I am a 20 year old female, and I am a great listener. My friends always come to me for advice, and you can too. Ask me whatever you want, I will be happy to try to help you with ANY problem or dilemna. I will do my best to give you a great answer. Whatever you ask, I will never judge or make fun of you - I will be honest and respectful with you, telling you my advice with a kind and rational answer. I have traveled all over, had many unique opportunities and experiences, and have great friends from many different places all over the world. All the traveling has taught me a lot about different kinds of people and I have gained a lot of insight and perspective throughout it all. I'd like to think that some of what I have learned will be helpful to other people, and that I can offer advice that takes into account all that I have come across in my 20 years, both from my experiences and the experiences of those around me. I was also an elite athlete, so I have some experience in fitness/training/health questions as well. Thanks for visiting my column! Have a fantastic day!!
Gender: Female
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Age: 20
Member Since: March 5, 2005
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karenR
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Hi! well oookay..i have a problem. I have alot of friends in school..mostly "girl friends" lol and tonight me and my mom and dad had a talk and they are like dont you have a boyfriend or any "boy friends" and i was like umm..and they are like why dont you hang out with any of them? and i was like because you wouldnt let me and they are like have you ever asked and i said no because i was afraid and my dad was like i would let you go out with a boy out to dinner or something. and my mom goes what happened to you? you use to have a lot of friends and hangout with a lot of people and this year you are like a nerd. just to let you know im a sophomore and im 15 turning 16! but this made me really..kinda depressed. i would LOVE to hangout with guys..but the thing is im soo shy and not outgoing at all. and either are the people i hangout with. just to tell you..im the most outgoing out of all of us and im SO SHY around boys..well some of them. i just really want more guy friends..its hard for me tho.. =[ my parents really like caught me off guard with this. and they are always talking about me "having no friends" i mean one of my best friends is my cousin and then i have another best friend and the one other friend i sometimes hangout with. thats it..i mean like i said i talk to alot of girls in school..we just never hangout..we say we should but it never happens..and the boy thing is also bothering me. what can i do? ive tried so many times to boost up my confidence and be more outgoing..its just not me i guess..
i will rate high for anyone who answers!
thanks. (link)
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Hi,
From reading your question, I got the impression that you are friendly but just shy around people you don't know that well, or people that you aren't comfortable with yet. That's not uncommon at all, I am actually pretty reserved until I get to know someone and trust them. It's great that you have a group of close girl friends, but its a really good thing to be well rounded, and hang out with different types of people as well, including guys. I think you'll find that if you start hanging out with guy friends, they are sometimes easier to get along with than girls! Now, please don't misunderstand this at all - I am NOT saying to find new friends, or stop hanging out with your current best friends... friendships are something to cherish and hang out to, so don't neglect your current posse of girls. But, since you said you talk with alot of other girls at school but you don't hang out with them, I suggest that you slowly start expanding your social group by hanging out with some of them. I would probably start talking more to a nice girl who seems to have a fairly equal amount of guy friends as girl friends. When you talk to her, maybe throw into the conversation, 'So, what are you doing this weekend?' If she tells you her plans for the weekend, maybe ask her if you could join her. Chances are, it will be a mixed group of guys and girls and you can start getting comfortable and less shy around boys while meeting new friends at the same time. Also, to overcome your shyness around boys, just remember, they're only people too!! They are just as self conscious around girls as girls are around them. Start with little things that are outside your comfort zone, like maybe ask a boy as you are walking out of class, 'Do you know what page the homework is on?' or something else easy like that. In school, whenever you're about to ask a girl something that could just as easily be answered by a guy, like something involving homework, or a class, or to borrow a pencil, try to make yourself ask a boy instead. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect! And as you get comfortable with those little gestures and converstations, it will start to feel more normal to talk to and be around guys! And remember, always smile... because even if you aren't confident about what you're doing, putting a smile on your face will help you feel more comfortable and will let others know you are friendly and easy to talk to! Don't worry about it, it will just take time, and try not to stress about what your parents said, because they only want what is best for you. Another idea is to join a club or group at school that includes both boys and girls to meet some new people and that will put you in an environment where it isn't awkward to strike up a conversation since you already have something in common (the club or group!). Well, good luck, and feel free to leave a message in my inbox if you need anything else!
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My friend, lets call her L, is a pretty good friend most of the time. But if I get a good grade or a good grade point average that is better than hers, even if hers is good too, she takes it out on me and ignores me for the rest of the day. She did it once in the morning, and in the afternoon!!! Now she is mad at me!!!!!! What should I do, I'll rate EVERYONE who is not rude!!!!
~Amanda
PS: I've asked you for advice b4 and it was awesome, so please help!!!!!! (link)
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Hi Amanda! I had this problem once before, too. More than likely, your friend is just really insecure, and when you do better than she does, it only makes her feel worse, so she takes it out on you. What she is doing is unfair, because it is not your fault at all, and it is not like you are getting good grades with the sole purpose of making her feel inferior. This is what I would suggest...try to avoid telling her what grade you got. When you get papers passed back in class, or whatever, quickly put yours away, and be vague about your score. Something like, 'Oh, I did ok...' will work just fine. Don't be blatantly secretive, but just be vague. That way, she doesn't have a chance to compare her grade to yours. If she insists upon knowing, or still compares herself to you and gets mad, try having an honest talk with her. If she is usually is a good friend, hopefully she will understand. Talk to her when you are away from school, and when she is not mad at you. Maybe say something like, 'You know, lately I've been noticing that you get mad at me if I get a better grade than you, and you really mean alot to me as a friend, and it makes me sad when you're upset with me. What's wrong? You get good grades too, I really don't see why you get mad... is there anything you want to talk about or tell me?' Another good thing to tell her is how much you value your friendship, and you don't want anything to get in the way of you two being friends. Explain this to her simply, and nicely, and hopefully she'll open up about what's bothering her. Maybe she's having problems at home and is taking it out on the wrong thing. Anyways, whatever you do, don't slack off on getting good grades just to keep her from getting mad. It's not worth it. Keep getting your good grades, and with time your friend will come around. Good luck, I hope this helped a little bit. Keep me updated!
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okay this question is for my friend who can't ask it so i am doing it for her. well her best friend just recently died at age 12. and she wants to go to her funeral and wants me to go with her but her mom won't let her go because its during school and she thinks she will get all emotional but she really wants to go so she can say bye and she wants me to go with her so she has a shoulder to cry on if she needs one. does anyone know how she can get her mom to change her mind and let her go to her best friends funeral? please help. (link)
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Okay, it is really important for your friend to get to this funeral. It is an important part of the grieving process, and she should really be there. Her mom needs to understand how hard this is for her, and to let her go. Holding her back from the funeral is only going to make her grief worse, I think she should at least be allowed to attend and say goodbye. Explain the situation to your parents, and ask them if they could talk to your friends parents. If her mom doesn't want to drive her, maybe your parents could drive you both there. As for having to miss school, it is really irrelevant, this is much more important. I hope this helped, good luck. Give your friend a hug from me, I'm sorry to hear about her best friend's death. It's too bad she had to go at such a young age, that must be very hard to lose a friend so young. Hang in there, and do your best to be supportive for your friend during this sad and emotional time. Feel free to leave me a message if you ever need to talk.
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i have a really good friend, since pre-k -3rd. then we both moved in opposite directions. we try to keep in touch but it is really hard. n i feel like we r drifting apart. i really can stand it. its like we dont share anything anymore!!!!!! what should i do. i really dont want to move on!!!
PS: i m a 13/f
~A*m*a*n*d*a~ (link)
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Hi Amanda. I know, it's really tough when it feels like you and a friend are not as close as you used to be. Moving on is a part of life, and it is normal to start hanging around with new people, but I understand your need to still be friends with this other girl. I'm glad you are such a dedicated friend. Make an effort to just to talk to her at least once a week. Do you both have internet access? Start emailing back and forth. It's so much easier to keep in contact with people now that you can use email, instant messenger...it's really is a great way to stay friends. Even though you moved in opposite directions, and since you are only 13, you can't drive yet, try and make an effort to get together every once in awhile. I'm sure she misses hanging out with you as much as you miss sharing things with her, so plan a little trip to the mall, or even better, have a girls' night sleepover. Stay up all night and just catch up and talk. That is sure to bring you guys closer, and gives you a chance to spend some quality time together. Really, though, just make the effort to call her, email her, or even send her a cute little 'just to say hi' cards in the mail. Tell her, (or write to her) that you feel like you are drifting apart, and you value her too much as a friend to let it continue, and just tell her you want to spend some more time together. Chances are, she will want to get your friendship back on track as well. Good luck, I hope this answered your question... inbox me if you ever need something else or someone to talk to!
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My friend(let's call her susan) hates herself. She posted on her blog that she was ugly, stupid, talentless, worthless, and a B****. On another site she said that she was ugly, stupid and had no friends. She had a cat scratch on her arm on said that it was a papercut to make people think she cut herself. She writes in her workbooks and notebooks things like I am stupid, or I hate me. I don't know what to do. She is also really skinny and brings gushers for lunch and says she is full. Oh and it is a relationship question: age: 12 gender: female (link)
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You sound like a great friend, I am glad you are concerned about her. Here is what I would do...First of all, don't confront her yet about what you are thinking. Instead, try helping her to build her self-esteem first. It really seems like she has no confidence and dangerously low self-esteem. Maybe she is not getting enough attention at home, or feels like she doesn't have as many friends as everyone else, I'm not really sure of the cause. But anyways, next time you hear her say that she thinks she is ugly, sincerely reassure her that you think she is pretty, and that she is a beautiful person, inside and out. Tell her it really upsets you that she is so hard on herself, and ask her why she can't see the same beautiful and awesome person in herself that everyone else sees in her. Make a point to include her in everything, because maybe she is also feeling left out for some reason. When you are with her, try and make her feel good about herself, you could try possibly having a girls' night sleepover, and do makeovers or something. There is a perfect opporunity to tell her over and over again how pretty she is, and compliment her best features, like this, 'You know, I really wish I had eyes like yours, you're so lucky - they really are pretty!' Even simple things like this, if said enough, might be enough to slowly start raising her confidence and cancel out some of those negative things that she is always thinking. Also, when you catch her saying something really self-degrading and negative, go give her a quick hug, and say, 'You know thats not true, and anyways, I love you no matter what.' See how all of this goes for a couple weeks, and see if there is any progress. It may take time if she has gone for a long time thinking that she really is worthless. And if she is doing it for attention, well give her attention for a little while, and she won't feel the need to constantly criticize herself to get that attention. Give her more attention when she does something positive than negative, and she might finally realize that bringing herself down is not a way to get noticed. I hope this helped a little bit, keep me posted on how it goes! Good luck, and give your friend an extra hug from me!
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hey guys! i need some cute ideas on how to ask a guy to the sadies dance. its when the girl asks the guy and they wear clothes that match eachother. just in case ya didnt know. anything BESIDES decorating there car, and there bedroom.. something random and cute. (link)
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What about having a bouquet of floweres delivered to him in class with a note on them? Or maybe decorate his locker at school. At my school, girls just ask the guy to Sadies, but it seems like they get a little more creative at your school. Here's a few more ideas:
-Have it announced over the loudspeaker at school
-Does he play sports? Fill his sports bag or sports locker at school with candy and a note.
-Make him work for his date! Lead him on a scavenger hunt. Start with a note in his locker, that has a clue on it that leads him to the next one. Leave candy or some other little gift with each clue. Make the clues eventually lead to you, holding a sign asking him out.
-Do you have a picture of the two of you together? Put it in a cute frame and put it in his locker, or in him room, wherever. Attach a note that says "Don't we look cute together? Let's go to Sadies!" If you don't have a pic with him, get a pic of him, and cut out a pic of you and put them together as best as you can. It will still have the same effect.
I like the idea of decorating something, but if that is something that is way over-done at your school, try something a little more subtle, like the bouquet of floweres, or maybe a cute basket of his favorite cookies. It's a sweet gesture, and what guy can refuse cookies? :-)
And altought they probably will never admit it, most guys thinks its adorable to recieve flowers. Try something cutesy, like daisies, I wouldn't go with roses, they are too serious for this particular situation. Hope that helped, good luck! If you get a chance, let me know how it goes!
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Okay me and this guy have been friends for this whole school year and we've been pretty tight. I really like him but I'm not sure he feels the same. He smiles at me a lot, we talk in class all the time. And he used to never talk to me at my locker, but now he does. He gives me back rubs in class and I don't know what to do. How can I talk to him and let him know how I feel without wreckin' our friendship? (link)
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It definately sounds like he likes you as more than a friend. I think you should tell him how you feel, just take the chance. More likely than not, he will say he feels the same. Find a time when you can talk to him in private, then go for it. Tell him how much you value him as a friend, and that you never want to lose him as a friend. Then admit to him that lately you've been have feelings for him as more than a friend. Ask him if he feels the same way. Honesty is always the best policy, just be upfront about it. Good luck, hope everything works out.
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