Your friend really messed up. She put the chance to have apparently meaningless sex with YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND ahead of your friendship with her. Instead of apoligizing and letting the guilt get a hold of her, she gives you a lame explanation like, "I'm a ho, if someone wants to hit this I let them." !!! Did she really think thats all she had to say? That your feelings weren't even worth a heartfelt discussion? I mean, you broke up, he wasn't your property, and yeah, there's the code of girls, friends, decent human beings that you don't go after your friends exes, at least until all wounds are healed, you know, but things do happen. I understand that. I also understand that once they're done, they're "in the past" and you "can't undo them". I can't believe she patronized you even further by saying that! And tries to excuse her behavior by saying "its in my blood." What?!?! Shock and awe. Where's her self-respect? Is there a possibility that he was all she was after the whole time? That she used your friendship to get next to him? If so, I wouldn't have anything further to do with her. If not, tell her you want to talk about what happened. Don't let her blow you off with all her "I'm a ho, I'm a ho, I can't stop whats in my blood" idiocy. Tell her it hurt you to think she could betray your trust like that for a one night stand. And that it hurts even more that she could just shrug it off. Tell her you're angry. You might even not want to hang out with her for a while, because you probably need the time to be upset. Things happen, maybe they'll get together again, and you'll have to stand by and watch, but friends don't ignore each other's feelings. They at least have enough respect for each other to talk and be there for one another.
She's in the state of mind that she can do whatever she wants, hurt whoever she wants, and that everyone should understand and feel sorry for her because "its in her blood" and its excused. As if she has no control. Thats crazy. You can rise above what you're expected to be, and become more, better. She's not strong and has no pride in herself (sounds cliched out, but really sucks when you think about it). So yeah, you can feel sorry for her, I know I do, but you do not have to understand or accept her behavior. Hope it works out for the best.

Peace,
Shade

I don't know how close you and this "friend" are or used to be, I think it really might depend on that. Personally, I wouldn't want a friend who would treat me the way he has been treating you (like a bum), especially after the EXTREME kindness you showed him when the situation was reversed years ago. I think you're right, in that he should have absoloutely paid you back as soon as he could. But just because he didn't and showed his true colors more recently with all his nasty behavior, that doesn't mean you go back on your principles. I'd pay him back. After all, you borrowed it with the intention of paying him back and you probably wouldn't have just taken it then, right? No, because you're not him. He's a taker. And a jerk.
After I paid him back, I wouldn't have anything to do with him ever again. I wouldn't even accept an apology if it didn't come with over 1,000 dollars, either.


Shade

The first thing you need to do is re-discuss the whole situation with your best friend. It should not be "Let the best whore win". Not because you affectionatley refer to one another as "whores", but because its not about who's "the best". If you leave it at that and the new boy does decide to see one of you, the other will feel inferior. You or she could feel like the reason he chose the other was because she was prettier, more fun, or nicer, when really, it could just be, as with you, that you have more in common, or that you get along better.
Keep in mind that the boy and your best friend see each other almost everyday, and are already closer, making it more convienient for them to have a relationship. That said, it might also let your best friend think that if the new boy had to choose between the two of you, he'd choose her. If he ended up choosing you, she'd not only be heartbroken, but would probably feel a little betrayed(I bet she thinks she and the new boy are throwing hints at each other, too). There could be a lot going on with them that you don't know about. It sort of reminds me of the lame reality show "The Bachelor" (which I'm admitting I watched last season for your benefit only!!!). It was down to Sarah and Muwana. The bachelor in Paris had spent lots of time with the both of them, getting to know them, sometimes intimately, laughing together. Both girls thought they were the one he'd choose because they'd shared so much with each other, they'd gotten so close, and when he ultimately chose Sarah, Muwana was destroyed. And angry. You or your best friend could end up feeling this way.
Meanwhile, its going to start being uncomfortable to hang out with the both of them when you feel like you and your best friend are competing. Its going to make you mad when you see her flirting with him and vice versa. On top of that, he's going to pick up on the tension between the two of you, and he might get tired of it and not want anything to do with either of you.
One more thing, if he chooses you, she'll probably be jealous and might intentionally or unintentionally start saying mean things about you to her best friend the new boy. You know, just to "protect him". Because she "doesn't want to see him to get hurt".
This is such a difficult, emotional situation. I say back off the guy, even though its hard. Give this thing time. Let all three of your hormones calm down. With time, she might decide she could never really like him that way. Or maybe you will. Let him start seeing her if he wants. You don't have to encourage it or anything, but think hard about this. How long have you had your best friend? This will put a strain on you two and you may not ever be able to get back what you once had.
If you think you might miss out on the guy of a lifetime and don't care if you have to sacrifice your best friend, just be cool. Be cool around him, have fun, if she starts getting competitive, don't take the bait. She'll knock herself out of the running if she starts becoming possessive and weird.

Shade

People are ignorant. I don't know why they (especially boys) joke like that about rape. Sadly, its not the only serious issue that gets the occassional, inappropriate chuckle. I've never been raped, therefore, I DO NOT understand how you feel. Neither do A, M, or B. They just couldn't and you know that. M and B are nievely assuming that rape hasn't happened to anyone they know, and that there is no possible way they could be offending anyone by saying those things. "A" thinks you reacted the way you did because you wanted attention. Maybe you do, honey. Thats okay. I think you need attention. Something awful happened to you and you can't hide it and pretend like it didn't. You need to talk to someone about it. If you're parents don't know, they should. Whether or not it was someone you knew, a complete stranger in an alley, or you were just drunk at a party, if you said no, it was rape. Your parents love you and you'll feel loads better if you tell them. "A" might eventually tell her parents, who'll tell your parents anyway, so just tell them. You need to be checked out by a doctor, of course. I'm sure its eating you up inside and I know you want to handle it and move on, but you're not going to be able to by trying to forget and then lashing out at people who don't understand. Its not something you should be ashamed of. Telling your story might help other girls like you. Speaking out puts you above what happened, it keeps what happened from pulling you down. If you've never read the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, pick it up. Your school or local library should have it. Be strong and help yourself so others can help you.

Shade

You are not being selfish. Thats not the right word for it.
When I was in 8th grade, Randi was my absolute best friend. We hung out at school all day and we lived right down the road from one another, so if one of us didn't go to the other one's house, we would call each other every night. Just to talk about boys we liked and every individual thing that happened to us throughout the day. We told each other our deepest, darkest secrets. We were sister friends.Then, we started high school and didn't have any classes together. We still talked after school, but she got busy with sports and wasn't home a lot. Then one day, I realized she'd just dropped me. She'd started hanging out with girls from the volleyball team and stopped calling me. I found out she'd told some of my secrets. It hurt because I had become dependent upon her. I needed to be able to call her everyday and tell her what happened with this guy, that teacher, or my Mom, and get her advice. I didn't think I could trust anyone like I'd trusted her. I didn't think I'd ever have another friend like her.
The thing is, even the closest of friends grow apart. I had more close friends, that were more like me and I never let myself lean so hard on them. Randi and I eventually started hanging out again, but we were never as close as we were in 8th grade. She'd become this Jessica Simpson dumb blonde and I couldn't be around it, it made me too nauseous.
Don't call your friend again. If she doesn't call you back, just let your friendship with her go. It was great while it lasted, now, you've grown apart. Maybe she'll call every few months or so to see how you're doing and you'll catch up and then, because you kept in semi-touch you can be better friends again later in life. But you have other friends, right? Keep in mind that no one has to immediately take her place. If you need someone to confide in, but don't quite trust your other friends enough yet, try keeping a journal. They've gotten me through a lot. I still keep them, though mine are half writing/half art.
Try to be more sure of yourself and the things you like to do and make you happy. She wasn't your backbone. Be your own best friend for awhile.

Shade

I think it all depends on how much you care about your relationship with K. This is going to hurt her. Regardless of whether or not you talk to her about it first. She's probably still carrying a torch for G, the guy that broke her heart, and when she finds out about this, she'll know she shouldn't be upset, that she doesn't really have a right to be upset, but she will be. She'll be jealous and she'll feel left out. If you don't care about any of that, then I say go. Have an absolute blast.

Hi, I'm Shade. I'm an artist, living in sin in a small town, hopping from job to job, and recieving no support from my family. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I was 18. I've suffered through many, many, many bouts of depression, panic attacks and just plain fun ole' anxiety. Since I left my Mom's house years ago, I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of strange, horrible, and beautiful individuals. I've learned a lot about people in general and I'd have to say I'm a good judge of character.
As mentioned earlier, I'm "the artist currently known as starving". I do some oil and watercolor, but mostly acrylic painting, also some clay and metal sculpture. I appreciate all kinds of art and love to talk about it. I like to read, mostly twisted, weird fiction or memoirs about drugs and the fellow insane. I love all types of music, mostly rock, and doing anything outdoors, all my animals, horror movies, and mexican food...I drive an old, crappy, loud car that embarasses me and I just left my job at the art gallery, so as of right now, I am unemployed, livin' off my man.

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