you!
G.
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I have a fake ficus tree that is really dusty. Is there a good way to clean it without haveing to wipe down each individual leaf? (link)
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If you're a little bit insane like me, you'll pick the thing up, carry it into the bathroom, flip on the shower, stick the leaves in there and twirl it around and give it a good rinse. Kill the water... shake it like crazy until it screams "Leave" me alone (ha). When you put it back, you may have to do some readjusting of the leaves and branches but it does brighten it right up. I've done this several times. Hey... even fake plants like a good watering now and then :)
(Have some extra towels handy. Tree showers can leave a bit of a mess)
G.
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I have no idea what to do my moms birthday is coming up and she loves and collects Presious Moments and i really wanted to get her a nice present for her birthday and the presious moment i wanted to get her was 45$ and it was beautiful And like i am really broke rite now and i am young and thats a nice gift when you are as young as i am but i was like what ever my moms worth it so i told her that i found a birth day prsent for her and i was going to go back to the mall to buy it for her and she was bugging me to tell her what it was and i said no and today My Mom took me+my friend to the mall and My friend and me went to Hollister and i didnt know but she went to this store that she likes and spent $80 on Jeans and a shirt and she was like well you can give me these jeans for my birthday and i was like i already figured out what i wanted to buy you for your birhtday and ahe was like you should give me the money because that the pants are more practical and that made me mad that she bought that because we are kinda like in a bad situation with money and she asked me to buy her that and like it got me mad because she didnt even ask me first ahe bought them and just excpectedd i would give her the money you kno and then we got into this huge argument about about that i was a spoiled brat and what ever! and she told me to take the money and shove it up my ass so what should i not give her anything or should i do should i give her the money for the pants or should i buy her the presious moment? i would tell her i was sorry but i am not so i cant give an aplogy and less its sincere becaus i didnt do anything wrong!
Please help me
please help me (link)
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So.. if I understand correctly: She spent the money on the jeans and shirt, and wanted you to give her the money you were going to spend on her present? Then an argument followed and she told you to take your money and shove it up you ass? Hmmm. That's not right.
You intended on buying her a Precious Moments. Buy her the precious moments. Don't even mention the whole mall incident again. The fact that you came up with the idea on your own is the precious part. I hope she realizes that. Give her the gift as if the whole incident never happened.
G.
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Please do not delete Im honestly 100% want to know this.
Do you believe in Aliens?
Life on other planets, Aliens.
Thank you.
(link)
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Sure! But not necessarily in a "ooo..eek.. there's a scary green man with big eyes and antennas coming at me from that flying saucer with his ray gun to steal my brain" sort of way.
Think about how tiny we are compared to the size of the earth. Think of how tiny the earth is compared to Jupiter. Think of how tiny Jupiter is compared to the sun. Think of how tiny the sun is compared to the galaxy. Look at all the stars in the sky! The universe is HUGE.. and the distances between things are unthinkable!
As tiny as we are, we would have to be pretty arrogant to think that we are the only intelligent (and I use that term loosely) life forms in the entire universe! Sure... there's life out there somewhere. There has to be! Might even be some just like us! Might even be some that we would be a pretty tasty snack for! (just kidding).
G.
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I know this is kind of stupid, but here it goes anyways.
I'm deathly afriad of shots! and i have to get one for high school in April or around then porbably sooner.
I'm terrified and i don't know how to get over this fear. I'll probably start to cry at the office.
Please help
5 unless your mean
thanks!
shot scaredy (link)
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You know what the worst part about getting a shot is? Worrying about it. That's it! Shots themselves are really not that bad! They don't hurt nearly like you might think they do. The needles are so thin and small these days. Accidentally poking yourself with a pin hurts worse than a shot. Try this.. pinch yourself fairly hard in the fleshy part of your shoulder. Ouch, right? A shot is probably going to hurt much less than that. Plus, it goes so quick! It's like ... Hi, how are you today? Ok, you're all done now.
Here's a few pointers (oops, sorry... didn't mean to say pointer). Things to help with your fear...
- If you're really afraid of needles, find yourself a small sewing needle. (DON'T POKE YOURSELF). Just hold it, get used to it, hold it up to your arm (CAREFULLY.. DON'T POKE YOURSELF). As you get used to the idea of a needle and having it by your skin, it might not be so scary when you get there. And like I said before, the needle they use is going to be much thinner than a sewing needle!
- Don't be afraid to tell the Doctor/Nurse that you are extremely afraid of shots. (A lot of people are). If it were me, I'd have some good music and headphones with, and listen to it while you're waiting (and if they let you, while you get the shot). Focus on the music and ignore what's going on around you. If you cry, no big deal! Who cares!
- Breathe deeply and slowly... this will relax you. Do not tense up the muscle in your arm... keep it as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed you are, the less you'll feel it (and you won't be so afraid)
- Chew gum! Put a big ole wad of Bubblicious in there and chew the snot out of it. It's a great tension reliever.
- Keep talking to the nurse or parent or whoever. If you stay quiet, the more time your mind has to try to freak you out. If you stay in the conversation, you don't let your thoughts get the best of you.
- Hold your breath and when you get the shot, yell out "BANG". Tell the nurse you were a nice balloon until you came in today and got popped. Or better yet, just say "pssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...." like there's a slow leak in you. (This is not real advice, just something to make you laugh and relax more about this).
You'll be ok. It really goes so fast. Just remember, if you can get through the worrying ahead of time, and keep yourself distracted from those thoughts that scare you, the shot itself is a piece of cake. And when you're all done, have your Mom buy you a Ferrari for being such a good patient. :)
Keep smiling.. breathe deeply and slowly! You'll be ok!!
G.
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my friends birthday is coming up and i know he really wants this one shirt but i cant seem to find it anywhere . .the shirt says i ride the short bus or my mommy says im speacial cause i ride the short bus. do you know any stores or websites that carry this shirt.
Thanks in advance! (link)
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Go here...
http://store.northshoreshirts.com/irishbust.html
or here...
http://www.prankplace.com/tshirts_newBUS.htm
or here...
http://www.t-shirts.com/printed/default.asp?sid=178932465610&cmd=detail&type=E&id=26005&store_id=-2
Just a few places to start for you!
G.
(got kicked off the short bus)
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lately ive been feeling really, well fed up with school, im only in the 7th grade, but i already feel like ive had too much. karma; today in school we had to write an essay about reasons not to drop out of school. but for some reason i didnt believe any word that i wrote. i jujst hate going to school, it kind of depresses me. I feel like i have no real friends, and every day this year ive just been wanting to get home so badly, and staying home for no reason at all. and ive been doing terribly in most all of my classes. i hate what i am actually. im not really that social, i prefer being alone, and seeing other people being social depresses me more. and its weird, but i feel like im friendlier with people who aret my friends. And im always nervous about what to wear, i feel like im trying to impress people, when i know that no one cares. I dont make friends easily, and i feel like all of my friends are making new friends, no one calls anymore. id rather be with my family than my 'friends'. i just dont know whats the matter with me. Depression? i dont know. its scaring me, because ive never been like this before. i just want to feel good again.
Help me figure out whats wrong and maybe what i could do about it? please and thak you < 33 xx
-fed up (link)
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You just described my son exactly last year when he was in 7th grade. Exactly! So much that it's kind of freaky and I just had to respond. 7th grade is a totally weird time. Everything is changing! This is a prime time when kids are trying to figure out who they are, where they fit in, who their friends are, what kind of person they want to be so they will feel unique, valued, and accepted by their classmates. Unfortunately, in doing so, a lot of kids will morph between personalities in the process... changing friends, values, clothes as they try to figure it out. People who you think are friends, may turn and disappear in favor of being part of the in-crowd... whoever that may be (usually wherever the attention is). Not only that, but school changes as well. The work gets harder as they try to prepare you for high school and beyond. It's no wonder it all becomes overwhelming and a person just gets sick of dealing with it.
Sounds like this whole issue of friends (and making new ones) is difficult for you. You're not weird or anything... it's very common. It bothers you that your friends don't call and are out there making other friends, I know. My son experienced the same thing. His friends were there one day, and "ditching him" the next. He got to the point too where he was fed up and spent a lot of time at home as well. He would also say he doesn't have any friends, but that everyone else does.
My advice to him then, and to you now, is that he should just be himself and be proud of who he is. Don't try to make a whole bunch of changes to try to impress people. It'll drive you nuts! You don't need that right now. You'll make the biggest impression by being unique and rock solid in who you are and what you stand for. Understand that this is an odd time for everyone as they are growing up and changing, and that you're not strange for feeling as you do. To me, it says that
you are special in not wanting to get all caught up in the drama of being the popular one. That's a good thing. I know it still sucks in the meantime. Continue to be as friendly as you can to everyone (friends or not), not for the sole purpose of "making friends" and being social, but simply because that is who you are. Spending time with family is good too (if you have a family you enjoy)... it can keep you grounded and help you stay close to your roots.. the things that made you the individual you are today. As much as possible, try to stay involved with things at school. You don't have to be the popular, social one... but keep yourself out there so people can see the real you, ya know?
Going into 8th grade, I bet you'll see that you'll get along with a lot more people than you ever did in 7th grade. (This is how things came around for my son all on their own) You'll have many more people who you will call your friends and hang out with. They might not necessarily be close friends that you always do stuff with, but you'll still hang out during school things and you'll feel much more accepted and happy with your life. Kids start to mature a little more and aren't so caught up in all this change in 7th grade. As you go into high school, it will get even better. Honest!
If it gets to the point where it really brings you down, tell your parents. Tell your school counselor. It's a rough time, and a lot of kids out there are going through the same thing... and sometimes just need to talk it out with someone. Try not to let the whole friend / social thing bother you right now. This will improve with time for sure, and if you just continue to be yourself, , you'll see that this will go a long ways for you. Use this time to focus on the things you enjoy... hobbies, family, school stuff. Don't worry about your grades, just do the best you can right now! I know it's hard to focus on schoolwork with all the other stuff going on. Spending time alone is not always a bad thing either. It's a great time to chill and think through things... sort stuff out.
Hang in there, ok? It does get better, I guarantee it... but remember not to be afraid to get some additional help if you really feel depressed and withdrawn from it all. It can be a lot to deal with, and there's no shame in getting some assistance. Start with your parents or a school counselor, and don't hesitate to lay out your feelings as you've done here!
Ok? Rock on! You'll be ok... just keep pushing through, and I'll bet you that next year will be a whole lot better! (As far as what to wear.. wear whatever is most comfortable! Fashion can be so overrated. Be unique and comfy! Jeans and t-shirt. There. Wardrobe complete.)
Keep smiling!
G.
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theres a up coming tour called taste of chaos its kinda like warped tour but smaller..i really wanted to go and everything but i dont think mysparents will let me.i wanted to go with my friendand her parents let her go and they said as long as she finds a ride and someone to go with her..(its a hour away) but i really really want to go.can anyone give me something to work with and try and convince them to let me go?
p.s. my dad doesnt even let me go to the mall alone with my friends..ughh this is going to be hard (link)
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Glad you asked! I'm all over this one, as I'm pretty passionate about music.. AND, I'm a parent. I took my son to his first Warped Tour several years ago (I think he was about 14 then too). I admit I had some reservations and some pre-conceived notions, as I wasn't too familir with the whole punk, emo, screamo, etc scene. I imagined (like probably a lot parents) a sea of kids completely out of control, people getting hurt, total madness. I walked out of the warped tour with a whole different perspective. Sure, there were kids dressed to the hilt that could be viewed as "scary" by some, but I was completely blown away by how "normal" these kids were, and how they were kind and caring (helping people out if they fell down while dancing, etc.), not out of control, and just all together having a very good time! I didn't notice anyone that appeared to be drunk or messed up on drugs... nothing like that. No one getting in fights or being mean to others that I saw. I've been to several warped tours since, and they were all the same... just a lot of kids really enjoying that time to cut loose a bit and enjoy the music. More recently, I just go along to give him a ride and drop him off. I'm completely comfortable with how these things are handled, the security they have, etc. I did take him to the Taste of Chaos show as well. He was down on the floor having a blast getting bounced around in the pit. I was up in the bleachers just hanging out. Same thing there... nothing bad at all that I noticed. Of course, I suppose it depends on what part of the country you live in. Here in the midwest, things are generally a bit tamer.
Obviously your parents care a lot about you and your safety, so don't fault them for that. There's a lot of messed up stuff in the world, and your age is a vunerable one. Do not ever make the mistake of getting involved with drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. Ask your parents to start trusting you and work to keep building that. Don't ever do anything to break their trust... it's so hard to get it back. Always be straight with them and don't ever lie. Ask them to take you to this show so they can experience first hand what it's all about. It may help them trust you more for future shows. (Tell them to pick up some ear plugs... screamo can be quite traumatic for us parent types! ). The music is going to be quite different than anything they may be used to, so prepare them for that. And if you do go, just hang out on the fringes of the crowd or in the back. You can have just as much fun there, as it can get sort of wild up front. Tell them to expect some F-words coming from the bands, because hey.. it happens. They are just words and it doesn't mean that you'll become rebellious and start throwing them around yourself.
I'll admit too that I gained a new appreciation for some of this music as well. Not so much the really hard core stuff, but there's a lot of it I do like now!
Now, on a side note. My wife has been to some outdoor country music festivals. I can safely say that the people (mainly the adults!) are 10 times more out of control than the vast majority of kids at these shows. I'd pick a warped tour (or Taste of Chaos show) over this crowd any day!
Feel free to share this with you parents, and remember to be cool and build their trust. Good luck and if you get to go.. Rock on! Have a great time and be careful!!
G.
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Hey all
I have a problem with my car recently. I have trouble starting my car the past few days, but my alternator was just changed 2 years ago. My battery is less than 4 years old, and my dashboard warning light is not on. Today after work, suddenly the Engine RPM went extremely low and the engine sounded like it was struggling to keep going. It was the first time this kinda of situation happened before.
Anyone can help here?
Thanks (link)
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I'm no auto mechanic but I play one on TV. (Just kidding on the TV part). Could be a number a things. One easy thing I would first check is the air filter. If you haven't changed that in awhile, chances are it's all plugged up with dirt. This could cause some hard starting and rough idling if not enough air is getting to the fuel. Speaking of fuel, the fuel filter itself could be plugged and may need replacing. Lack of fuel going through would also cause hard starting and rough idling. The fuel itself could be bad (might have some water in it). Did this just start happening after a trip to the gas station? Other than that, could be a lot of different things.... bad spark plug(s)... the timing is off... any number of things in the ignition system.
Check that air filter first. Other than that, a quick trip to a mechanic so they can run a diagnostic test on it to pinpoint the problem. I don't think it sounds like anything major at this point!
Good luck!
G.
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my friend's boyfriend has been harassing me since last year. He keeps doing things to my locker such as smashing a banana on it, putting tape all over, writing all over it, leaving long notes, putting signs with names such as boob girl or b***h etc. He would also spread all these rumors about me and call me all of these names. when my friend tells him to stop he refuses and he said that he wants to hurt me. she wants to protect her boyfriend from being suspended and she is trying to stop me from telling the GLC. He has been doing the same things to other people but they are too afraid of him to speak up. I really want to tell the GLC and take action but would I be doing the right thing by doing that even if I probably won't be friends with her anymore? also, I know that the GLC won't believe me since I don't have enough evidence to prove what he is doing to me. what should I do in this situation? (link)
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No one has a right to be bully, and especially making threats of violence. You need to tell the GLC. Remember this, though: when you go in, you can do so without the knowledge of your friend or this guy. Tell them you are telling them this in strict confidence. Making them aware of the situation, will prompt them to alert others to watch this guy. You don't need evidence to do this. If he is doing things to others, and leaving "visible" clues such as the banana, or signs, then it's much easier for them to bring this guy in and say.. "there have been several people that have noticed these things" and bust him on it. No one has to know it was you or any other of his victims. For all he knows, it could have been some adult that witnessed what he was doing.
Sure, if he's busted, it might be assumed you had something to do with it. Whether you admit to that or not is up to you, but you could just tell him the more crap he pulls, the more chance someone is going to notice and nail him on it. He's creating his own consequences.
Good luck and go report this crap. Don't let this guy bring you down!
G.
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I'm a 21 year old Female and I have a very big issue with my weight. This issue is affecting my happiness and love life. My question is how can I NOT let this affect me? (link)
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The issue of weight can be a heavy burden! (sorry... bad puns just sneak out of nowhere with me, I swear!). First off, if you decide that you want to do something about your weight... you must do it for your own reasons and because you WANT to, not because people think you have to or tell you to. Successful weight loss can only happen if you make that decision on your own and do it for yourself, not for anyone else. And don't let appearance be your motivating force... health and energy and just overall feeling good are the major benefits, and confidence in your body image will follow.
Now, if you're totally comfortable with your weight where it is, the question is how not to let this affect you? Remember, your body is not YOU... YOU are YOU. Don't let your personality become buried in there. If you love to laugh, do it often. If you are kind to people, continue to be with no reservations. If you have great ideas, let them flow out. If you have a skill or passion, pursue it whole heartedly. As far as love life... you want someone to love you for you... not for your appearance only. Bodies change; souls do not.
You can always commit to improving your body, but your real confidence will come from knowing that you are a unique individual with a personality unlike anyone else. Take that and run with it... becoming confident in yourself as who you are is the first step... everything else will follow along however you want it to!
Best of luck to you!
G.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE FOR ANSWERING THIS AND I AM SORRY IF IT IS LONG BUT I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS.
So i have a really good friend and he has been talking about suicide all this week and he is really starting to scare me. I talk to him about how much i care about him etc. but still he said i dont think ill kill myself just now. but later i dont know. IM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND! and try to have some other answer besides tell someone because i know that and i am considering it. So please any other good ideas.. ILL RATE 5'S FOR ALL SERIOUS ANSWERS
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Yikes... ok. First off, prepare yourself to make a call to 911 immediately if there's any hint whatsoever that he will go through with this. Suicide threats are nothing to take lightly. Second, (and you're already considering this) is to tell someone... a parent, teacher, school counselor what's going on. Not only will they seek to get help for your friend, but some support for you in dealing with this would be welcome too. Now...with that said...
Good news is that he seems to have put his thoughts on hold for a bit. This is a good sign. Use this time to listen to him, find out what has brought him to this point. He may not need, or even want, you to solve anything for him. Often, just a caring ear goes much farther than trying to offer advice. Reassure him that he's not "weird" for feeling this way, or that it's stupid or anything like that. Help him understand that there are many ways to deal with things other than suicide. Ask him if he'd be willing to talk to someone about this with you. He might not be willing to see someone on his own at this point, but having you there might help get some of this out in the open without putting that initial burden on him. Try to get him to make a pact with you ... that if he is really planning to do something, that he doesn't do a thing without talking to you first (if he ever gets to this point, have that phone handy to call for help immediately!). Use some gentle humor to coax him away from these thoughts and towards getting some help... like.. tell him you're going to chain yourself to his leg so he doesn't do anything. (Not in a kinky, weirdo way or anything) Or, that if he kills himself, then all of his underwear will go to Goodwill and will eventually end up being worn by old men that smell like Ben Gay and he'll never be able to rest in peace knowing his underwear are running around town in the pants of strange men. (At this point, he'll realize you're crazier than he is, and try to get YOU help). Just kidding :) Tell him that if he kills himself, you'll kick his ass! (It's a caring sort of humor... which might help lighten his mood a bit and help him let down his defenses and be willing to get help)
Seriously, just get him talking. Listen and support him. Don't be afraid to ask questions.. help him clarify his thoughts not only to you, but to himself. He might even work some of this out on his own if he can talk through it. Encourage him to get some help from a professional who knows all about this and understands. Ain't no shame in this at all! It's the smart thing to do! Take the initiative to get him some help if he doesn't himself. Just continue to be his friend!
Hope some of that helps! I wish you and your friend the best. Hang in there!
G.
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Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me
i know this is from a song but what does the last line mean? (link)
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I think it means both of your hearts have Timex watches they just got at Walmart, and they call each other up with their (red blood) cell phones (arr arr)and synchronize their watches just like secret agents do when they have to carry out their missions at the exact same time.
Or not...
Actually, if your heart is keeping time with someone, I think that simply would mean that your hearts have the same intentions, you're on the same wavelength, you get along well together, you were meant to be, your souls are in unison. There are other songs out there with lines like "two hearts...beating together", that sort of thing. It's a good thing!
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Ok, I have this problem, I am WAY TOO NICE to my family. I give them advice, (after all, I do have an advice coulumn here)I'm supportive of them, and all they do is take advantage of me, then they ditch me. For example, my cousin has a weight issue, and I help her, and even doctors say my advice was good. She agrees, at the doctors office. She totally ignores me outside of it. When I bring it up she's always like "I have better things to do then talk to you" and on the phone I constantly have to call her name because she doesn't listen to me, and that's just 1 example. They ridicule me one minute, ditch me another minute, then ask me for advice like they are my best friend. What do I do? I turned to masturbation and porno as a getaway- masturbating while watching porno, but more masturbation then porno. Worst thing is that I'm a strong Christian, and their semi athiest ways are rubbing off on me.Help me! And don't tell me to talk to them and stuff, because I've done this in a civilized manner 1000 times, and everyone in my family is stubborn because they think I'm lying all the time because I'm the youngest,and I should suck it up and forget what they say. Help me plz, srry that its so long though. (link)
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Question for you: When you offer your family advice and support, deep down... are you doing so in hopes of receiving a little bit of acknowledgement and gratitude? Perhaps a few kind words and a thank you? Maybe it'd be nice for them to support and treat you the same once once in awhile,huh? Perhaps just a little respect? If so, that would be completely understandable. It's very typical for people that truly want to help and support others to have an underlying need to get a little something back from that. (I'm sure that happens here on this website too. It feels good to receive nice feedback) Only a truly selfless person is able to offer themselves 100% with no expectation of acknowledgment or thanks or anything, and continue to keep giving with nothing in return. (You say you're a strong Christian - think of Jesus as an example of that). Well, you're human (you are, right? you didn't say anything about being from another planet). Anyway... you're human and it's natural to be upset about the responses you're getting. I'd recommend some dog training for your family. (You just went 'what???', didn't you?). Here's what I mean: Dogs respond favorably when they are rewarded for good behavior, while you discourage (but not punished) for bad behavior. People aren't all that different. If you "reward" them for good behavior, they'll eventually "learn" that this is the type of interaction you need from them. Next time they do or say something nice, tell them so. Say... "Hey, thanks. You know, that was really nice and I appreciate it. You're really nice when you're not being a butthead ". It'll make them feel good about what they did, and teach them this is good interaction. If they do something bad, don't give them any more feedback than a look of disappointment and walk away. But don't hold a grudge. When you've calmed down, just try to let it go and start again. Help them understand without actually trying to talk to them about it. You can tell a dog to roll over a thousand times and he'll just look at you like "woof?". Only when you start popping a milk bone in his mouth when he does do it, will he really begin to understand. Encourage the good interaction and disconnect yourself from the bad. One thing about advice, too - Offer only when asked, and don't overdo. Never give people more advice and support than they can handle, or it might be seen as "telling them what to do". Whether they take your advice or not is really up to them. Just be happy for offering it. Don't worry about the masturbation and porno - it sounds like a necessary escape for you, and you aren't harming yourself or others and God won't send you to hell for it. It's a much better escape than turning to drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc etc. One important thing - you have to make sure you take care of yourself before you can give of yourself to others. That might sound selfish, but it's really not. If you don't have the strength to keep yourself up, how can you hold another person up? Make sense? Good.. I'll shut up now. Good luck and take care!
G.
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does anyone know the zip code for laguna beach california? (link)
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Here's what you do... Go to Laguna beach, and check in people's mailboxes. If that doesn't work, go here:
http://zip4.usps.com/zip4/citytown_zip.jsp
I put in Laguna Beach, California and it came up with a bunch of them. Too many to choose from...
Do this. Go to some map website like www.mapquest.com. Punch in the address in Laguna Beach, but leave out the zip code. See if it pulls back the zip for the address you enter.
Good luck!
G.
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