my name is Rachel and i am 19 years old and i moved in with my cousin last week becouse iam not getting along with my mom right now and i get a social security check becouse i was in special ed when i was in highschool so my cousin wanted me to help pay the bills so she was going to charge me only $300.00 rent and that's for food and utilities and everything so when i told my mom i needed to get $300.00 out of my check i have to go to my mom to get my money becouse she's my payee over my check i have to have a payee becouse iam not could at managing money and i would blow it on stupid stuff if i didn't have somebody maninging it for me becouse that's part of my disability anyways back to the problem when i asked for my money to pay rent she blew up on me and didn't want to give me the money and i got really upset and i started crying and shaking so my cousin said i could stay there and didn't have to pay rent but then when i told my mom my cousin was going to let me stay at her house without paying rent if i helped out around the house and helped out with her 17 year old autistic son but i feel bad for living in her house with out paying rent to help with the bills becouse i feel like iam usin her and i think my mom only wants to have anything to do with me becouse i have a social security check and she wants my money and it makes me feel really bad what should i do?
Thanks in advance for any advice
Explain to your mom that you are never going to be able to grow up if she doesn't give you the opportunity. You are taking the initiative to move out of her house and to pay rent to live in another and she should abide by that. Is your dad still around? If not, maybe your cousin can help you to find someone who you can talk to about the arrangements. If nothing else, drive or get a ride to your highschool (if you've graduated, go to the one you graduated from). 9 out of 10 times a counselor there is willing to talk to you. This way, she can direct you to the right person. Bottom line is that if you can't trust your mom with your social security check, then you need to work out a way to get someone else legally in charge of it. Inspite of your disabilities, you still have rights, and you make a good case. I wish you the best of luck and let me know how things go.
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I know that my dad is cheating on my mom. It's a fact, despite my best friend telling me to "be 100% sure" before I jumped to any conclusions. I can't feel anything right now except bitterness and betrayal. How can he do something like this to me and my mom? Actually, I've known for 5 years, and I'm 16 now, so I think 5 years of being sure is more than enough. My issue now is how to tell my mom. I burst out crying just now after I logged onto my dad's other email and read the stuff between him and his wh*re. Apparently, he wished her a happy 4 years last December. He's been an irresponsible father and unfaithful husband for 4 freaking years. And before that, it was with some other woman that my mom found out about herself so I guess he had to end it. He just can't be happy with what he has. My mom works so hard to keep our family happy and this is what he does in return. However, it's hard to be cold to him suddenly, because I'm the kind of daughter that everyone expects to be kind and obedient. And I can't find it in my heart to fully hate him, despite his unforgivable sins. No matter what, it was both he and my mom's efforts that made me who I am today. And the other day, my mom was telling me that in the future, if my husband strays, I shouldn't go to a divorce instantly, and try to make it work. She's already done that once herself. Can she take another hit? I don't know. She's not as strong as she used to be, both physically and emotionally. What can I do right now? I feel like I'll implode from what I've kept for so long. I never told her because I was selfish; I didn't want to break my ideally "happy family." I'm stuck right now. I can't imagine telling my other friends because they've all got perfect families and it would be shocking to hear that my dad, who seems oh-so-nice in front of them, is like that. I have no choice but to turn to a stranger for advice. Please help me.
The first thing I would like to say to you is about one of your last sentences.."I can't imagine telling my other friends because they've all got perfect families and it would be shocking to hear that my dad, who seems oh-so-nice in front of them, is like that." Do your friends not believe that you have the perfect family? Exactly!! It may be that one of your friends is going through a similar situation RIGHT THIS SECOND and they don't want to tell you, their friend with a perfect family. Get what I'm saying?! You are not alone in this, sadly many families result in broken homes. Inspite of why you think you haven't told your mom, you are NOT selfish. I think that a part of you just wants your mom to go on believing that she is in the perfect marriage. How do you tell someone you love with all your heart something that you know will shatter theirs? It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human! Secondly, don't try and hate your dad. Hate does nothing but cause YOU problems. Have you ever heard the saying "forgive but don't forget"? What this means is that you need to forgive for YOU, so that you can move on without all the built up anger, but you NEVER forget the actions that hurt you so bad! Hatred will only hurt yourself. I think that you need to sit down with your mom. Tell her that you want to talk to her about something that is bothering you. She's been through this before, so odds are she knows what's going on and she is trying to act like its the perfect family so that YOU are happy. You see, you and your mother have a lot in common here. You are both trying to protect the other from the inevitable truth. What you need to do instead, is work together to get through the bad. Your dad messed up..he messed up big! If you can't find it in yourself to tell her, maybe you could print out the emails, or write her a letter explaining what you've found out, or both! This way you dont have to worry about bursting out in tears AND you are giving her time to deal with the truth that is staring her in the face. Once she knows you know and vice versa, it will make it much easier for you both as a family. I wish you the best of luck and I hate that you are having to go through this! I can only imagine how it must feel. My parents are divorced, but it happened when I was very young, not old enough to comprehend. This must be extremely difficult for you. I hope that I've helped you out and I truly hope that you will continue to let me know how things are going. You seem like an amazing person with a huge heart, you are just stuck in a bad spot right now. Remember one thing..no matter what happens, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I've been through some things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but I don't want to take them back either, because they made me who I am today and I'm pretty satisfied with that person. Take care and please know that you can tell me or ask me ANYTHING. I won't judge you and I'll be here to help the best I can. If for nothing else, just as someone to talk to.
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16/f. my boyfriend(17) and i have only been dating for about two months but we've known each other for about two years so we tell each other everything. he's been having some family problems lately. he lives with his dad, step mom and four siblings. his parents are really strict with him and hes always miserable because he never has time to do anything and hes always grounded for things that he cant help with. he works two jobs and when hes not working he has to stay at home with his brothers and sisters. im always trying to make him feel better but i just dont know what to tell him anymore. i tell him that things will get better but he doesnt believe it anymore and im not sure that i do either. his step mom tells everyone to clean and he does so that we can hang out but he ends up being the only one to clean and then he gets yelled at for the house not being in perfect condition when she gets home. i mean when hes the only one doing anything the house isnt going to be perfect in just a few hours. i really have no idea what to tell him anymore. i want to make him feel better but i have no idea how to comfort him. i let him know that im here for him and everything but i just dont know. any advice will help. thanks so much for reading this and sorry about the length.
Court is completely right! You are doing everything that a girlfriend can do to help him out. I feel so bad that he's having to take on so much responsibility at such a young age. He's 17 now, so less than a year to go before he is a free man. He's working two jobs?! Wow! Tell him to save up some of that money so that he has a good start on getting an apartment. I'm sorry but there really isn't much more I can tell you or that you can tell him. It's very admirable that you are trying so hard to help him. I hope, for the sake of both of you, that things get better. Good luck and remember...what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
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My sister is 12 years old and is the biggest BITCH everrr. OMG she has a huge bad attitude. It’s soo annoying..i’m 15 and I’m nice to her and everything. And when she asks me for something and she’s keeps saying please I’ll let her…but omgg she is such a bitch, like if I’m like hey can you get me something…she’s like “no, you never do anything for me”..i’m like WTF I do soo many things for you…and if she gets in trouble for doing something and I did something a while back that I was’nt supposed to she’ll rat it out to my parents that way both of us are in trouble. And I’m the one in more trouble to…she’s also a spoiled brat…like she has a cellphone and contacts and she’s only in 6th grade….i had to wait till 8th grade to get mine….so basically..she’s does’nt respect anyone in my family…like she does’nt have respect for me, my mom, my dad, or even my grandma…like we don’t really ever do anything to her…she just does’nt have respect…I don’t know what to do with her…like I really don’t know….i tell her she has a bad attitude and all she says is so do you…and if I raise my voice at her she’ll be like don’t raise your voice at me and just backsass..it’s sooo annoying..ugh when she’s on the phone…she starts to have an even bigger attitude…I think it’s cause she wants to be cool in front of her friends…I’m trying to ignore her but it does’nt work…like seriously I need help nothing works….oo..and my parents are tired of her attitude also..and I know most people will be like it’s her age and stuff..and I know…but I don’t think that’s the only reason why….when she was little she was soo cute and adorable…now I just want to rip her head off…PLEASE HELP!!!
First I'll say the cliche...it does have a lot to do with her age AND the fact that she is a 'little' sister. Prepare yourself honey..you haven't even gotten to the bad part yet. Once you hit 16 she's going to do everything in her power to not let you drive anywhere without her in that passenger seat. Even though it doesn't seem like it, she's envious of you, she wants to be like you. Her acts of disrespect are simply to get attention. (Not a great way to do it, but normal). Instead of getting mad at her for always being a "b***h" why don't you try and include her in a few things you do. If you include her than may she won't fight so hard to put a stop to it. As far as her being spoiled...that's a lot of the reason she doesn't respect anything or anyone. You are her big sister and it's amazing that you are trying to get help for her, but your parents need to put a stop to the spoiled attitude. They need to make her 'earn' the things that she receives instead of doing things just so she'll stop asking. I think you are a great big sister and in time you'll learn that she isn't as bad as she seems now. I hope that things work out for you!! Let me know how they go.
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My parents are fighting. They are not considering a divorce but one in a while they just go at each other. It's really sad and since i am the oldest i want to do something about it. My little sisters get sad and cry when they fight and i want to help them. What can i do to make them realize what they are doing wrong? They both blame each other for things but truthfully it is always equally both their fault! I really need some good advice. Please don't give me the "talk to them" answer because right know i don't want to start anything else. Please help me. I really want to fix this becuase everytime they fight it bring up all these past things from like 15 years ago! Who cares about those things! Please help me. (sorry if this is long, i just feel very unstable and sad right now).
It's almost depressing when the 16 year old daughter becomes the adult..I know you don't want to "talk" to them, but as said below you can write them a letter. They can walk away when you are talking to them, but once it's in writing they HAVE to read it. Tell them that they are truly affecting you and your siblings. If you don't want to write to them, write a journal entry about it, leave the book open. Let them "accidently" read it. Do whatever it takes to get the point across. For your sake and for the sake of your siblings I hope that they straighten up their act. Your brothers and sisters are great to have such a wonderful big sister!
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I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this under.
Well my mom has these strict rules about guys. If I have just a friend over thats a guy or my boyfriend, its always been the same. We can't lay on the couch to watch a movie. The couch.. in the living room. No guys allowed in my room even if the lights are on and the door is open. Not even if my little sister is there. We don't do anything like sexual. Oh big deal kissing and cuddling. What's wrong with that? She seems to be totally overreacting with her rules. They make no sense and she never ever gives me a good reason. Any advice about how to convince her to get rid of these rules? Or even advice why she says these stupid rules. We arent even allowed to sit in my lil brothers room. He's 16. My lil sister is 12. Its not like it will harm anything or anyone so whats the big deal?
I agree with all of the below posts. Your mother isn't going to change her rules. You say quote "Oh big deal kissing and cuddling", but your mom knows where and what this can lead to. I know the rules seem dumb now, but keep in mind that one day your daughter maybe writing this very same site and asking this very same question. Respect your mom and her rules. The more you respect her rules (without fight) the more lenient they will become. You need to teach her that she can trust you and eventually she will start to loosen that hold. Good luck babe!
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