I am too old and out of shape to beat around the bush so I'll give it to you straight. If you want sugarcoating go to the candy store, you won't find it here. Sometimes a little good old fashioned honesty is just what the doctor ordered!
Gender: Female
Location: PA
Member Since: August 19, 2012
Answers: 317
Last Update: June 14, 2018
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My mom and dad divorced 2 years ago and she has been in a relationship with this guy for 10 months. He was always kind of off but I never thought he would actually hurt my mom. He has bipolar depression, drinks a lot, and does drugs. My mom is an alcoholic and when she drinks, he beats her. These 2 people lived with them and they told me about what he does. He would drag her by her hair across the floor, he would throw bottles of liquor at her, he also smacks, kicks, punches, and grabs her. She would stay the night at his house over the weekends and her room had no bed, she would have to sleep on the floor like a dog. Everytime she would try to sleep, he would bang on her door until she finally let him in and then he'd hit her. She has pictures of the bruises and cuts.
He is also verbally abusive and calls her names like bitch, fat, ugly, whore, and c*nt. He uses her for her money and once she gives him what he wants he kicks her out of the house and calls her multiple names.
She is "too in love" to tell the police. She is afraid he will hate her.
My dad, siblings, the 2 people who live with them, and I went to the police to report it and they said nothing can be done unless she files a report. We are trying to help her with her drinking and she won't let us do that and just says to take her back to him. She also says she deserves to be smacked. I really have no clue what to do. I really need help. I don't like seeing my mom like this. (link)
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Your mom is sick. She has a disease called alcoholism. Unfortunately she has to WANT help in order to get better. Check your local newspaper for the closest Al-Anon meeting. The people there are going through the same thing you are. When you are alone with your mom ask her if she would consider going into an rehab facility or to an AA meeting. There are also agencies that help battered women in the event that she would decide to get away from him. Perhaps you could contact some of these agencies and get some information for her so that she knows the emergency numbers and who to call if she is ever in danger. Ask her if she is willing to see a therapist. She feels totally worthless right now and a good therapist will not only address the addiction issues but will help her rebuild her self esteem as well. Make sure she knows that she is loved and that she is important to you and your siblings. If you really feel that she can no longer make rational decisions and she is a danger to herself or others you have the option to have her involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward for 72 hours for observation. However if you make this choice you do risk alienating her completely. This would be a decision best made with all family members in agreement. You could also stage an intervention, where ALL family members come together and encourage her to get help for her addiction. Sometimes this works, sometimes it backfires badly. You are the best judge of your mother's personality and whether or not this might be an option. If you choose to try this you have to take her away from this man to a place where all of the family members are gathered. There is usually a neutral third party such as a minister or advocate from an agency present as well. In the event she agrees she must be taken IMMEDIATELY to a facility or hospital for help. If she is allowed to go home for any reason he will make sure that she doesn't follow through.I hope she will get a moment of clarity and realize that she really needs help. At any rate please go to the Al-Anon meetings, they can better help you decide how you want to approach her. Even if she totally refuses all help Al-Anon can help YOU to understand how to deal with the situation. Best of luck to you and your mother!
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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I am going to say some things you are probably not going to like or agree with but I am going to ask you to at least consider them. First of all you have to realize it is NOT your place to save this girl. You are only 17! This little girl is only 15 and you helped her to run away!I know you think you are helping but you are actually making things much worse for your girlfriend and yourself. You are literally destroying any hope for your future by choosing these illegal actions! I am sorry to be blunt but neither of you are mature enough to handle this type of situation on your own. If your girlfriend is being abused then she needs to get a respected adult on her side to help prove it, like a school counselor, a teacher or a clergyman. If you and she do not choose some other way to handle this situation soon I see it ending very badly, with you in jail and your girlfriend in a detention center! Here comes the second part you may not want to look at. Whether this girl is being abused or not she is NOT mature enough to care if she gets you in trouble! Frankly I think she is thriving on this drama and you are only too happy to play the part of the white knight riding in to the rescue. Someday when you are older you are really going to regret these decisions, although I know you don't believe it now. At 17 and 15 you are far too young to be trying to live anywhere together. You both need to finish school and prepare for your future. What if you are sitting somewhere 10 years from now with a criminal record, no education, no job, and no girl. Yes, it has happened even to the most "in love" couples once they get out there in the real world! If this girl tells you she is starved or has been beaten tell her to go to the school nurse or counselor and report it immediately. Once she sees you are not going to come running and try to whisk her away I think you will find her situation will suddenly improve!I think you are a great guy and very brave for wanting to help her but no matter how you look at this it isn't your battle. Do the right thing, do the mature thing, and tell her to report this through an adult. Good luck to you both!
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My question is that i have changed my entire life to be the girl he wants. I have only one friend i can talkto and see on his terms and no family at all.I dont want to leave him necause i love him with all my heart but the name calling and hitting i thought was getting easier but now i think i am losing my 2 week unborn child. He swears i cheated on him anyway. Do you think it is going to get easier or should i just stay quiet and change sime more? I know its my fault. Thank you for listening. (link)
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Well, you are right, it is your fault and you are not going to get pitied here. If you are still a teen then you need to go home and work things out with your family, otherwise you need to call a women\'s abuse center immediately and get the hell out of there before he kills you! Either way you need counseling (and lots of it)! If you really are allowing someone to treat you this way and you think you deserve it then you have to understand that you have a problem. I am also going to lay some reality on you, if you really are pregnant and allowing him to hit you and abuse you and doing nothing to get away from him then that is also child abuse on YOUR part as well! If you want to allow some idiot to treat you this way then there is nothing anyone can do to help you but if you bring an innocent child into it and do nothing to stop it, that is criminal on your part as well as his. If he is already saying your child is not his then I can see this ending with a dead baby and both of you in jail. You don\'t really love this guy, it\'s an addiction on your part. You are addicted to the feeling you get from him when he is being loving with you. You will do anything to feel that again just like a junkie will do anything for a drug. You are willing to die for this feeling but you have to get some counseling so that you can understand it for what it is, an addiction.. If you are for real and you are not trolling(which is my first instinct here)then please take my advice and get out,cut off all contact with him, get a protection from abuse order,get counseling and get well. Good luck.
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Well, idk where to start but for a long time I've had this kind of memory of my dad taking me to the toilet when I was 2/3 and was only just really getting used to going by myself and i just remember him sitting me down on it and telling me to keep my legs open, i can't remember if I actually needed to use the toilet but I remember it was uncomfortable sitting like that...
I'm 21 now and still remember this but I don't know if I've made it up and if I haven't I don't really know if it counts as any kind of violation. I've remembered this image for a long time though, and it's only like 3 seconds long but it always jumps into my head at random times :s
So I don't know what to think about it to be honest. (link)
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I don\'t believe you father violated you. If your father was that kind of person he would have most likely continued to sexually abuse you. Honestly, he probably just wanted to be able to see if you went before he took you off the toilet. Since your only memory is discomfort from sitting with your legs open I really don\'t think anything inappropriate happened. If your father was good decent parent for 21 years I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and just chalk it up to inexperience on his part when taking a toddler to the bathroom. On the other hand if you really feel something inappropriate happened then tell him about this memory and how it bothers you. Hopefully you can get this straitened out in your mind and put it to rest.
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I am a selfish jerk and a cheat. i have no skill sets to get a job. everybody around me is very judegemental so i cant tell truth about what is going on in my life. i just want to end it. please suggest me ways to kill myself. Dont try to talk me out of it. (link)
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Well, why the H-E double toothpicks don\'t you STOP being selfish and STOP being a jerk! Make your apologies like a man then go get some dang job skills,they offer it for free! It\'s not that hard! Most people don\'t need someone else to figure out their suicide(now c\'mon really?) so if you don\'t want talked out of it why did you post this? Whatever is going on in your life can be changed but that is up to you. Everyone has two choices in this life. You can be a whiner or be a winner. It takes a heck of a lot more courage to live than it does to die. I don\'t think you\'re a coward. If you find the courage to live you just might amaze yourself. If you would see a doctor they could give you medication for depression. A lot of people on the brink of suicide have gone on to live amazing lives after being treated for a chemical imbalance. Just some things to think about buddy, you know you could make good decisions from now on if you wanted to. Good luck!
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