Member Since: January 13, 2019
Answers: 8
Last Update: January 14, 2019
Visitors: 946
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Hi I'm a 22 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now, we just had our first baby too. She's 5 months so we moved very fast as you can tell. Faster than I expected (or wanted) and we live together as well. I don't know if it was the pressure/stress from having a baby or from getting into a very committed relationship but I just don't feel the same anymore.
When we initially started talking, I hadn't dated anyone in years. I wanted to put myself out there again and ended up meeting him. It was fun and I was enjoying the relationship but obviously things became very serious once I got pregnant. It became a little stressful, and then moving in with him was a big adjustment too. It's all been a bit overwhelming which made me become a little distanced.
We haven't been intimate in many months (I lost count) and I know he wants to very bad. Lack of intimacy is a daily discussion. I understand he has needs and I use to try and go along with it but at this point it just feels wrong to go along when I know I'm just not into it and I wouldn't enjoy it.
I have love for him and forever will, he's the father of my child. I just don't want to be in a relationship if i'm unhappy. I want to raise my daughter in a happy home with good surroundings even if that means being separate.
He doesn't know all of this exactly but he can tell i'm not as affectionate obviously.
So should I say something? Am I giving up too fast? Maybe it's a postpartum thing, but I just truly feel like I might've fallen out of love. It's scary, I just want to make the right decision/move.
Thank you for reading, looking forward to your advice. God Bless. (link)
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If you're afraid of deciding too fast, take a break from the relationship. Tell him you love him, but recently, the relationship doesn't feel right. Having a child slightly complicates things, but in the end, it's all the same. I'm sure your child would want you to be happy. Take your child with you, or leave her with your boyfriend, and live separately for a little while. A little distance will do your relationship good. Maybe a month, maybe more, maybe less. It depends on how you feel. Once you get back together, if it still doesn't feel right, talk it out with your boyfriend. Reach a mutual understanding, whether that's breaking up or waiting and trying to work it out between you.
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hello, So i'm 25 F. I was in a relationship for about 5 years. A very happy one until it got a little toxic by the end. I started dating someone new. For about 5 months and we ended things on good terms. It was a mutual breakup. My ex of 5 years wanted to meet up and talk once I was single and the convo started off really bad but by the end of the night we were laughing grabbed dinner and coffee and sat in the car talking for hours which is exactly what we used to do when we were dating. Recently we were hanging out and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now this became a routine. thing once or twice a week, he calls me all the time to see how my day is going, we grab dinner... Although he keeps saying we are friends with "benefits" when i went to an event with someone the next day he was asking a whole lot of questions for someone who always says he doesnt care about what I do. That same day i sent him a text letting him know that although this is all that it us between us I do still love him despite what he thinks. He texted me back saying my words dont match my actions. When literally that same night i was out, so was he and he kept posting all these pics with other girls when i never dit that. So I guess my question is.. What shoud i do? Should I just move on and leave it as is, and I dont really understand his thought process. Because we arent dating but it almost feels like we are. Help pleasee (link)
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Break it off with him. And I mean really break it off this time. Be as extreme as you can, because last time you broke up with him, look how that turned out. And I mean, extreme. Block his number and all social media. When you see him, run the other way. Refuse to talk to him. It might seem rude to you, but this is best for the both of you. I'm guessing if you don't do this, he'll keep coming back, and you'll be stuck like this for a long time. It might hurt for you, but he's being a real prick, and you don't deserve that. Mourn that lost relationship, let it fade, and move on with your life. You'll find the right guy for you eventually, but it's obviously not him.
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I met this boy in my history class. The teacher made us sit together for a project, and we hit it off almost immediately. I started having romantic feelings for him, but I later learned he has a girlfriend. Despite him being in a relationship, we have sexted each other on multiple ocassions, and even had sex. I've tried talking to him about multiple times, but every time we agree to back off, we both go back to this. I know the right thing to do would be to back off and keep it that way, but I love this attention I'm getting from him. No other boy has treated me like this before, amd I don't want it to stop. I know it's selfish, but I'm still struggling over what to do. Hia girlfriend doesn't know about me as far as I can tell. We're both in highschool if that helps anything. Thank you for the advice in advance! (link)
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Break it off with him. It's totally normal to want a boy you like to give you attention, but it shouldn't be at the price of your own morals. If he's only had sex with you and won't tell his girlfriend and break up with her for you, then chances are, he's just using you for exactly that: sex. Also by having this relationship with this guy is being unfair to his girlfriend. Relationships are built on trust, and obviously, he can't be trusted even if he were to be with you as a boyfriend now, because he was willing to cheat on his previous girlfriend, so why should he be unwilling to cheat on you? Now, I'm not saying that's what he will do, but eventually, you will start having these thoughts, and when that time comes, it won't be pretty. Your relationship with this guy should not go any further because you will only get hurt. Break off all contact with him. Block his number and all social media. Avoid him as much as possible at school, don't even look at him. Don't talk to him at all unless necessary. That's the easiest way to do this. Grieve a little, and move on. There is a guy out there for you that will treat you right, but it's clearly not him.
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hi... thank you for reading this.
I'm 19 years old and well a year ago i met this guy we have been en talking for some months for many hours, he would teach me his native language but since i couldnt utter a word in that language i would usually respond in spanish (the language we both learnt ) communication was difficult since he spoke better and i still struggled( he doesnt know English) then i start a sort of relationship with this guy and well he started dating this girl so we talk less then he stopped talking to me.after a month or so i message his girlfriend and she said that they broke up and he changed his number and she gave me the new number... (skipping ahead) after this three of talked then his ex insulted him in a group so we both just left and talked then we became closer and well he wanted me to vommunictae with him only his native language so we have been doing that and it has been a really good friends but then a few days ago he started asking about my views on marriage and relationships etc.Then he aasked me to be his girlfriend but i dint realize he was 40 while we were talking i thought he was in his early 30s and well I didnt give him a definite response . we still talk but i feel like i owe him a response. he still try to steer the conversations in that way and i have been avoiding it. i dont know if this age difference and language barrier can work out . also am i just a rebound ? i also had a crush on him in the past but i never felt the way he said that he does for me ... he do is worried about the age difference ... i mean i do have a crush on a 31 year old and i try to fight it ... i feel confused ...
thanks in advance , given the situation my questions are?
1. Should i just keep avoiding his questions until he gives up?
2. do i need help because i like a 31 year and was crushing on a 40 year old apparently? (link)
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Um, by talking, do you mean calling and face timing? Also, how exactly could you not know his age? Think about how well you actually know this guy. If you really like him, try to arrange a date where you can meet, face to face, and get to know each other better. However, if it's just a crush, leave it, and let it die out. Tell him you're sorry, and you're not interested. Don't keep avoiding his questions, it'll only make this more complicated, and you'll only be running away from your problems. Try to start focusing on someone real, someone near you, available, and someone you're sure about and know. Let this crush fade, and move on.
And just saying, age difference has nothing to do with your feelings. You do not need help at all, it's perfectly normal. Although if you were 15 and liked a 70 yr old, that's a bit of a problem, but your case isn't quite so extreme.
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My fiance (27m) and I (24f) have lived together roughly 4 months and been engaged for about two. Once in the past (before we were engaged) I caught him texting his ex and almost broke up with him, but he promised me he would never do it again and begged me to give him another shot. I did because he never cheated and the messages weren't very flirty and never amounted to anything. We've been together 7 months.
Then last night I went through the history on his phone and found out that just in the last week he was looking at photos of his ex on facebook and Instagram. I also found messages to a girl he kissed once a few years ago (who he went to school with). The conversation wasn't flirty and she was just asking him professional questions for their job field, but then he asked if she wanted to get drinks next time she was in town. I upon finding these things of course freaked out and told him we were done and I was leaving.
He insisted that none of it meant anything and I was overthinking things. He said he was just bored at work and absently looking through his ex's photos because he was just "curious". He also insisted he offered to go out for drinks with this girl as old friends only and nothing more and showed me proof they never went out following the discussion.
He agreed to delete his facebook and promised me he would never go on it again and that he loves me more than anything and that he had no idea these things would hurt me. He also agreed to relationship counseling and that if I ever catch him doing anything like this again that he understood me ending things.
At first I didn't believe any of it, but I kind of do when I think about it. He has had lots of female friends in the past and even lived with two girls at one point. Neither of which he was dating. One of his other best friends is also a girl (older married woman) and i knew that when we started dating and have met her twice. He's also never been in another serious relationship so I kind of can maybe understand how there could have been these misunderstandings. This is his last chance though and I'm not believing him again if I catch it happening. Am I being naive?
I also understand we got engaged super early in the relationship, but I don't like how everybody seems pretty uninterested in our wedding plans. Our wedding date is supposed to be a year away and I really thought my friends and family would want to be more involved, but one of my best friends is entirely uninterested in coming down to go to it because she's in another state. My mom would rather we just eloped and my dad hasn't even met him. His mom says she can only come if we do it within an hour of where she lives and his two best friends feel pretty much the same. As you might imagine, this isn't how I thought my dream wedding would be. My other best friend said she'd be there no matter what and it seems like one of his other best friends feel the same. My idea is pretty much turning into that we should have a very small wedding (if we make it that far) wherever we want it to be and use what we would have spent on a bigger wedding on a honeymoon for us. Either that or just putting off the wedding until whenever.
Another looming issue is his desire to get a house (in the next 3 months) in our current residential area. While part of me is fine with this, another part of me always thought in a year I'd be moving up north and to a big city for grad school. I'm not sure yet that I want to give up that dream if this is how things are going to be.
I of course love him to death, want to make things work, and don't want to make a mistake of giving up on this out of petty doubts. I know the grass always seems greener on the other side, but I also don't want to settle if the person I'm doing it for isn't the "one" after all. (link)
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Okay first of all, going through his phone's search history is a complete violation of his privacy, and instead of him apologizing for those things, you should apologize first, and then ask him about it calmly. You don't know that he was doing anything, and it's perfectly normal to get a little jealous, but you are being a little controlling. From my point of view, it seems like he's a pretty great guy, and even tolerates you completely disregarding his right to privacy, and even understands you breaking up with him if YOU go through his phone again and see that???! I don't know, it might seem like it's be because he doesn't care about the relationship enough, but he seems like a great, understanding, tolerant, reasonable dude, and I think your reasons are understandable, but you are also overreacting a little.
I think a small wedding is fine, and your friends don't care enough to come, then don't force them. Their loss. I mean who really needs to come to a wedding really? Just family and close, good, friends. I mean, if your mom WANTS you to elope, I say elope- who doesn't love a little excitement? If you aren't willing to give up your dream, TALK to him about it, don't tell us, tell him. Talk things out between you two, and see if you want to go long-distance, or both of you move up there, you finish grad school, and move back. HOWEVER, I do think you should wait a little for the wedding. You guys are still young, live your life a little more before settling down. Save up for a trip and live a little! But don't give up this relationship if you love him, and DEFINITELY don't break up over some little doubts without talking to him about it.
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I feel like I'm trapped with my S.O. because he makes really good money and has what's considered a top notch career. My whole family would probably judge me if I ever left him and so would my friends.
I'm not exactly unhappy, but he's also not who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I cook and clean for him while I work and go to school. He's selfish and pushes me really hard to unreasonable expectations. Even though he makes really good money he still makes me pay half of rent and our other expenses, which I don't think is fair because he makes more than I probably ever will. I think he's kind of boring and he doesn't satisfy me in bed. He thinks extremely highly of himself and looks at everybody else as peons. Sometimes he even tells me he doesn't think I can ever be where he is and he struggled to come up with a reason that he's proud of me because my life before him was just so much more insignificant than how he lives.
The flip side is he can be sweet, compliments my appearance, tells me he loves me all the time, and if I just try really hard to not argue things tend to run smoothly, but then I'm constantly letting him get away with acting like a little boy (expecting me to do everything for him and throwing a fit when I ask him to do something). I've never been able to live as nice as we do so that's been a blessing and most of the time, I think that's worth putting up with him.
Together, we have a nice well furnished home with all the cooking supplies I ever dreamed of having (which is important to me). We can go on vacations and eat out at nice places. We can have people over. We don't have a mansion or anything like that, but before I was living in one bedroom in a 4/4 shared with 3 roommates and cosigned on by my parents just to afford rent. Now I live in a 3/3 home in a gated community just for me and him.
Sometimes I think I just need to learn to shut my mouth because if I push him too much I may lose everything and have to go back to living in the situation I was in before, which I hated. Most of the time when I lived like that I was stuck in my bedroom when not at work or school and had to only eat quick frozen/cheap meals because my roommates always hogged the kitchen and there was no room for anything. I lived in a bad part of town and was scared to go anywhere at night. I still have years left before I get my ultimate masters degree so I won't be making good enough money to live on my own for a while. That makes me wonder if I'm being extremely selfish and how many people would give a lot to be where I am now with his help.
Help?
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So I'm going to be frank. Yes, you are being a tiny bit selfish. That is completely normal though, everyone wants to live a good life. Asking you to pay half the rent and expenses is perfectly reasonable, even if he does make more than you do. However, if all he does is make money and nothing else, that is unreasonable as well. You need to be a little more specific I think. What is he refusing to do? You mentioned that having all the cooking supplies you ever dreamed of is important to you. So you shouldn't mind if he knows he sucks at cooking and you like cooking. If he's looking down on you, then all you have to do is work really hard and prove him wrong. However, there is another complication. You don't like him. So why are you still with him? You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone you don't even like. As for finances, ask a good friend to split rent for something slightly better than before, but if you're still in Uni, you don't need to go on vacations or eat out a lot. You have your whole life in front of you to do that. You can probably tough it out for a few more years. After you graduate, you can live as lavish of a life as you want. I think you're being a little bit picky, but that's understandable, and having a S.O like that is not helping your situation. What happens when you break up? The way your relationship is going now, you're bound to break up. So why wait? Everyone works jobs while at Uni and college. You need to learn to be self-sufficient, and not rely on your S.O's money so much. On the other hand, he's not treating you so well anyways, so why stay?
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okay so I like this dude named lucifer. We dont have any classes together or anything and when we text i always hit him up and today was like the first time we talked in person I just walked up to him and was like what class do u have next and he said computers why and i said oh i was just wondering. And im stuck should i stop hitting him up and wait for him to hit me up? should i just forget him and move on? i just really need help. (link)
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Personally, I think you should move on. However it really depends on how you feel. If you really like him, keep him in the back of your mind, but don't actively go after him- if he's not interested, he'll only get weirded out and drift farther away. Say hi to him when you see him, but don't say anything else if you don't need to. Leave it up to Lady Luck. Maybe in the future, you'll be in a situation where you have to be together a lot, and you can rekindle this spark, but for now, you should probably move on.
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We are in our 20s and don’t know what to do. The only option given to me is for me to convert to being muslim. It sucks because he does not want to let down his parents and wants his parents to accept me. If they find out he is still speaking to me, they would arrange a marriage for him and force him to marry whomever they choose. They even told him if I decide to convert my whole family basically would have to do the same or do whatever is “halal” like his family. Which I think is nonsense cause my family would never do such a thing. I really feel like his parents just don’t want him with me...There has to be another way to get through this. Yes, conversion is a big step to take in my life but I really do love him and can picture and fully be okay with having a future with him. I really don’t know what to do...I really can’t and do not want to lose him. Someone please help (link)
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Let me ask you this. How far are you willing to go for this relationship? Are you willing to change yourself for this relationship? Your parents will not convert, and his parents will not approve. In the future, even if his parents eventually consent to you being with him, they still will not like you. Are you willing to live your life feeling like your not enough for your boyfriend or maybe future husband's family? And the most important part. How far is he willing to go for you? Is he willing to go against his parents' wishes for you? And even if he does, are you willing to be with him knowing that you possibly caused him to lose his family? If he chooses you, he will possibly lose his family, and your relationship will be strained. If he chooses his family, your relationship will end. So choose for him. How many things are you willing to sacrifice to be with him? I say if his family can't see that you're perfect the way you are, then they don't deserve you. And while it may feel like staying friends with him is a better option than losing him completely, that is not true. It will only cause more pain. I'm sorry but, there is no in-between for your solution. If you decide to break it off with him, break it all off. Grieve, and move on.
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