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Mixed Signals
To all you girls out there, I have a question/scenario. Here is your chance to give some good advice to a confused man. I had been dating this girl for about 4 months. Everything thing was going FANTASTIC! I played it cool - didn’t rush anything - Just had the most amazing time together. I came over a couple of days ago and she did a complete 180 on me and said it was not working for her anymore. That’s fine, we all go through it – Here is my question: She also told me that when she realized that she loved me - she realized that she could not be in a committed relationship. How do you take that? What do you do about it? Should you do anything? She said she was in basic panic mode and felt uncomfortable in any relationship. She had been single for 6 yrs before she met me. Any advice here is good and appreciated. Thanks!
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She's afraid of committment. That's it. You did nothing wrong, she did nothing wrong, no one did anything wrong. She's just afraid of being in a relationship. In the book "The Last Lecture", nonfiction by the way, the man's woman is also afraid of committment. She moves back to her house, another state away, and cuts off contact with him. He is utterly crushed. His dad tells him to be as nice as possible to her when he DID see her around and to just be very casual. Eventually, the girl comes back to him. Moral of the story; you can't CHANGE her mind, but if you stay in her life, maybe SHE will. I'm not telling you to be a stalker haha, just be a friend to her :) goodluck! Hope I helped!
-Jessica 14/f
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I know WHY she broke it off. She was scared. Plain and simple. It sounds crazy, but she's not ready for something so real. She said she loved you and that scares some females because they think they're not ready for true love.
What you have to do is try to get over her. Its hard and it will get harder, however she went into the relationship without thinking what would happen if she started loving you. She was not prepared for what happened, and won't be for probably a while. She pretty much needs to grow up and out of the idea that relationships aren't commiting. Because they are!
Honestly, I don't think there's anything you can do, unfortunately. You did everything right by taking it slow, and even with that, she couldn't handle it, so therefore its her problem that she needs to overcome. Either you can wait for her (which can be a long time and could possibly be pointless because she's "uncomfortable w/ any relationship) or you can move on and find someone who isn't scared of relationships, and will love you without any fears.
Good luck, and I hope you find someone right for you.
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Sounds like she's experienced a failed relationship that devestated her to the point where she feels that if she avoids becoming close with or loving someone and avoids a committment/relationship, it will prevent a repeat of what happened before, especially since you said she's been single for 6 years and was in basic panic mode and felt uncomfortable in any relationship. It sounds like she feels to vulnerable in something more than a casual relationship/friendship. Now the failed relationship she experienced could be with another man or in her family (perhaps her parents divorced). Whatever the cause, she now has a fear of commitment and that fear has triggered a negative mental and emotional response. If you want to know what's going on with her, the best thing you can do is ask her why she's avoiding a committed relationship with you or anyone for that matter. If her answer reveals some deep routed issues, you should suggest she get some counseling so that she can deal with the issues better so she can hopefully have a healthy committed relationship in the future. If she's willing to try counseling, she may need and ask for your support so you should consider whether or not you want to be there for her and with her through this and in what capacity. Let me know if this helps and how it goes with her.
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