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November 17, 2008Answers:
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about
My name is Sydney. I'm a 39 year old woman who has been giving sound, unbiased and caring advice to hundreds of people of all ages and backgrounds for the past 14 years. When giving advice or answering questions, I give the very best advice I have and all my answers are given with the utmost care and concern. There may be times when I tell you things that you don't want to hear but know that my advice is given in what I believe is your best interest, since my purpose here is to help you achieve the very best outcome for any situation or concern you present to me. My specialties are relationship issues (all kinds), mental health issues, sexual issues, spirituality/religious issues, and self-esteem issues. Please feel free to drop me a letter. I look forward to helping you.
advice
Ok i don't know what is wrong with me. But over the past 2 years i find myself cutting down on -or limiting- the types and amount of books and movies i read and watch. I am even starting to lock my self home because i can't stand the fact that i can't do what people are doing (people i don't know like renowned anthropologist or astronauts or so on...) I mean now i only read my text books or watch documentaries or "informative" shows that i could analyzed or extract meaning or a moral out of it without having to endure through the backdrop love story or adventure.... to elaborate...
my cousin begged me to go see twilight with her this past weekend. so being nice i went. I never read the book (for the reasons i stated) and have no prior attachments or knowledge of the story beforehand. after watching it i felt ok... it was an ok movie... a couple hours later... boom i knewwww i shouldn't have gone!!! i can't stop dreaming of it and i can't help feel bad (to the extent of serious depression sessions... as in can't get out of bed can't study can't shower let alone go out depressed!) i start wishing i had what was depicted like powers or such strong love...usually the imaginary or the idealized (nothing that relates to real life in anyway!) the problem it's not just twilight! it's anything i read or see!! even my safety net movies like documentaries and biology or philosophy or whatever books! granted i get a milder sort of emotional overthrow but it's still there... the other day i was watching something about famine and poverty and so on in africa and i got into this trance the whole day wishing i could be there or explore their world or be born an African to experience that... i don't think it is necessarily humanitarian empathy... i guess it stems from selfish roots.... like envy... (i am probably so green, that there are no green pigments for the rest of the world to reflect!!!!)
i know this sounds ridiculous and i sound like i am pmsing but i wouldn't be writing this if it weren't having such a terrible effect on my life!!
i've spoken to my mum and family doctor and they are convinced it is nothing (the doctor just laughed and said it's in my head and that he would "give [me] the birth control pills without all that") and laugh every time i try to explain... i feel really embarrassed but i don't know if it's just me or if there is something wrong with me!!! i feel i am missing out on so many things! including all the best sellers and box office hits :(
please help!
It sounds as if you have become increasingly disappointed and disenchanted with the life you have and the lack of consistent positive emotional stimulation, which has now affected you to the point where you're depressed. I completely understand how you feel. I too have had "fantasies" or wished I had super powers or a super exciting life or a really strong "storybook" love affair. The reason I had these "dreams" is because I too was disappointed and completely bored with my life as I had it. There's nothing ridiculous about how you feel. You are just in a serious rut and you have to pull yourself out of it and turn your life in a different, more interesting direction. One way you can begin to pull yourself out of it and redirect your life is by getting envolved in groups and activities with positive influences and fun through interaction with others. That's what I did to bring myself out of it. When you get yourself involved in groups with activities that keep you busy mentally and physically, you start to refocus your negative energy into postive energy, your emotional state should improve and the depression you're feeling will subside. Depression grows if you keep feeding it so start starving it by redirecting your thoughts and energy towards positive quests. You will have to open your mind to it and may have to force yourself to do things initially but as time goes on and you start to experience enjoyment from the group, its members, activities and/or interactions, the depression you're experiencing will become a thing of the past. I hope I've been helpful to you. Let me know how things progress with you.
Okay so i went out for my ex for a long time..and he's on the football team. And everyone knew me as his girlfriend and his..so its kinda like i'm marked by him. Well we're broken up and you know like i want to hook up with other people or have another relationship or whatever but i feel like my ex owns me or something cause everyone just associates me with him. Some people even think were still going out when we broke up like 5 months ago.. WHAT DO I DO? its crazy lol i'm alawys like "WE'RE NOT TOGETHER!!" but i feel like no one gets it. And my friends hook up with guys a lot and i can't even like find someone else cause of my ex it seems like. I want to like put myself out there but i guess i'm kinda shy so i don't know how ahhh
help.
Your friends and people in school are probably thinking you two are still together because they haven't seen you with any other guy and it also could be because your ex-bf is either telling folks you're still his girl or "cock-blocking" other guys from pursuing you. So, my suggestion is that you should expand your horizons for finding another relationship by meeting other people that don't go to your school. And since you say you're kinda shy, maybe you can join a club or group in your area that has members from other schools and meet new guys that way.
19f, Ok it seems like when I like someone, really like someone, they always end up disappearing somehow. And the people that really like me who I sorta settle for for are the people that I always end up hurting. I don't understand why I can't be happy with the nice ones. for instance one of the guys im talking to right now is really sweet and really likes me. I don't know why I am so reluctant to enter into a relationship with him. Why can't I just let myself be happy with the person who would try their best to make me happy versus one Im not sure cares. The other guy that I am interested in, who I like just a little more, I don't talk as much and I don't know if he REALLY likes me like he says he does. But somehow I find myself thinking about him more than the other guy and wondering who to choose. Its not like I don't talk to the other guy AT ALL and when I do talk to him he seems into me but he doesn't show as much interest as the first guy I mentioned. SO why am I still confused. I should know exactly who I want to be with and it should be the one that shows me they really care, right? I mean I do like him...I just happen to like the other guy too and a little more...i think. I just don't kno. I am so confused. Help me!!!
It sounds like you need a challenge of some kind in order for you to be really interested in a guy instead of appreciating who and what comes to you easily. You said that they guy that's really into you is sweet and I gather he wants to spend time with you and probably treats you the way you want to be treated. So why are you less interested in the nice guy? Probably because the other guy is more of a mystery to you because he doesn't show as much interest and he leaves you wondering about him and his motives. Don't fall for it and risk losing a wonderful guy in the process. I too used to go for the guys that were a "mystery" to me way more so than the ones that were really interested and doing that always left me hurt and even more confused. So when a really nice guy came my way, I learned to really appreciate him, the great attention he gives me and all the terrific things about him and I've been so much happier. So my advice is to let mystery man go and put your attention into the guy shows you without a doubt that he really likes you. Your life will be much happier.
ok i have a big problem and need help *sigh*
i am going out with a guy who used to like my sister. but she did not like him at all he went chasing for her for a long time it was annoying. i didnt like him at that time or even noticed the attraction for him. he asked her out and i helped him ask my sister out, and she said NO. so he was heart broken. then a couple months later he gives up and another guy goes for my sister and he wants her. then he texted me and said he liked me and brought up if he would want to go out with me. and i said no because i only liked him as a friend and that it wouldnt work out for us. a couple days later i had these really strong feelings for him and started to really like him a lot and told my sister that i wanted to go out with him. and she didnt care at all because she thought he was the most annoying thing in the world. i loved him for his personality. so i told her to tell him i liked him. and she told him and he said he had to think about it but he was really happy that i liked him. on friday he asked me out and i said yes. it was awkward at first because we were not really close friends as my sister was to him. we have been going out now for 4 months now. i love him with all my heart and we talk about getting married and all. but theres just one problem i have this gut feeling he likes my sister still because he will talk to her a lot, (mostly about me) but for some reason when ever he talks about her it seems like he still likes her or something. i am not sure should i ask him if he still does or just ignore it that he loves me and not her? how do i know?
It's possible that he still has strong feelings for your sister and is with you just to be close to her. One thing you can do to see if that's the case is ask your sister to start cutting her conversations and interactions with him way back and see how he reacts. If he becomes upset by it to the point where your conversations with him are all about why your sister isn't talking to him as much, then his focus isn't on you but her and you shouldn't continue with the relationship. However, if he directs most of his attention and conversation back to you and seems relatively unaffected by your sister's lack of attention to him then you know he's with you because he really cares for you. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.
To all you girls out there, I have a question/scenario. Here is your chance to give some good advice to a confused man. I had been dating this girl for about 4 months. Everything thing was going FANTASTIC! I played it cool - didn’t rush anything - Just had the most amazing time together. I came over a couple of days ago and she did a complete 180 on me and said it was not working for her anymore. That’s fine, we all go through it – Here is my question: She also told me that when she realized that she loved me - she realized that she could not be in a committed relationship. How do you take that? What do you do about it? Should you do anything? She said she was in basic panic mode and felt uncomfortable in any relationship. She had been single for 6 yrs before she met me. Any advice here is good and appreciated. Thanks!
Sounds like she's experienced a failed relationship that devestated her to the point where she feels that if she avoids becoming close with or loving someone and avoids a committment/relationship, it will prevent a repeat of what happened before, especially since you said she's been single for 6 years and was in basic panic mode and felt uncomfortable in any relationship. It sounds like she feels to vulnerable in something more than a casual relationship/friendship. Now the failed relationship she experienced could be with another man or in her family (perhaps her parents divorced). Whatever the cause, she now has a fear of commitment and that fear has triggered a negative mental and emotional response. If you want to know what's going on with her, the best thing you can do is ask her why she's avoiding a committed relationship with you or anyone for that matter. If her answer reveals some deep routed issues, you should suggest she get some counseling so that she can deal with the issues better so she can hopefully have a healthy committed relationship in the future. If she's willing to try counseling, she may need and ask for your support so you should consider whether or not you want to be there for her and with her through this and in what capacity. Let me know if this helps and how it goes with her.
I want a small indoor dog who can get along with my cat, is preferably easy to groom, doesn’t bark like crazy without good reason, and is affectionate. There are no children in my home which is in a rural area, I’d love taking him/her on a walk with a leash, but the dog also needs to be able to entertain itself for about 9 hours while I’m gone at work on weekdays. If anyone can give me breed suggestions, tips, or any other info, that would be great! I’m considering an Australian Terrier.
Like the person below mentioned, having a dog in the house alone for 9 hours a day during the week isn't the best situation for the dog. It will be starved for affection. However, if you really want to get a dog, you should get two so they can keep each other company during your long absences. As for a specific breed, you should use a dog breed selector (http://www.iams.com/iams/breed-information.jsp) and answer the questions to make sure you're getting the right dog for your circumstances. Good luck on your search!
im looking for a website of a list of modeling calls in my area. i dont really have any experience but im trying to get into it. anything would be nice! thanks
Check to see if there are any modeling schools or clubs in your area. They usually give classes to help you get more experience and have modeling opportunities available.
18/f.
alright so i like this guy. i met him at this halloween party. we started dancing together and talking and then later a bunch of us went over to our friends house afterwards just to hang out a little more. he shows up and we were talking and he sits down on a chair and pulls me down and sits me on his lap. we start talking a little more and then we move to the couch so we could talk to eachother better without the chaos of everyone else.
so we continue talking and everything is really good and we are just watching tv and cuddling on the couch. after i leave he turns to my one friend and says how he wished he would of gotten my phone number.
the next day as i'm walking to my classes i pass him and i didn't say anything because i was texting on my phone and didn't realize that i passed him. i get a text from him and he was like "so i'm not even worth a smile or a hi or anything.?" and i said "aw i'm sorry i wasn't paying attention." so we were talking a little more
and then from then on i'd say hey to him and smile
when i passed him and he would text me and be like "thats better." and stuff like that. he also said that we should hang out again sometime and i agreed. the next week i texted him and said we should hang out sometime soon and he said yeah that would be cool. the days go by and we still haven't hung out and haven't talked as much.
i texted him the one day and said "hey how are you?" and he didn't say anything back. then it was my one friends birthday and we were throwing him a party at our friends house and the guy i like was going. so when i get there he wasn't there so i texted him and said "so i heard you were supposed to be at the b-day party tonight, so where are you!? haha" and he didn't say anything back.
so all of his friends kept telling me that they were gonna talk to him and ask him what was up and i didn't want them to because it would make things worse. so my best friend who has a class with him said that she would talk to him. and she did. she told him that i didn't want his friends to be bothering him about me and he said that he wouldn't of been bothered. and then she said that he should text me to hang out sometime because i was interested in him and he said that he would.
well its been a few days and i still haven't gotten anything. i passed him in the cafe the other day he said hey and i said hey back but then nothing after that.
so i'm so confused.. i don't know what to do.
and i don't know what to think. and i just really would like some help!!
oh and for halloween i was dressed as a "skanky inspector" cause it's halloween and you are allowed to dress skanky.. haha
and my friend told me today that the guy i like isn't into "skanky girls" cause she heard him saying that to his one friend
and it makes me wonder if maybe he thinks i'm a slut/skank and thats why nothing is working out anymore...?
sorry that it's sooooo long!!
He seems to have liked you regardless of your costume or you wouldn't have spent so much time together that evening at the party. Also, he wouldn't care whether or not you ignored him in the hallway if he didn't like you. So, perhaps other people are telling him things about you that's causing him not to pursue more conversations with you or a date. Best way to find out for sure what's going on with him is to come right out and ask him what the deal is. Hopefully he'll be honest with you about whatever it is that's keeping him from texting you back or setting up a date. If his answer is lame, leave him alone and get on with you life.
16/f. I have a huge crush on this kid. I met him at a music honor society meeting at my school. We talked alot and found out that we actually play the same instrument and have alot in common. He knew who I was right away though because he knows my brother. Well, last night, we ended up at the same get-together of a mutual friends and we hung out the whole time even though we barely knew eachother. He is so sweet and cute and now I really like him. I flirted with him, and I got the feeling that he kinda liked me too because he would stand really close to me when talking to me and make any excuse to touch me. Example: he says: "I make all my new friends shake hands with me for 15 minutes." I say: "okay!" Result: Us holding hands for a long time.. haha. Also, putting his hand on my shoulder when saying somthing important, ect. So heres the problem: I have no classes with him, we're never at the same social gatherings (this was the first time), and I am not comfortable enough with our mutual friend to ask him to set us up. Music honor society meets like every 2 weeks only, so I'll see him this wednesday, what should I do to make sure he remembers me or asks me to hang out or somthing? I really like him, but I have to make every meeting with him count!
You can always say that you enjoy talking with him about whatever you have in common like music and ask him if he'd like to keep in touch outside of the music honor society meetings. If he does, then you should ask him for his email address (that way you don't look too pressed to talk to him). However, if he offers to give you his phone number instead or with his email address, you know that he probably likes you as much as you like him and then you two can talk whenever. Good luck on Wednesday! Let me know how it turns out.
Okay, so my boyfriend wants to have sex with me, and I do too but im not going to because i don't want to get pregnant. So we agreed on dry sex (sex but with udnies on) ha. but anyways is there anyway that I can get pregnant? Or anything that I should look out for?
Thanks for your help!
And I rate every answer!
=]
If you're going to have sex, please always use a condom. However, you should ALWAYS make sure the condom you use is new from a fresh pack (check out the expiration date on the box) and check each individual condom wrapper to make sure there are no holes or tears in the wrapper which could make the condom ineffective to prevent pregnancy and transmission of STDs. Also remember, CONDOMS DO BREAK sometimes so if you really want to prevent pregnancy, you should abstain from sex all together or talk to your OB/GYN or health care professional about other forms of birth control to use with condoms.
My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time and I was in a lot of pain.. I expected losing my virginity to hurt but, this pain was incredible. He could get his dick in to a certain extent but once it was at a certain point, I want to say his dick was about 3/4 in, he'd try to go further and the pain was excruciating. I don't know what is wrong.. What is my problem? What is holding back from him going further? (I already popped my cherry at an earlier date.) Is it as far as he can go and I am just trying to push it further? I really don't think it's as far as he can go. I am really confused. The pain was so bad, I would literally push him off of me cause he'd go too deep. Will it get better? I am so lost..
Pain during sex can be caused by a lot of things. If you are not relaxed enough or there isn't enough lubercation in the vagina or on the penis, pain can happen during insertion. This can be remedied by using a waterbased lubercant or more foreplay before penetration.
However, painful sex can also be caused by other conditions such as: (1) vaginal infections (like yeast infections); (2) pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) where the tissues deep inside become badly inflamed and the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain; (3) problems with your uterus (maybe fibroids and/or Endometriosis) which can cause deep intercourse pain; (4) problems with your ovaries (maybe due to cysts on the ovaries); (5) problems with cervix which can cause pain with deep penetration; and (6) an Ectopic pregnancy where a fertilized egg develops outside of the uterus.
If lubercation and more foreplay don't immediately solve the problem, please consult your OB/GYN or health care professional so you can find out if there is a medical reason for your pain and get proper treatment.