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Q: ive been thinking about becoming a full-time mom and setting up a "foster" home. like 4 or 5 children at a time. Can you give me any information at all. likes and dislikes, advantages and disadvantages...etc.

I think this is a great thing for you to do but I warn you that 3 or 4 kids (any age) is a lot of work. Much harder than any normal type job, and it runs from sunup till sundown. your significant other must totally be onboard too since this is not something that can be done alone. The advantages are that with several chidren at a time, once you get them established in a routine they can help each other a little bit but it is truly very hard work.

The rewards? Helping young people grow up to be healthy responsible adults is the reward, seeing someone triumph over whatever tragedy placed them in your care is what you recieve. For some this is more than enough.

How easy or difficult this will be for you to start is totally dependant on the programs and systems in place in the state where you live.

if you have specific questions don't hesitate to email me direct monk_ooo@yahoo.com, put fostercare in the subject line.

Q: ok so i have this step dad who has a son who's my age (15). He walked in on my boyfriend and me making out in my room and he screamed at me and grounded me for a month. Then two weeks later he caught my step brother getting a blowjob from his girlfriend and my step dad just laughed and said, "boys will be boys" and walked away. Then my boyfriend gave me a hug after school and my step dad was picking me up and he yelled at me and grounded me for another month! I spotted my step bro kissing some girl i had never met and my step dad just gave him a high five! I tried talking to my mom, but she has been really sick lately and doesnt talk much. Is this fair??? what should i do???

Welcome to the double standard. His son cannot come home pregnant you can. You need to sit down and have a talk with your stepdad. Explain that you can do pretty much anything you want with a boy during school hours so grounding you isn't going to change what you do with your boyfriend and you feel he should worry about his son getting his girlfriend pregnant more than you getting pregnant because you are much more careful than his son is.

Did you notice how many times I used the word pregnant. You should use it that many times with your stepdad. Tell him he would hate to see himself as a grandfather right now out of spite from you and stupidity from his son.

Q: I have 3 awesome kids. Their deadbeat of a father is about to have his liscence suspended for not paying his child support, funny thing is he is in complete denial. He still plans to drive to missouri two days after his suspension and go for truck driving school, rude awakening when they scan his liscence. Does anyone know the process on how he can get it back.???

he can appeal to child services who is the one getting his liscence suspended but it likely wont work. what he needs to do is get a job and start making payments, .
too bad he is not already a truck driver then they wouldn;t suspend his liscense at all.

Q: Ok I dont mind if people (mother, fathers, sisters, brothers, etc) have their own opinions but I dont like them forcing them on someone else (meaning me). Any suggestion(s) on how I not get upset when someone (meaning a family member) does that to me?

everyone has an opinion on something and no one can force their opinion on you. there is no reason to get upset about it. all you have to do is say i hear you but i disagree then walk away. if it is your parents and the opinion you;re talking about is that they think you should do your homework than you need to know the difference between an opinion and an expectation. you need to do those things that are expected of you whether you agree with them or not because that is the way the system works. everyone has expectations. you expect your parents to provide food and clothing they expect you to do certain things . but your opinions are your own and no one can force theirs on you, but it is good to listen because sometimes someone elses opinion is better or smarter than yours since no one , not even you, is perfect

Q: My mom wants me to visit a gynecologist...but I'm scared...(and I'm only 14!)..
Will my doctor tell my mom that I'm not a virgin??
...I dont want my mom to know yet... because I am too young for it...and she won't trust me!!
Does my mom have to be in the room with me??
And since she wants me to go does this mean she thinks I'm sexually active?(even though I am)
I'm scared...HELP!! thanks.

you can call the doctor before your appointment and tell them you want it to be private and when you go they will politely keep your mom out of the exam room. The doctor will not divulge what you say to your mom without your permission so be honest with the doctor so that you get the right exam and advice.

i know you are afraid of telling your mom you're sexually active but she needs to find out sometime and you can use the doctor to help tell her if you are afraid of confronting her alone.

Q: i'm 16 and my family never listens to me when somthing happens to my younger brother(14) and sister(13) that is an accident. the other day my sister and i accidentally ran into eachother is a small hallway and she started to cry and i got grounded because i 'shoved' her into the wall. my parents never belive me because i lied 1 time about my sister having someone in her class to help her put with something that i had no idea about what her teacher wanted her to do. my brother is always beating me up and calling me fat, a hoe, and a bitch in front of my parents and he never gets in trouble even tough they watch him do it. no one in my family treats me fairly and the other day on our way home from the boling alley my parents were telling my how to fix my bowling but i told them that still had to work on throwing the ball properly and and they made me walk halfway to our house which was about 10 miles from where they kicked me out of the car. is there anyway for me to get my family to treat me better and get them to listen to me. i don't want to get taken away from my faily. i know that i'm the oldest but that doesn't mean that my family has to treat me like this. is there any way to get my family to respect me?

you definately need a third party involvled in this. if they are all against you and wont listen they might respond better if you talk to a guidance counsilor/ or principal and have them sit down with all of you to relate how hurt you are. There is no call for your brother to abuse you and if your parents condone it then they are breaking the law. so go to school and get some help?

Q: Ok, about my dad coming for thanksgiving, i left this part out on my other advice thing. My cousins are coming and i want to play with them but if my dad is here and i know he will feel awkward, then i have to talk to him and i cant just go off and leave him and my step mom because the only reason they are coming is because me and my brother so i cant just leave them. What if i want to go play with my cousins and then my dad feels awkward? please help.

adults are totally used to akward situations. we just have to suck it up. if it too horrible to deal with he would have found some reason not to show. just be glad you not an adult right now and let you dad take care of himself. Heck, be a weirdo and invite him to come and play. adults never get asked to do this and i am sure he will find it amusing.

Q: So me and my mom are pretty close. We talk about anything to eachother. but it seems like once a month we fight. Everything thats been bugging her builds up until she blows up on me for the stupidest thing. She'll start pulling major guilt trips. Whenever I tell her how I feel and what she does she just gets even more mad. I can never talk to her. She talks about how her life is stressful and all the things shes going through and how her life sucks and she wants to kill herself. Well what am I supposed to do in that situation? She ends up making me feel like I'm a bad daughter and I don't appreciate anything she does. I tell her thank you all the time. Once she said thank you wasn't enough. It drives me crazy. Sometimes she gets so bad she'll start pushing me around all just because I tell her she shouldnt try to make me feel guilty for things that i cant help and things that arent my problem.It will be like that for a few hours and then she acts like shes fine. I think she has a problem. She denies it.

it sound like your mother is using you to vent off her frustration with the rest of her life. i dont condone this behavior but i certainly understand it. She may not have anyone else to vent to. Try to be understanding especially when she goes on about things you can do nothing about. try to be the bigger person and realize that parents needs parenting too sometimes. if it only happens once a month or so try to recognize the signs of when its going to happen so you can be on your best behavior when it happens cause that will help alleviate the pressure your mom is feeling. If you lines of communication are open like you say, try to suggest she get some outside help (like therapy)but i would only suggest it when she is in a good mood though and you can calmly relate to her how much her outbursts are upsetting you.

Q: Im dating a guy who is cousins with one of my closer friends they talk about me and i know they do, because she feels that we shouldnt date anymore we've been together for almost 2 years (few more months to come) but my bf feels that i've stolen him away from her like i hog him to much & she feels the same way. I dont want them to think that. Im not heartless i think family is important so why'd i want that for them right? i want them to know that i do believe its important that they still do see eachother, I want to write her a letter explaining that i do think its important they hang out, spend time together, u no? So could you help me get started with a letter or tell me some things to put in the letter?

send her a letter inviting her to do something with you and your BF. Maybe go camping, or something touristy. make a point of letting your bf do stuff with his cousin since you know that she is not competition with you , there is no need for him not to spend alot of time with her. IF your bf feels the same way maybe he is not quite ready to make as big a commitment to your relationship as you are. If you think he is worth it maybe you should step back a little and see what his reactiion is, if he chases after you, you will know he has made his choice.

Q: my parents have just got a divorce and life at home is very hard as dad is moving out, i love him so much and don't want him to go please help

stay strong!! divorce is hard on everyone but if your parents didn't think it was for the best they would be doing it. Dont think this is your fault, it is not. You probably cause them to try a lot harder to hold it together and if they couldn't do it for you they know it would be better for all concerned if the marriage ends. Just remember that only the marriage is ending, not the family. They will be your mom and dad for the rest of your life and if they can find happiness down seperate paths it will better enable them to help you find your own happiness. Good luck!!

Q: ok well when my father lived with us we would get invite to all family events. now we dont. wat, my and I brothers arent part of my fathers family. wat do you think I should say to him and his family?, because I like my family and hanging out at events. i was going to send an email to all of his family sayng Im sick of this shit and rreally pissed off!!, not getting invited to anything anymore this is rediculuos that his kids dont get invited to anything i dont mean to swear at all but i Just want to show u how mad about not getting invited to anything i am.

sooo wat do u think i should do about this? Is the email is a good idea?

it sound like you really like your father family so dont send them angry emails. You should try to talk to your father about this but if that is hard to do remember this.

Those relatives are yours too whether your father is in your life or not. you can pick your friends but your relatives are stuck with you (and you with them) for your whole life. Use the email idea to open up the lines of communication with your relatives.
Send them pictures of you and your brothers to keep them up to date on your lives. They will surely invite you to the familiy gathering then and if they dont have a gathering of your own and be sure to invite them.

bio

i am a work in progress but i pay close attention to everything. I feel it is a good thing to share the knowledge i have acquired in my travels to anyone asking and it brings me pleasure to do so. i have lived in California, Alaska, Idaho, and New Mexico and been married and divorced. I have no children of my own but have fostered several .