I am a female who has been through many things in life. I've made a few foolish choices; but have also made a few okay ones. I feel like hopefully the mistakes I've made or the experiences I've been through can help others avoid pain and/or heartache; so that's why I joined. I wished in life someone had shared their true experiences with me if they were similar and could help.
Most people telling me not to do something; had no idea what I was going through. It was like those y?, non-smoking commercials all over tv and you can tell the people behind them never picked up a cigarette or understand why you did. I've managed to quit; but the commercials still infuriate me.
So that's me. And, I'll try to help if I can.
Member Since: November 23, 2008
Answers: 30
Last Update: June 5, 2011
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My best friend last year went on a crazy diet, when she started she weighed 200 pounds. By the following year (April of this year) she weighed 70 and came close to sowing. Doctors estimated she would have only had 2 days to live if she didn't come in. Now, after she's been out of the hospital, she has gained a significant amount of weight. She told me there goal weight for her was 110-120. She probably weights around 150-155 now. She tells me how she eats all night and then when she starts she can't stop. I don't know if I should say something or just keep my mouth shut and let her gain more weight. Being underweight isn't healthy, but neither is being overweight. I think her monnisnjust happy she is eating. Her mom isn't very good with this stuff, especially since i'm the one that had to force her into the hospital. I just dot know What to do o say. Any advice is appreciated, thAnks. (link)
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Your friend sounds bulimic, I'm surprised a doctor hasn't diagnosed that yet, or maybe she just doesn't discuss it with you. In any event, she might be doing some serious damage to herself if she is binging and purging or begins to start purging. Right now it seems as though she is just binging, but I think there are some things going on that beneath the surface of her life, that you might not be aware of - possibly some childhood abuse and other issues.
Regardless, your friend has a serious mental issue, that is being ignored by her mother. Your friend is likely close to adulthood, and once she turns 18, it will be hard to get her the help she needs because she will have free will and independence.
There are 2 things that you can do right now. First approach her with your concerns, and offer to go with her to talk to a licensed state or school therapist. That therapist will point you guys in the right direction or help you right away with counseling. Please hold her hand with this, because she won't be motivated to complete the process without your help. You're really all she has.
If she refuses, then tell her that you are going to call Child Protective Services on her mother if she will not go, then see what she says or does. Don't give her more than 24 hours to think about it. If you give her a week or something, she might get her stuff and run away from home.
If she still does not cooperate, then cal CPS. Your friend is on a dangerous and highly suicidal path. Though I hate the idea of intervening when a person is competent, I feel that if once you have given her a chance to seek the proper help, and offered to go through it with her even, and she refuses. Then if she is a danger to herself or others, the police or court appointed doctors have to intervene. BUT PLEASE DON'T JUST DO THIS BEHIND HER BACK!!!
Give her a chance to make the responsible choices. IF she says no, TELL her that you're going to call CPS, if she doesn't make the responsible choice. IF SHE STILL DOESN'T or WON'T make the responsible choice, then call CPS.
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heyy i recently got a bf and my best friend is now acting all weird. i think its cos i have a bf now and she doesnt seem to like it or is jelous.
everytime i ask her to hang out she always blows me off by saying
"i dnt know i cant plan that far aheacd" or if i say "when can we hang out" she is always saying "i dno"
i try and i try and she just keeps being really cold towards me. i think she has given up. i dnt know what iv done.
she hasnt met my bf and thats becos he lives an hour away and i only see him a few nights a week so i have plenty of time to hang out with her.
im confused, wat should i do? i miss her. but she doesnt seem to care i just look stupid the more i try. help!! :( (link)
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Just let her know that you feel her slipping away, and that you don't know what you could have done. Let her know that you don't want to keep bothering her at this point, and that you'll always be there to hang out whenever she's ready. It sounds pretty certain that she's jealous, and unfortunately, even if she were to come back, if she is that jealous, she might not prove to be a true friend anymore anyway. You might just have to let her go. Unfortunately, things often get very weird with girls very fast once you start dating. It becomes very hard to find true friends the older you get. Watch out, she does have the potential to try and hook up with your boyfriends if you let her back in your life anyway, so she might have done you a favor by backing away.
If she comes back into your life in a healthy way, then you're lucky. But if not, don't stress. It's an unfortunate part of life. You might meet one or two more true friends in college or something. But after that point, it's virtually impossible, I'm afraid. It sounds bleak, but women are so competitive, and desperate as a whole, that they tend to put getting men above having good friends, and respecting their female friends, especially the older they get. I honestly wish that things would change, and that women would wake up and stop being this way, but it seems like a rampant plague of life.
This is from a 32 year old woman's personal experience. Stay alert in college for a good, loyal friend or two, and hang onto them if you find them.
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My friend's boyfriend broke up with her unexpectedly 2 1/2 months ago after a 10 year long live-in relationship. She is obviously heartbroken, shocked, confused, afraid, angry, etc. Here's the trouble... Several of our other girlfriends are giving her terrible advice (i.e. You should try to make him jealous. You should start dating immediately. You just need to go out and party. If you want him back, you have to compete with the girls he's seeing and fight for him.) It is obvious to me that he doesn't want to be back in this relationship. Her efforts to get his attention and make him jealous are only resulting in further disappointment for her. What can I do to help her let go? She is still totally clinging to hope and hasn't moved into the "acceptance" stage of the grieving process. She is turning 40 this year, and that is also a great fear for her. She feels she gave the best years of her life to him and that she'll never have true romance again.
I wish I had better advice for her than some of my other friends, but I don't. I try to encourage her to look ahead to a bright future, to make plans for a bright future, that she deserves a bright future, that she is capable of crafting a bright future, and that she is intelligent, strong, and loved and supported by many, many people.
She just keeps trying to compete with the new girls he's seeing, and she'll never come out on top because he doesn't want to be with her. How can I help her see that? I am tired of watching her set herself up for what is turning out to be continuous, extreme disappointment.
OMFG (link)
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I agree. You are an excellent friend to see the damage that all of this is doing to your friend. She's really lucky to have you.
Unfortunately, in life it seems there are only 2 ways to move on from a really hard relationship. To be in love with someone else or truly wanting to date other people or to be happy and fulfilled pursuing your interests in life. As a good friend; you can help her with the latter.
For a long time in my early 20's, I had problems meeting people when I was single and I read only the beginning of this book about intuition in love.
The first bit of advice it gave was to love yourself to the point where you're practically just dating yourself instead of waiting for some romantic interest to do it. Take yourself to dinner for your favorite food; take yourself to a movie. Take a class in something you're interested in.
I didn't even get to the end of the book before I met someone. Now; I'm not saying she's ready for a new relationship. But, the only real way for her to move on without a new guy is to have a serious and healthy romantic relationship with herself. After she's achieved that, if she wants; new men will come in a neverending stream.
But for right now; that should help her move on.
Also you may want to be frank with her that her guy won't come back by maybe using an example from your life of a guy's abandonment behavior so she doesn't feel like she's the only rejected person in the world. After 10 years, it's probably very hard for her and even your friends to grasp that he'll just move on. But, if you're sure his mind is made up; it's best she knows that you feel that way. It's important that you tell her in the best way possible so she doesn't feel like a loser; and that something like that has happened to you before if possible.
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I'm in 7th grade! Last year, I had a lot of friends. We kind of hung out in a group. There was this one girl named Kiara that we talked about. This year Kiara forgived me and we became friends. Then I lost all my friends and Kiara was still my friend. One day, something happened and i felt like Kiara betrayed me. She lost all her friends and I went back to my old friends that had been previously talking about me. Then I lost them again and Kiara felt like I used her and now I don't have any friends! What should I do at school when I am sitting there all alone with nobody to talk to and everyone else is with there friends talking and laughing? (link)
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It sounds like Kiara didn't realize that she'd done something to betray you and that she felt rejected when you went back to your old friends b/c it seemed like you had no reason. Try to talk to her in private and tell her how what she did made you feel. See what happens and if you guys can become friends again. The others don't sound like your friends. She possibly sounds like your truer friend. But, I don't have enough details to be sure.
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my friend is going with a guy she doesnt like.so why is she going with him?? the day they went out they took a couples picture for the yearbook. she says she doesnt want to break up with him because of the piture they took. she said that all the other couples that took the picture had been going out for like a year.i think she just doesnt want to look back at the pict and think o yeah thats the boy i went with for only a month or so cuz i guess most of her relationships have been pretty long. i told her you shouldnt go with somebody that you dont like. but she still doesnt know what she should do. what would you tell her if you where in my position? (link)
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I just think some people care about appearances. These people will always care about appearances, teen or adult. Now it could be true that she may be afraid of hurting him. That could be it. But, she may also just want to say that's my boyfriend so and so that I was with for so long. You just have to feel out your friend and her motivations. If all she cares about are appearances then the best thing to be concerned about is the person's feelings that she's with. If that person's emotions are getting destroyed in her game; then tell her to stop or tell that person what she's doing. But, your friend just sounds like either she cares about appearances or just doesn't want to hurt the person. You know best.
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i have this friend. She is so competitive. and she claims to be my best friend. So when i get something new, she has to get it, but in a better brand or more expensive to make me feel bad. example would be like; i just got a phone. a week later, she finally got a phone, but more expensive. then when i got a computer, she got one after, but in a better brand. I don't know why she does it but it is getting on my last nerve. Then when I come up with ideas, she steals them and make them into her own. for example. Our whole group of friends hasn't hung out in a while, and i was saying how it would be tight to have everyone get together at a sleep over and just chil. She went off and told all of them as if it were her idea. And it is so frustrating. She also tried to steal my boyfriend. I ended up having to brake up with him because of whole lotta drama. I have slowly separated myself from her. She asked me if we were still best friends, and I said no. And she was begging for best friend status. But I said no. And I have stopped telling her everything, and calling her. I just listen, because I will always be there for her, i have never betrayed her. I helped her lose weight, and told her when people were talking ish about her. But with all that, she repaid me with all that. I want to separate myself from her to the fullest. Do you guys have eny ideas? what do you think about the whole situation? (link)
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Yeah. The key in sentence in that whole thing is that; you helped her loose weight. A lot of times when people do cruel things to others is because they think that the person can take it for whatever crazy reason. They think that you're stronger or more whatever that you can deal with pain normal people can't. She also seems to think that you understand this need that she probably can't put into words b/c you were there throughout her metamorphasis. The best thing to do is cut her off. You can listen when she calls you on the phone. But, move on. She's only going to hurt you really bad. Any female friend that would try to steal your boyfriend past, present or future is not a friend. If you have to cut her off completely so be it.
She may also be trying to get you back for something you didn't realize that you did when she was heavier. All in all; her behavior sounds crazy and dangerous for your mental health.
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18, female.... please read this i will be so thankful. i will return the favor.
lets me start off by saying i do have some trust issues because of the past. right now i am going through some hard times, i know that but last night it made it so much worse. my best guy friend of about 4 years completely screwed me over and i feel like he doesn't even care. i love this kid to death, i mean i am in love with him. the past couple months we've been having problems. he's been with his girlfriend for a very long time, and she changed him. me and him aren't like we use to be. we use to hang out all the time. now i'm lucky if i get to see him at least once a month. well he's been trying to get me to have sex with him. i'm a virgin and i didn't want to lose it to someone who had a girlfriend obviously. it's like when you have an angel on one side and the devil on the other. part of my heart was knowing it was completely wrong and the other part really wanted me to do it with him. i wan't him to be happy, and i love the kid alot. he knows that and so they went on a break about three weeks ago. he then tried to tell me it was okay to do something with him and he kissed me but we didn't do anything else. i thought he lied to me about them being on a break and we had a big fight and i scared him, i know he didn't want to lose me but we talked it out and i was like just remember if you ever do lie to me and i find out it will take me a very very long time to get that trust back and he was like i know, but it won't ever happen. i knew it was time to try and get over him, i've told myself so many times but it's taking the biggest toll on me. well last night he decided to text me and asked what i was doing. and i was with my friends and he was like oh haha i'm not doing anything and i was like i know you're not sitting at home and he was like yeah i'm waiting to fuck you. and i was like um no, fuck your girlfriend... and he was like no you. and i was like well i heard you guys aren't on a break anymore and he was like well whoever said that, they're wrong because we still are. and i was like i don't know about that and he was like she even wrote me this long note saying that she doesn't want it to be like this and that she wants to be back with me but since i wan't to be on a break, she said it will have to be that way. and i was like i still can't do that and you know why. and he was like no why and i said because i know that if i do something with him they're going to get back together and i can't be in that situation and he was like what situation? and i was like just dealing with that whole thing and he was like what do you mean? and i straight up said, i'm not having sex with you, if you're going out with her, or even if you're on a break with her. and then i think that made him mad and he didn't say anything back. and so i texted him back and was like when am i going to see you again..and he was like i dont know? and i was like fine, and he didn't say anything back and a little bit later i was like come see me later and he didn't say anything back and i was hurt and confused. well my friend's neighbors with him and we had to be home at 10:30 for some reason and then i ended up leaving at like 12:30 and his "girlfriends" car was at his house. i was devastated. i knew what he was doing. he knew i was at her house and he probably wanted to make me mad. he knew i wasn't going to give anything to him so they probably got back together. well i was debating on whether or not to text him and of course i did and i said "you had your chance and you fucked up big time, i think it's kind of funny this time though because you know what i said about trusting you, i hope this is what you really wanted" and he didn't say anything back. i don't know what to do. i can't live without this kid but i'm sure as hell not texting or calling him again. maybe i did make a mistake by texting him, i feel like a psycho or something now. i feel like i'm always the one trying to fix everything with everyone and all i get in return is a broken heart. i don't want him out of my life but i don't see how he just doesn't say anything back. my friends don't understand. he is the only guy in my life right now, he IS my best guy friend. but his girlfriend messed everything up and now i feel like i have nothing. did i lose him forever? am i in the wrong? the past couple months i feel like he did just want to get with me but for three years we've been friends it never was like that. my friends think i can just drop him like nothing but they don't understand we have something special. when i'm fighting with him i can't sleep,i can't concentrate in school. what if he doesn't ever talk to me again though because he has his girlfriend. i know you probably think, he's not worth it. but it's not like me to just give up and move on. i hang out with my friends and everything but it doesn't keep my mind off him no matter what i try. it's like trying to forget your're first love, it's impossible. i can't let myself like any other guy because i'm scared of getting hurt like my best friend hurt me and they're nothing compared to him. i loved when he was on a break with his girlfriend, he always wanted to see me and now if they're back together i won't hear from him or see him. how can i get him back. please don't say he's a jerk, that i deserve better. he is what i want, even if i am just friends with him. but i feel like it's on him now... (link)
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Hey You:
First off. You're in love with this guy. When you don't want anyone else; that's how you know. But, unfortunately; he seems to be playing a game that a lot of high school guys play. 'Who's going to give me sex.' I read your whole post; and from everything you've said; unfortunately that seems to be his priority. There are quite a few high school guys that want love and companionship; but for many; their hormones take over and sex is all they want.
Now it seems that he could either feel one of 2 ways. He could prefer you over his girlfriend and want to be with you; or he could just realize that you love him and he could hook up with you if he and she were on a break and just get back with you. I honestly think it's the second b/c if he were really in love with you; he would've said me and her are over; I only want you. A break insinuates that they could get back together at any time and that there's still love there.
Now secondly, some guys interpret female behavior in a way that's a little off. Like for many guys; they express love through the physical. So they think if a girl is hanging out a lot and makes a lot of eye contact with them that they can sleep with her. This is often true, but they don't realize that the female will become emotionally attached. Many men express their emotions through sex and that's all, there need be nothing more.
They are not that emotionally attached to the sex in the way women are. Now as females; many of us have sex and we're ready to be committed for life. Some guys (and it sounds like your friend) can say; sex is just sex. He may also be realizing that he's not the monogamous type of guy. It sounds like; he's just playing right now. He knows that if he keeps her on a break; they can always hook up and if he says they're on a break he can possibly hook up with you and always manipulate you and make you jealous. He may also be trying to see if the relationship is better with you before he cuts her off completely.
He also sounds like a pretty boy. And if so he has a lot of options. And in high school is where he's going to realize this. The best thing to do is figure out what you want from a relationship with him. If it's love and monogamy then realize; if you sleep with him; he might not be able to provide that. He may be interested in that; but, you have to prepare for the worst case scenario. He honestly doesn't sound like the faithful type right now. The best way to find this out is to listen to him if you can. Just try to strike up your friendship again, no strings attached. Just say 'look. I know you like me. I like you too. I just want to hang out with you for a month before we do anything physical.' And one thing about people is that they always tell you who they are. 1 month is good. 3-6 months is best. A lot of times when people tell us who they are, we say things like 'oh you don't really believe that!' or 'you didn't do that!'
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN! DON'T QUESTION OR DISAGREE!
The reason I'm saying this to you and not 'dump him he's a jerk.' Is because I know you love him. I know what you're feeling. And I want to help you be together and in love with him forever; or just be able to move on. I know how what you're going through feels.
I don't know if astrologically you're a cancer female; but you definitely sound like you could be and if so, I am as well I have been down many emotional love roads and can help you even further out of this one. Just let me know.
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