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Gender:

Female

Location:

Canada

Occupation:

Family, Youth and Mental Health Counsellor

Age:

31

Member Since:

July 13, 2006

Answers:

410

Last Update:

October 16, 2007

Visitors:

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General Sex Questions

about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

hi i am a 22 year old female and am 7 weeks pregnant i just wanted to know if vibrators are safe during early pregnancy

I have never heard that it is dangerous, as having sex is not dangerous unless specifically told by your doctor that it is not ok then have fun!! Some of womens most sexual times/urges is when she is pregnant!!

HOH

After 2 weeks of having sex with my boyfriend, I go to the bathroom and it hurts when i pee. I get pain down in the vagina and the pain comes up to my lower stomach. I completly skiped my period last month and it hasn't arrived yet. I'v gotten a pregnancy test and shows up negative. Are my hormones messed up and what should I do?

Hey there sounds to me like it you may have an infection. It also could be other things. You really need to go to your doctor or a clinic and get this checked out.

if you are hiv positive can u still get a belly ring and tattoo please let me know

Most places will not do a piercing or tattoo on someone who is HIV positive. It is not a question of your right to have a tattoo or piercing it is a question of the person giving it too you. It is their choice who they wish to give body art too, when receiving either of these services you are asked to sign a waiver which is legaling binding that states that you do not have HIV, AIDS, Hep C or any other disease that can be passed by the blood or bodily fluids. IF you say you are free and clear and God forbid something happens and it can be traced to you you are liable and if it is HIV which leads to the person infected to get aids here in Canada you can be charged with attempted murder, negligant homicide if the person dies or at the very least assault.

There are places that will still do either piercing or tattoo without asking any questions, but in my experience those are the types of places that you should avoid!!

Any other questions let me know.

when is it most likely for a girl to get pregnant
in her menstrual cycle.

You are most likely to get pregnant approx. 2 weeks after the first day of your cycle there is usually a 3-6 day window, BUT it is possible to get pregnant at any time during your cycle, unlikely but possible. It is always the smartest idea to use protection not only against pregnancy but std's as well.

ok so i was hooking up with my guy and he was fingering me and he was pretty hard and it felt good ...but when he took his fingers out there was blood all over his fingers and that has never happened before. it burned when i went to go pee. what happened? it was so embarassing he thought i was on my period!!! whats wrong?

It sounds as though he may have scratched you by accident. It happens sometimes this would also explain why it burns when you pee. It will heal by itself just try not to irritate it, i.e. by having any type of sex.

If you were a virgin it may have been you losing your virginity but usually that doesn't cause burning when you pee. If it doesn't go away in a week or so go visit your GP.

What is up with these 13 yr olds and getting pregnant/asking for advice about fingering and sexual things like that. wtf is our world coming too.When I was 13 I was still playing coodies with the guys next door or riding my bike around the neighborhood. Gahsh by the time I turn 30, 5 yr olds will be worried about sex. WTH

Wow GREAT comment!! As someone who works with teens everyday believe it or not I actually see some 13 yr olds who are sexually active. It breaks my heart because its not that they are ready or at times even want to have sex or experiment its more that they are afraid that if they don't they will become outcasts or lose their boyfriends/girlfriends.

What many young teens - this includes 13,14,15 and yes even 16 yr olds - fail to realize is that sex should be a treasured experience not something that needs to be gotten out of the way. Its a sad state of affairs when a 26 yr old woman become a grandmother, but its happening every day more and more.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while now (10 months) were ready to take it to the next level (sex) I am a virgin and i am young, and havent really experienced much and i've heard you have to be shaved, i'm not familiar with it so i was wondering if someone could give me a few tips on how to shave.

thanks.

First off shaving is a personal choice especially when it concerns the genital area. Shaving your vagina can be painful leaving razor burn and it itches like hell when it grows back. What is recommended is trimming, using sissors just trim so that its not like a bush!

The only thing women should shave and even then many women don't is their legs and arm pits.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask me.

Does masturbating while you're still a virgin mess with your period? I'm 15 and I still haven't gotten mine. Can a gyno tell if you masturbate?

Masturbating in no way affects your virginity. Nor will it affect when you get your period, many girls only start their cycle when they are 16-17, talk to your mom and see how old she was when she got hers, its not foolproof but if she was a late bloomer you may be too. A gyno can't tell if you masturbate.

Hope this helps

I'm about 5 or 6 days late for my period. Im still a virgin so I know I'm not pregnant..so whats wrong with me?

What if I dont get it at all this month? Should I be consulting a doctor?

Ok many things affect your cycle. Stress plays a big role, for example when my sister got married she skipped 2 months due to the stress of the wedding. Also you don't say how old you are but many women experience irregular periods throughout their lives. If you continue to be irregular there are solutions the best one is going on the pill this also lessens cramps. Weight also affects your cycle so if you are under weight or exercise like a demon this will also cause you to miss periods.

I really would not worry about this its a pain that you don't know when to expect it but you will get it again!!

Can a regular blood test determine if your pregnant?

Yes but the doctor needs to ask the lab to check for the levels of hormones in your blood, they won't automatically check for that whithout your knowledge and consent.

My girlfriend gave me a hand job and i came in my boxers (she is 16 and i am 14). so later on we kinda had sex, but i didnt go all the way in i only went in and out for like 3 seconds, and i didnt have protection and she knew it too. i was dry and didnt have any sperm on me i check before we did it but idk if it dried on my u kno what. so the next day she says i didnt get my period back and her sister did and she says she gets it back whenever her sister does. now she is saying i think im pregnant but i dont know if she is . and now she has me freeking out and im so worried that she is pregnant but the only sign of pregnancy she has is her period isnt back yet so please tell me what you think i need profesional advice thank you so much.

I just answered this one for ya!

My girlfriend gave me a hand job and i came in my boxers (she is 16 and i am 14). so later on we kinda had sex, but i didnt go all the way in i only went in and out for like 3 seconds, and i didnt have protection and she knew it too. i was dry and didnt have any sperm on me i check before we did it but idk if it dried on my u kno what. so the next day she says i didnt get my period back and her sister did and she says she gets it back whenever her sister does. now she is saying i think im pregnant but i dont know if she is . and now she has me freeking out and im so worried that she is pregnant but the only sign of pregnancy she has is her period isnt back yet so please tell me what you think i need profesional advice thank you so much.

First of all if I am understanding you correctly then she told you this the day after sex?? If this is true then there is NO WAY that she could be pregnant. A girl can only get pregnant approx 3-5 days a month when she ovulates, this happens approx. 2 weeks after the first day of her last period. Also at 15 her cycle is most likly going to be irregular even if it has been regular for the last year or so.

She usually gets her period at the same time as her sister because when women work together or live together the "alpha" female usually causes everyone elses cycle to be at the same time as her (weird I know), since they are probably both teens, both of their periods will prob. change throughout the next few years.

I would like to say that it is ALWAYS better to be safe and to stick to the rule of "no glove no love". 16 is way to young to be a daddy.

Hope this helps.

everytime i masturbate [which isn't often], I feel so much shame.

I'm 14 and I just feel like masturbation is wrong - yet I can't help it when I have hormones. What should I do? Should I keep masturbating and keep it a secret from my mom, or just stop because I feel ashamed?

Any person over the age of 16-17 who says they do not or have never masturbated are LYING!!! Every person on the face of the earth has tried it. It is not wrong it is totally normal. Look at it this way if it were wrong why would it feel so good and be so natural???

If you feel that your mom would not understand then you don't have to tell her, if you are in the privacy of your own room then it really is no one's business but your own. I would hope though that if you have a good relationship with your mom that you talk to her and be open and honest she would much rather be the one to talk to you about this then having someone else do the job for her!! Trust me I am a mom!

Hope this helps.

Is there a difference between orgasms when you the clitoris is stimulated than when the vagina gets penetrated? If so, what is the difference, and what is the difference in the feeling?

There is no difference. Some women cannot attain an orgasm with simple penetration and require other stimulation.

Hope this answers this question.

how old were you when you lost your virginity?? and were you married??

16 yrs. and no. I only got married at 30 and while the idea of waiting until marriage is a good one and in no way am I an advocate for multiple partners. However I relate my personality to that of someone in a candy store; I need to walk in and have a few samples before deciding what I want. Others (like my sister) walk in to the store and know exactly what they want and don't even try other options.

Whatever your decsion is make sure that it is the right one for you; when you are really ready there will be no question or doubt in your mind. Try and make it special and with someone who even if you don't stay with them you like and could be friends with.

I have a phobia of food poisoning and throwing up. I've already decided that the next time I throw up or ever get food poisoning, I will kill myself, and if that doesn't work out, I'll be anorexic to prevent food poisoning.

I already have a therapist, but she doesn't help with my phobia's. I've asked my mom to get me one that specializes in phobia's, but she chose this one to helpme with my depression (which I am over) and she won't get me a new one.

It's either give me a way to never throw up or get food poisoning, or I'll end up in a bad situation.

Ok First all what about vomiting/food poisoning frightens you so much? What is your therapist say when you bring this up? Does she just dismiss your fears, if so then you need to tell your therapist that she is less then useless and for her to tell your mom that she is not the therapist for you. If she refuses, telling your mom that you refuse to see her anymore due to her being not right for you.

There is no way to ensure that you never throw up or get food poisoning, but in 31 years I have never got food poisoning and can count on one hand the number of times I have thrown up. You need to deal with the phobia and not focus on the possibility so much.

If you want to discuss your phobia feel free to drop me a line and I will do my best to help give you suggestions to deal with your fear.

To start off, I apologize for my question being long, but I think it's necessary for you to know the history of this question so that you can fully try to help me. Thanks :)

The other day I had a tear-jerking conversation with my friend. I noticed scars and scabs on her wrists from cutting herself. I confronted her, and she broke down and confessed everything. Around springtime last year, she was sickeningly skinny. She honestly looked like a skeleton, or a concentration camp survivor. Then all of a sudden this year she gained a ton of weight, and now she looks healthy. She had reasons for being so skinny, (she's a vegan) but I always worried about her, but never confronted her until just now. She admitted to having been anorexic and only eating 500 calories a day. She's 5'6 and weighed 76 pounds. Now she says she doesn't weigh herself in pounds, only in kilos. She weighs 56. She says that the whole anorexic thing was never about being skinny (she naturally is thin) it was about being able to control her life, because her home life is very screwy. Her mom is a nutcase who is addicted to the internet and has a seperate family online. She says her mom hits her, not in a life threateningly way, but hard enough to leave bruises. Her dad recently lost his job, and her mom is waiting for him to get a new one so she can divorce him then make him pay. According to her, her parents never knew about her anorexia or depression. She told me she desperately wants help, but because of her family's financial situation, she's not sure if she can afford it. And on top of that,she tried commiting suicide once by taking a bunch of pills. Thankfully her plan failed, and she is still here. She says she's no longer suicidal or anorexic, but not yet healed. Cutting herself is a sure sign of that. I feel like a horrible friend because i wasn't there for her during this hard time. I've been sworn to secrecy, but for the safety of my friend I can't keep quiet. What should I do?

Worried in San Francisco

Hi worried, Well what I see is that your friend has substituted the controlling addictive behaviors that she had with anorexia to now cutting. As her friend I would suggest that you talk to your mom or another adult that you trust, they will know what to do. If this is not possible then below I have found the FREE clinic in Haight Ashbury that may be able to help her.

If you have any other questions please feel free.

http://www.hafci.org/

so if people agree and think that smoking is bad and alcoholism is bad why do people think that suicidal-minded rock bands and stuff like that push the limiting line of "individualism" is not bad and is just being individually unique? surely you cant say that child pornography is just uniqueness that someone has that you shouldn't try to take away someone from doing because you dont wanna interfere with their individualism? or alcohol addictions or smoking? so what makes the difference?

i just dont understand beccause ive had a number of friends whos fallen into the wrong paths (serious depression cutting themselves and suicidal attempts and one actually killed herself :() after being "emo" and the "misunderstood kid" who's always considered herself depressed. i dont mean to label but a general trend was they listened to songs about deaths 24/7 and stuff. theres no hard proof that emo bands and their intense promoting of "individualism" and "being yourself" beyond the line cause these things but then again, there's no scientific proof that child porn is bad, it just is... so why wouldnt anyone agree with me?

First of all there is scientific proof that child porn is bad, as a mental health professional I can give you numerous articles and studies that prove this. As for your question music does not make people do anything promoting individualism is actually a positive thing, it helps self esteem what the problem may be is that listening to songs about death and then hanging out with people who are also depressed creates a cycle of depression which makes a person feel worse and worse until there is no "light" at the end of the tunnel and they see no alternative but suicide or self-harm.

You can't group all emo music as bad, just like you can't judge all rap music gangsta, at the end of the day music and musicians can't make you do anything its a choice being an individual is a good thing, but how individual are you if you are following what a band or group of people tell you?

There is a different between stoping someone from harming themselves or others and between being an individual, a good example would be Hitler, he was trying to be an individual and extinguish all Jewish people but his individuality should not supercede that of others.

Hope this helps, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

i recently got a pregnancy test after beng 4 days late for my period and it came out negative its now gone another 6 days and that means im 10days late on my period could i be pregnant and are the tests ever wrong???please write bak and answer my questions luv me xxxxxxxxxx

Home pregnancy tests are often unreliable. The only test that is never wrong is the blood test you get at a doctors office. There are many other reasons not to get your period, but I would def. advice you to visit a clinic soon and find out for sure so that you have as many options as possible.

Good luck. Hope this helps

I have for some time tried to come up with a way that would be more effective in helping out kids (Middle school/High school age) seek help for things like depression or suicidal tendencies. I know that as of now, the said teenager would have to usually either tell a parent, or tell a school counselor. Having been in that situation myself, I know that it is very hard to do either.

Although I'm young, I've considered this a serious thing to devote my time to, either now, or when I'm older.

Are there any ways that any body can think of that would make help more accessible for teens? Anything you wish could have been done to help you if you were ever in that state of mind?

Setting up peer counselling works well. Also you cannot make a promise not to tell unless it is anonymous. Setting this up at your school will probably be really successful or you could contact a community center and do the same thing make sure that you attend some workshops around suicide and self harm before you start and make sure that anyone who helps you with this gets some training too. As much as you think you know there are a million things that would help you help others.

I think its awesome that you want to do this good luck if you have other questions about setting this up feel free to ask.

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