8ibah04's advice column | 8ibah04's Advice About Friendship

ask8ibah04

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: okay me and my mom just had a conversation about me having sex for the first time. she started crying and was upset that i had lost it so young. but we have such a good reltionship that it doesnt feel like it could affect us at all. shes been acting really close to me now but im kind of afraid she'll hold it against me. do you think she will?

I highly doubt that, she was just upset for the moment because she probably felt, like most mothers feel about their children wether boy or girl but mostly girls losing their virginity especially at a young age. She probably felt that you should've come to her to express your feelings or intentions, but her most concern was that the person you were with was gentle and nice and wasnt pushy or made you do it , and mostly hoped that you used protection to prevent diseases or pregnancy. But I doubt she'll hold it to you, and if anything she probably feels closer to you because she feels that if you did use protections and if you did do it because you wanted to, and you were comfortable, that you truly bloomed into a mateur adult, and that probably gives her great joy and makes her proud that she raised you into the person you are.

Q: Well lets see there this boy that i liked last year and well i still like him. But lets go to the past for a minute well i liked this boy and one of my friends she has a class with him and she ask me if she can talk to him for me. And i said yea. So she be talking to him for me and trying to get me hooked up with him and stuff. So then this is were it comes to the present well i just found out from another of one of my friends that the boy i like wanna her to hook them up together and i ask who was it and she wouldnt tell me. So then thats when i found out that the person who wanna hook up with him was the friend that tried to hook me up with him last year. And so both of my friends were going behind my back with this. And they thought i didnt know about it but i actually do know all about it and they are trying to keeo it a secret. And in my case i think it is wrong because they both knew i like him and be trying to get with him for as long as i can remeber.And to make it less compucated (these are not real names) but the friend that tried hooking me up with him is kate and now she likes him and asking another one of my friends to hook them up together which name is melissa. And melissa also knows i like him. So tell me what you think. IS this wrong for them to do this to me or is it just me.

HECK NO! There in the wrong. The same thing happedn to me and one of my friends. And well I didnt speak to her for the whole school year, not b/c I was being a bitch, but becuase she needed to know that she was in the wrong and had lost a good friend. On the part of the boy he ended up being her boyfriend for some time, but was still trying to get with me behind her back, and even though I really liked him and wanted for her to feel how I felt about the situation, I just told him I didnt like him when it was a lie. So I was being the bigger person. But now we talk sometimes but I've kept that whole "friendship" thing to a minimum because I had found it in myself to forgive her but I havent and will never forget, so I think that maybe it'll be strenghening to you if you confront these thousands of girls trying to get with him lol! but seriously you should confront your friends about the situation, after that the feelings that you have left would probably determine how you'll handle it and the boy. goo luck!

Q: Well, if you read my other questions, you know me and my "bestfriend" both 'like' the same guy, although i don't think she ilkes him. .. but whatever.
So now she's being a complete witch(if you know what i mean) to me. And she doesn't think so. But i know so, everyone says she treats me bad, but she thinks opposite, that I treat her bad.
We've been bestfriends since second grade, and I don't want that to end. But i don't know if i can handle how rude and witchy* she's been to me. I tell her about it, but all she does is 'backfire' it, and say it back to me. HELP! What should i do ? :/

Me and my "friend" quote on quote had that same issue, we were besties from first grade to fourth but she was the backstabbing type, she lied on me, she betrayed me, and thought she was overally better than me, and just last year she decided she wanted to like the boy that I was seeing, so I went on and let her have him, cuz I was hearing rumors of him liking her, but it turns out he was still having feelings for me and trying to get back with me, and she knew it too. But what I do now is just I acknowledge her say hi whatever and dont attach myself to her like I use to. I call her my friend and she calls me her bestie, and I forgave her but I didnt forget. So what Im asically saying is you dont have to stop being her friend, just pull yourself away from her a bit. And she'll realize her mistakes, and at the same time if you did do anything you should realize yours and move on.

Q: I'm losing all my friends because im annoying and the im always being a beep all the time how can i get my friends back or get new ones

P.S. almost everyone teases me cuase im short could u give me combacks to the teasing to

Well if you know that your losing friends becasue you a bit annoying or bitchy whatev then just make a change, but you also have to make sure your not just making this change for others, and your making for yourself only.

As far as the teasing about being short, I cant really help ya on that, cause everyone tells me Im tall (5'3) but if something goes on at school, and I want to make a point about it or something, then I'll go to a website like myhotcomments.com and find a comment that could help me with they situation, then I send it to my friends on there myspace. Its pretty much being creative, and showing that I was the one who got the last laugh LOL! good luck though! ;)

Q: Okay so first let me explain. I have two great friends, and we've been practically sisters and i know they always will be. Lets call my great friends, Lisa and Sue. There is another girl group at our school as well. They have some pretty mean girls in their group, but two of them are just ok (not very nice though). Lets call the ok girls Pam and Janice. Now, Pam has spread some pretty harsh rumors about Lisa, but Lisa says they've worked it out. However Pam still occasionally says some mean things about Lisa behind her back. Now Lisa, Sue, and I have always been civil to this other group, in fact Lisa, Sue, Janice, and Pam were all on the same XC team. they have all these inside jokes that they wont tell me and Sue even invited Pam and Janice over to make cookies and stuff. Lisa and Sue still tell me that they are just being nice, but now they seem to be really becoming friends. I know that Lisa and Sue would never ditch me, and that we would always have the better friendship, but i want to tell Lisa and Sue how this new behavior has been hurting a bit. Like Sue and Pam have things in their IM infos that talk about their cookie party or whatever. I feel left out, and i want to tell Lisa and Sue how i feel but i am scared they will think i am being ridiculous because even i know they would never ditch me. all i want to say is that i feel left out. should i just let the inside jokes slide and get over it or should i tell them how i feel, if so what should i say???

To be honest you should let them go ahead and make their firends and you should also add some new friends to the group. Im not saying completely rid away from Lisa and Sue but make some more friends, that way you dont feel left out. I think Lisa and Sue seeing you with some other friends would probably make them more closer to you, because they'll prbably get the picture of how your feeling right now.

Q: I have this friend who never leaves me alone. We went on vacation together over the summer and her family is pretty awesome. Well anyways its months later and she doesn't get the idea i need space. I don't want to be mean and tell her off because that would seem like i'm a complete bitch and was using her to go on a vacation.
Most of my friends can't stand her and shes very full of herself and likes to point out flaws on me sometimes. It gets annoying, she never stops talking about the same thing over and over. Lately she hasn't stopped talking about drugs and getting high which has gotten on my nerves. I tell her to shut up and i don't care about that and it doesn't interest me. But she doesn't stop.
Recently she tried to set me up with this guy friend of hers whose in 8th grade and i'm in 11th and i dunno if i should take that offensively or not.
She has also been a bother with lunch and everyone wants me to make her leave our table because she wasn't there the first week of school and now there isn't enough space for the orignal ones of us who sat there. I recently found out she is bi, i am too but shes really clingy doesn't leave me alone and happens to be everywhere i am and like pays attention to every detail about me which gets kinda creepy. Anyways yeah i dunno what to do without seeming like a bitch or making a huge scene or loss of our friendship. Any ideas?

Well first idea of her, maybe she likes you, maybe she has gone through the same things she's putting you through or most obviously maybe shes jealous, because just becasue shes always outting you down on your flawa, makes that a visible flaw of hers, what you should do is be honest with her and tell her how you, feel, while doing that reflect your true feelings of it to her, this could cause her to open up to you and tell you why she acts the way she does. I hope it goes well. GOOD LUCK!

Q: Hi everyone! Well, I'm fourteen, and to pathetically sum it up, I've never dated, and/or gone on a date before. Alright, so I know the subject for my question (My Immature freind is bugging the CRAP outta me!!!!!) was really immature as well, but Any way, I have a freind named "Z". (Who's a boy by the way, this info is important later on in the story.) We really aren't all THAT close as me and some of my BFF's, but he's pretty high in rank. Well, I'm a christian, and I go to a youth group meeting every Thursday night and he goes too. A lot of the times, he brings one of my close friends "A" there with him as well, as they are friends too. Well, I had found out a few weeks ago that Z likes me from one of my best friends. Well, I will show up for youth group and of course, he minorly "flirts" with me. Like, laughing at jokes he normally wouldn't laugh at, making funny faces at me across the room, like the kind of kid flirting. That part I don't mind at all. Really, it's "A" that really gets me ticked off. She mostly comes to youth group because I'm there, so she folows me around all night. So, she's there when Z "flirts" with me. She does the "Awwwwww!" Or the kind of kindergarden taunting thing, "Z loves Rachel! Z loves Rachel!" It embarasses Z really badly, but he never denies it, or sometimes goes "So...?", or ignores her/ pretends not to hear. But the point is, I don't get why she can't just SHUT UP about it ya know? But, I always keep my negitive feelings hidden from friends, so I just go "A shut up!" jokingly. I don't get why she can't just leave me and him alone. It bugs me SOOO much I just wanna scream when shes near! It seems i've developed some sort of a twitch from that. xDDD But thats not all, she does. She teases me, literally, TEASES me and him about it. In front of the youth group too! This whole thing between me and Z is kind of new to us so we kind of want it on the down low. But A wont take a hint. I may be over reacting or something, but I want her o CUT IT OUT!! Please help! Thanks! :)

I think that your friend is just, trying to be supportive in pushing you and the boi together, because my friendz use to do that all the time, but I would just ignore them. If she is really bothering you to the point where you cant take it anymore, tell her how you feel

bio

Im 16, and I guess Im into advice columns. I like giving advice, because I like helping others, especially those who may have the same issues they need help on that I have. I'm always looking for advice websites, because, to be honest advice columns are fun! ;)So anyone feel free to ask me a question, and I'll try to get you on a clear road of a solution. Lol