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My friend hates herself
My friend(let's call her susan) hates herself. She posted on her blog that she was ugly, stupid, talentless, worthless, and a B****. On another site she said that she was ugly, stupid and had no friends. She had a cat scratch on her arm on said that it was a papercut to make people think she cut herself. She writes in her workbooks and notebooks things like I am stupid, or I hate me. I don't know what to do. She is also really skinny and brings gushers for lunch and says she is full. Oh and it is a relationship question: age: 12 gender: female
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You sound like a great friend, I am glad you are concerned about her. Here is what I would do...First of all, don't confront her yet about what you are thinking. Instead, try helping her to build her self-esteem first. It really seems like she has no confidence and dangerously low self-esteem. Maybe she is not getting enough attention at home, or feels like she doesn't have as many friends as everyone else, I'm not really sure of the cause. But anyways, next time you hear her say that she thinks she is ugly, sincerely reassure her that you think she is pretty, and that she is a beautiful person, inside and out. Tell her it really upsets you that she is so hard on herself, and ask her why she can't see the same beautiful and awesome person in herself that everyone else sees in her. Make a point to include her in everything, because maybe she is also feeling left out for some reason. When you are with her, try and make her feel good about herself, you could try possibly having a girls' night sleepover, and do makeovers or something. There is a perfect opporunity to tell her over and over again how pretty she is, and compliment her best features, like this, 'You know, I really wish I had eyes like yours, you're so lucky - they really are pretty!' Even simple things like this, if said enough, might be enough to slowly start raising her confidence and cancel out some of those negative things that she is always thinking. Also, when you catch her saying something really self-degrading and negative, go give her a quick hug, and say, 'You know thats not true, and anyways, I love you no matter what.' See how all of this goes for a couple weeks, and see if there is any progress. It may take time if she has gone for a long time thinking that she really is worthless. And if she is doing it for attention, well give her attention for a little while, and she won't feel the need to constantly criticize herself to get that attention. Give her more attention when she does something positive than negative, and she might finally realize that bringing herself down is not a way to get noticed. I hope this helped a little bit, keep me posted on how it goes! Good luck, and give your friend an extra hug from me!
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