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cheating dad
I know that my dad is cheating on my mom. It's a fact, despite my best friend telling me to "be 100% sure" before I jumped to any conclusions. I can't feel anything right now except bitterness and betrayal. How can he do something like this to me and my mom? Actually, I've known for 5 years, and I'm 16 now, so I think 5 years of being sure is more than enough. My issue now is how to tell my mom. I burst out crying just now after I logged onto my dad's other email and read the stuff between him and his wh*re. Apparently, he wished her a happy 4 years last December. He's been an irresponsible father and unfaithful husband for 4 freaking years. And before that, it was with some other woman that my mom found out about herself so I guess he had to end it. He just can't be happy with what he has. My mom works so hard to keep our family happy and this is what he does in return. However, it's hard to be cold to him suddenly, because I'm the kind of daughter that everyone expects to be kind and obedient. And I can't find it in my heart to fully hate him, despite his unforgivable sins. No matter what, it was both he and my mom's efforts that made me who I am today. And the other day, my mom was telling me that in the future, if my husband strays, I shouldn't go to a divorce instantly, and try to make it work. She's already done that once herself. Can she take another hit? I don't know. She's not as strong as she used to be, both physically and emotionally. What can I do right now? I feel like I'll implode from what I've kept for so long. I never told her because I was selfish; I didn't want to break my ideally "happy family." I'm stuck right now. I can't imagine telling my other friends because they've all got perfect families and it would be shocking to hear that my dad, who seems oh-so-nice in front of them, is like that. I have no choice but to turn to a stranger for advice. Please help me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The first thing I would like to say to you is about one of your last sentences.."I can't imagine telling my other friends because they've all got perfect families and it would be shocking to hear that my dad, who seems oh-so-nice in front of them, is like that." Do your friends not believe that you have the perfect family? Exactly!! It may be that one of your friends is going through a similar situation RIGHT THIS SECOND and they don't want to tell you, their friend with a perfect family. Get what I'm saying?! You are not alone in this, sadly many families result in broken homes. Inspite of why you think you haven't told your mom, you are NOT selfish. I think that a part of you just wants your mom to go on believing that she is in the perfect marriage. How do you tell someone you love with all your heart something that you know will shatter theirs? It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human! Secondly, don't try and hate your dad. Hate does nothing but cause YOU problems. Have you ever heard the saying "forgive but don't forget"? What this means is that you need to forgive for YOU, so that you can move on without all the built up anger, but you NEVER forget the actions that hurt you so bad! Hatred will only hurt yourself. I think that you need to sit down with your mom. Tell her that you want to talk to her about something that is bothering you. She's been through this before, so odds are she knows what's going on and she is trying to act like its the perfect family so that YOU are happy. You see, you and your mother have a lot in common here. You are both trying to protect the other from the inevitable truth. What you need to do instead, is work together to get through the bad. Your dad messed up..he messed up big! If you can't find it in yourself to tell her, maybe you could print out the emails, or write her a letter explaining what you've found out, or both! This way you dont have to worry about bursting out in tears AND you are giving her time to deal with the truth that is staring her in the face. Once she knows you know and vice versa, it will make it much easier for you both as a family. I wish you the best of luck and I hate that you are having to go through this! I can only imagine how it must feel. My parents are divorced, but it happened when I was very young, not old enough to comprehend. This must be extremely difficult for you. I hope that I've helped you out and I truly hope that you will continue to let me know how things are going. You seem like an amazing person with a huge heart, you are just stuck in a bad spot right now. Remember one thing..no matter what happens, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I've been through some things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but I don't want to take them back either, because they made me who I am today and I'm pretty satisfied with that person. Take care and please know that you can tell me or ask me ANYTHING. I won't judge you and I'll be here to help the best I can. If for nothing else, just as someone to talk to.
<3 Leslie
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